The gunman has Asperger’s

So the reports coming in today are saying that the 20 year old gunman from Newtown, CT  had Asperger’s and another disorder.

As a mother to a child with Asperger’s this broke my heart. Why? Not because I think my child will do something horrific like this. It breaks my heart because so many people who have never heard of Asperger’s Syndrome are hearing about it for the first time and will likely associate it with this tragic event.

I’m willing to say that mostly everyone that falls under an ASD diagnosis, would NEVER do something like this. Please, please, please do not let this tragedy shape your view of individuals with Asperger’s/Autism. It is pretty obvious to me that something else was going on with this guy. Perhaps, it will come out at some point. Time will tell. Either way, it will not ever make sense.

If you put 20 Aspies in a room together, you will meet 20 people who are completely different. However, across the board they do have some things in common. Most Aspies are rule followers – they cannot stand wrongdoing. They aren’t sociopaths or criminals. They typically are socially awkward and have some quirky personality traits. I came across this post today written by an Aspie. This person really reminded me a lot of my son in this paragraph

“For me personally, I have always sensed the inherent wrongness of violence precisely because of the unconventional way my mind works - I've sometimes felt guilty about swatting flies and felt like I could empathize with them; I can empathize with almost anyone or anything, and it's precisely because I'm largely denied the easy, almost subconscious social communication that connects most people.  So instead of having a strong bond with a few people while being cut off from everything else like most people are, I tend to feel more broadly connected to the world and have a sense of responsibility for how it develops despite just being an ordinary citizen with no special resources.  But I admit that's just me, and is not necessarily broadly applicable.”

I’m sure that the families of the victims (and our nation) want closure, and rightfully so. I’m sure they (we all) have questions – questions that will likely never be answered. I can only imagine that they are wondering why this happened? What could drive a person to such an evil act? My prayer is that God comforts these families with His peace. So many stories of heroic acts are being told. I hope that the families of those heroes can cling on to the memory that their loved one died selflessly and full of courage.

Here is a verse that was shared by my church yesterday. I pray that we can all put our hope in this.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

Our slacker elves

Last year I finally succumbed to the elf. I hate the elf.  The kids named him Jack. This year I even decided to add another elf – a girl elf. They named her Lisa. I hate the elves. I think they are creepy. They remind me of clowns and I really hate clowns. Our elves are really boring. Our elves generally forget to move into a different location until I’m lying in bed. As I’m drifting off to sleep, I remember the elves. Don’t get me wrong. I think that the “elf over achiever” moms are great. I aspired to be one last year. I even have a whole board on Pinterest dedicated to elf ideas.  Last year, I was still fairly sleep deprived as Sam was still not consistently sleeping at night. I told myself that I had an elf out. This year was going to be better. I was going to be an elf over achiever. I even considered making an elf calendar. Alas, Christmas 2012 is here and I have one thing to say about it.

I’m sorry, but if I wanted powdered sugar, toilet paper, or toys strewn about my house, I would turn Sam loose for 5 minutes while I hide in the bathroom with a bottle of wine.  I have a two year old tornado that makes plenty of messes by himself. I certainly don’t need my elves making a mess. So, I’ve had a pep talk with my elves. They are NOT allowed to do any thing that adds to my daily cleaning. We did have one exception of the mustaches drawn on family photos with a dry erase marker. I can deal with that. Food messes – no. Toilet paper – no. I’m too cheap for that.  My kids poop way too much to waste TP.  

I have accepted that we have boring elves, and I’m okay with that. If the kids go to bed early and easily, our elves are slightly more creative than usual. I’ve decided to keep the bar low. I mean, if my elves go repelling across our living room with all of the other action figures, my kids will expect way more the next day, right? So far, our children have been perfectly delighted to find our elves hiding in the tree, bathroom blinds (creepers), sharpening pencils, or playing with toys. Jack even brought M&M's this year. I can't take  credit for that. I found that on Pinterest.  I think my elves are going to fold laundry or wash dishes tonight. Maybe it will inspire my kids?

*Disclaimer * This blog post is in no way meant to make fun of families who have “over achieving” elves. I admire those families. I enjoy seeing your pictures on facebook, pinterest, and instagram. This blog post was written to help the slacker elf families feel okay and know that you are not alone. Because like you, I probably forgot to move the elf.