changing the spelling

Ok, so when I started actively blogging, I was also actively stocking a cloth diapering congo with my dyed goodies. I was marketing to cloth diapering people so when I named my store, it was "Happy Hippy Mama". I purposefully misspelled hippie because I felt "hippy" was a play on words - hips/booties = kind of cloth diaper-ish. I simply can't stand it any longer. I must change the spelling on my blog to the accurate hippie. I'm way to OCD to deal with it. So, from this point forward, it will be hippie. Yes, I'm a little OCD. Get over it :)

Friends

I have been so amazingly blessed with such wonderful friends. I have the privilege of being part of a very tight knit Sunday School class and a newly formed Ladies Bible Study. Some of my dearest friends in the world have come through these outlets. I'm so incredibly thankful for God placing each and everyone of these ladies in my life. It is awesome to know that if I call or text one of these ladies about anything, I have support. Whether it be venting, needing prayer or just for a laugh, I'm covered. 

In addition to my church friends, I have my cloth diapering friends. Most of whom, I've never even met in real life. We met through a message board over cloth diapers and share a love for all things crunchy. Now we just chat daily about life. And we are from all walks of life and backgrounds. These ladies are absolutely amazing. They have been there for me, just as much as my local friends. In fact, when I lost my dad, they were one of my greatest support networks.

Then there are my friends that have just always been friends. They've been friends so long, they just fall into that group of my dear friends. Past co-workers, college, friends of a friend or we grew up together.These girls are awesome. Most of them have probably seen me through my highs and lows of all areas of life, yet they are still hanging around. 

I consider myself to be blessed. Very blessed. I will wrap up this with a few of my favorite quotes.

"My friends are my estate."
- Emily Dickinson 

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
- Helen Keller 

"When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves."
-William Arthur Ward 

"The world would be so lonely, in sunny hours or gray. Without the gift of friendship, to help us every day."
- Hilda Brett Farr    

Smiling, emotions, and other things

Yesterday a lady at church told me how I was always smiling and happy, and how she appreciates it. It made me start thinking about how a smile can really just make someone's day. The truth is, I'm not always smiling and happy and it wasn't until just recently that I started feeling happy again. I've always been the type of person that will smile at a stranger, because you never know what they are going through. And maybe your smile will brighten their day. Even when I'm sad, I will try to smile. Just something I do. But in all honesty, it has taken me awhile to get back here.

The truth is that I've struggled with depression my entire life. It is a constant battle. I started pulling out of it as I got older and found myself. Growing up, I always tried to fit into this mold of someone I was not, which caused a lot of emotional turmoil. I started really finding myself as I entered high school and then even more so during college. And between my 20-30s, I've really grown into my own skin. I think it is definitely a lifelong process, as we are constantly adapting to our life changes. And being a parent has really made me examine myself and my beliefs. The person I have found is not nearly as conservative as I would have imagined myself. And most people see me as a hippie, and I'm okay with it. I guess I've kind of embraced it. It works for me. It feels right. I certainly never imagined myself having 3 children within 5ish years, loving a good beer and living in East Ridge.

What makes me happy is being with people I love. Treating people with the dignity and respect they deserve. I love meeting new people and learning about them. And I have been gifted with the ability to listen. So much so, that I majored in psychology in college. I didn't do anything with it for a career but it is very obviously a gift of mine. Complete strangers in Wal-Mart will tell me their life stories. It doesn't phase me. I just know it is what I'm supposed to do. Chris sees me getting "stuck" listening to people and just smiles, because I'm not getting "stuck". God put me in that person's day because they needed to talk.

So a friend told me about this application that allows you to read your old Facebook posts without scrolling for hours on your own page. After looking through it, I remembered what a dark place I was in and I'm so thankful I'm out of it. It was very hard on me when I lost my father. It is not easy for most people. It really took me a long time to find my happiness. He has been gone for almost 2 years. Part of me feels like that is why we were blessed with Sam. He arrived 5 days before the one year anniversary of Daddy's death. He came at such a sad time in our lives and showed me that it was okay to be happy again. And he is just a happy little dude. It is kind of like God's way of showing me the daily miracles that make life special, and worth getting out of bed for. God knew exactly what I needed at exactly the right time. And honestly, adding Sam to our family hasn't been easy. We were financially not in a great place for a new addition. Our house is too small for our family by materialistic standards. But we are happy and we make it work. And God provides everything we need.

