Waiting

I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight. I have also enjoyed watching it. After my Daddy passed away, I had a hard time watching it. I think my emotions were too raw at the time. But lately it really hasn't been a big deal. So, I'm watching it and it shows a girl who is waiting for her brother during a risky surgery and it brought back so many memories.

I can remember waiting for his first surgery. The one that started the whole long process. It was July 23rd. I can remember sitting with Daddy prior to the surgery in the waiting room. We were all taking and trying to make things light. We were worried and he admitted that he was nervous. The surgery was several hours long and it felt like an eternity. I will never forget the feelings of relief seeing his surgeon walk out into the waiting room. We thought everything was okay. We thought we had gotten past the hurdle.

Fast forward about two weeks. He got really ill and was readmitted to ICU. After several days he had another surgery. I honestly can't even remember how many surgeries he had between August 11th and October 18th. I think around a dozen. Anyway, I can remember the feeling of dread and nervousness before each surgery. Sitting in the waiting room waiting for the hourly phone calls to update us on his progress. Watching his surgeon walk into the waiting room and trying to read the expression on his face...was it a relieved look or a look of dismay? What news did he bring us? There were several surgeries that did not go well and we waited for the next critical 24 hours. I would go home and sit up all night glued to my phone. I was the first point of contact since I lived closest to the hospital.

So many emotions go on while you are waiting for a loved one to come out surgery. Will you see them again? Will this be the last surgery? Will the post operative complications be severe?

I remember the last night of waiting like it was yesterday. We knew his hours were numbered. We knew no more extreme measures would be taken to save his life. Daddy was ready. He was tired. There were several times we almost came to it but then some nurse would pump him full of some medication that would prolong his life a few more hours. As I stood there, holding my father's hand watching him drift in and out of consciousness, I wondered if this was the moment? Would this be his last breath? Is he suffering? Does he know that I'm here? Does he feel alone? Is he comfortable? Does he feel peaceful? We were literally waiting for him to die. Those were the most agonizing hours of waiting I've ever lived through.

Negativity = Annoying..instead of being a Negative Nelly, why don't you put that energy somewhere useful?

So it has been weeks since I have blogged. I just haven't felt well lately and certainly not in a writing mood. But today I have something weighing heavy on my heart and need to get it off my chest.

I just finished getting our dinner in the crock pot and getting Kadie down for her nap. I'm sitting here thinking how thankful I am that Kadie is napping again and how thankful I am that we have food to eat. I decide to check facebook and I am bombarded with negativity. Now, I do update my status with things that are not positive. I'm sure we all do it but when I read status updates of over 200 people and hardly any of them have anything good to say, I start to get irritated. Really, your life is that bad?

Did you get out of a bed this morning? A bed that is covered by a roof? Oh wow, you did? You are more fortunate than over half a million people in the United States.

Did you eat breakfast, lunch. or a snack today? Have you eaten anything at all? Chances are some of you reading this dined at a restaurant today. Maybe even drove by Starbucks. Perhaps you packed your lunch or ate leftovers. One out of every six Americans will go to bed hungry tonight. Are you one of them? Did you know that every day nearly 25,000 people die because of hunger or hunger related causes? Instead of griping about your bad restaurant service or eating leftovers, why don't you drop some of your extra non perishables at a food bank or treat a homeless man to a meal?

Did you put clothing on this morning? Clothing that was clean? Clothing that will keep your warm and protected from the elements? Do you have shoes and socks on that will keep your feet warm and dry? Google world poverty. I promise, you will realize you have much to be thankful about.

Are you drinking clean water today? Water that won't make you sick or kill you? If you did, maybe you should consider donating to a clean water cause.

So many people are complaining about their jobs. It seems as if half the employed population is complaining about the idiots working amongst them. Have you taken a look at unemployment statistics lately?

And the fact that most of you are updating your facebook status would imply to me that you have access to a computer or phone. Do you realize that you, my friend, would be considered rich by many, many people?

I realize that life can seem terrible sometimes. I can pretty much sum up the year of 2009 as a year I want to erase out of my life. And don't get me started on my once sweet little baby girl, who has been having non-stop fits for 5 days in a row.  But guess, what? God has brought me this far. God has a plan for me. This world is only temporary so I need to suck it up and deal with it.  I realize we can get bogged down in our day to day drudgeries and things just seem mundane. But the next time you feel compelled to share with the world how terrible your life is....is it really that terrible indeed?

The next time you wake up in a bad mood. Thank God that you woke up this morning. Thank Him that you have a bed to sleep in.

The next time that you have terrible service at a restaurant and decide to chew out your waitress - ask her what is wrong? Ask her if you can pray for her? Offer her Christ.

Tomorrow, if you have a horrible day at work and decide that you are one of the many that work amongst idiots - pray for them  instead. Tell God how grateful you are that you have a job and ask Him what your purpose is?

Yes, life can be awful sometimes. But there is joy. There is joy and peace in Someone I know. His name is Jesus Christ. I am thankful I have the freedom to write about this and publish it for anyone in the world who wants to view it.

Trusting God

I've struggled through most of my Christian walk with trusting God. It isn't that I don't think He loves me, or that He wants what is best for me. It is that I don't know if what He wants for me is what I want for me. I know that is incredibly selfish but it is true. Lately I've been praying a lot about trusting Him more and taking whatever He throws my way because I am not in control.

I am not in control.

I am not in control.

God is sovereign. God has a plan for me. He has a plan for my family. And when God hears that earnest prayer, He will show you that He is in control. Sit back and enjoy the ride. That is all I can say.

I can handle anything he chooses to give me. I can do whatever He entrusts me to do.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.