Thursday, June 18, 2009

It is me again..it has been awhile

Life has been busy and therefore I forget to blog! Since my last thoughts, I now have a 4 year old and a 1 year old. Wow! Time flies! Harrison is fully potty trained (finally!) and Kadie is walking! I've been babysitting a lot and therefore not as much time during the day to blog, etc. But rather than catch up on our lives since I lasted posted I came to write my feelings and concerns for my sweet boy. I really don't even know where to start.

Harrison has been a challenge since day 1. Well looking back he was relatively easy from about 2 months until 12 months. So we had a 10 month easy stretch. He started terrible twos early and started the terrorizing threes even earlier. I felt light at the end of the tunnel as we neared his 4th birthday but since he has turned 4 things have been...well simply stated, things have been awful.

He refuses to do anything that his Daddy and I ask/tell him to do. He makes mountains out of molehills on so many things. Meltdowns and tantrums are increasing by the day. His attitude is poor. His little OCD traits are emerging more and he can't control any of his emotions. I often question whether me staying home with him was a good decision because he doesn't seem to be happy.

I feel very convicted about parenting mistakes I've made in the past. Chris and I both do actually. We have been lazy and inconsistent and reactive rather than proactive. We've been trying new things are we are starting to realize all of these issues might be a cry for help. We want to do what is best, not just what is sufficient. I'm about to spend a great deal of time in prayer. I need God to speak to me about what I need to change so that I can be a better Mommy to my sweet boy. Because I know underneath all of the anger in this little guy - there is a sweet boy. That sweet baby with the big blues eyes that can melt my heart. How I love him so! How this sweet angel changed my life and rocked my world. I can't thank God enough for him. I know he is a challenge and keeps me on my toes. Sometimes I question as to why he can't be easy and I get frustrated and angry. But I know deep down inside there is something incredible in his future that he will need this endless amount of strongwill for. He is my little warrior (now if only he didn't have to go at war with me). I will try to post regularly about updates with his behavior and attitude. So if you are reading this...keep us in your thoughs and prayers.