So over the past several months, I've been allowing God to heal my hurt. I'm starting to see life in everything again. I'm starting to appreciate the small things. I am a very blessed person. And one of the big things that has been missing from my life is my creative inspiration. I'm starting to feel inspired again because I feel alive again on the inside. In fact, I have yarn waiting to be dyed this week. When I'm happy, I love to create things. When I'm happy, I listen to music and let it fill my soul. When I'm happy, my children don't annoy me. When I'm happy, I'm forgiving of my husband. When I'm happy, I just love to love. Thank you Jesus for restoring my Joy. And thanks for my smile, which can brighten someone's day.

Sisters

I have been blessed with 3 older sisters. They are quite a bit older than me. I was clearly the "oops" baby. It varies from almost 13 years to almost 16 years. I actually have nieces and nephews closer to my age. It has honestly been like having 3  additional moms sometimes, especially when I was younger. I am so incredibly thankful for each one of them and what they bring to my life. I love them all for the unique qualities they bring to our family. Despite the age difference, I've always been close to them. And the way we all came together when Daddy was sick was amazing. I cannot begin to explain the support system we had in each other.

So, to my dears sisters, if you are reading this - I love you. I am thankful for you. Having so many girls in one family has been an adventure. I'm so glad that we are family. We may get angry at each other, but our sisterly bond will always be stronger than any disagreement we may have. And even though you should know this, I am always here for you, whatever you need, even if I am the baby.

Out of the mouths of babes

Most of these are from Harrison - probably because he never stops talking. I'm going to try to update these regularly.

Harrison:
"Mom, just get rid of all of my underwear. I don't like wearing it."
"I really wish I was a brown person."
"Hey guys. You listen to God. I'm not a good listener so I never  hear Him."
"Kadie. No.no.no. When you grow up and you are six, you will understand that."
"Kadie, no. Church is to learn about God. It is not a hotel."

Kadie:
"Mom, will you lick my hand?" (to remove ketchup)

Now that Harrison is back in school, I will probably have more from Kadie next time.

Stepping out of my comfort zone

There have been several things constantly in my mind for the past two weeks. I'm reading two different books that are unrelated, yet both compelling the same changes. I mentioned Chasing Daylight already and the other book is The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical. I am really enjoying both books but they are also making me uncomfortable as I feel they have really challenged me. They have challenged me to really come out of my bubble of Christianity.

Some cool concepts that have come out of these books for me, is that I'm praying daily for opportunities to be able to do something for others in Christian love. I'm trying to be very sensitive and aware so that I can be receptive to these moments and not miss any opportunities. I'm also really trying to see the small miracles in my daily somewhat mundane life. Every day I am given is a miracle and I feel it is to be celebrated and cherished.

Risk and moving out of my comfort zone is what I'm dealing with right now. I'm not sure where it is taking me. I'm trying not to be invisible. A great quote from Chasing Daylight that I must share is :
     "The most important decisions of our lives will require us to forsake invisibility and risk becoming visible.
       Whenever you choose to seize divine moments, you move from invisibility to visibility."

I am generally the type of person that likes to be invisible. I really feel that God is calling me out of my comfort zone to become more visible and I must say that I am finally ready for it. I am praying daily for my opportunities and praying to have an open heart to be willing to take the risk, even if it means failing. Because living is failing and succeeding and I'm ready to do both. Bring it on!

Randomness

Nothing inspirational tonight. Just random thoughts going through my head.

Sleep is overrated. In all seriousness, I hate that I can't sleep. It has a.l.w.a.y.s. been an issue for me. In fact, I cannot nap unless I'm pregnant. I'm a weirdo. I cannot turn off my brain.

I really wish there was a word to replace the "F" word. One of my major fails is my mouth. I have gotten soooooo much better since having children. Harrison started a list on the fridge so he can keep track of our bad words. Of course, bad words in our house are "butt, stupid, dumb". Sometimes, there is just no word that replaces the "F" word. I hate that. Major FAIL. Along those lines, I once read an article/study that said there aren't actually enough words in written vocabulary that can express what a woman is feeling. I can totally relate. I often struggle with the right words to describe what I'm feeling. I also read the dictionary for fun. I never said I was cool.

My "go to" music is the Indigo Girls. Belting the IG at the top of my lungs is just therapeutic. Patty Griffin is a close second. Something about twangy and folksy chicks singing their a@$es off while playing the hell out of their guitars is just plain ol' therapeutic. And both of the aforementioned groups/singers sound just as AWESOME live as they do on CDs/radio.

I'm on an absolute spiritual high this week. I cannot explain it. I feel as if the things that God has been trying to get through my incredibly thick skull for years is finally sticking. I'm 34 and finally sorta kinda getting it. Amazing. Absolutely amazing what can happen if you finally let go of yourself and let Jesus shine through. I love that Jesus still loves me if I say the "F" word or if I have baby snot on my shirt. I love what happens when you say, "I'm yours. Use me. Put me where you want me. I know you got my back. We're cool like that."

 I love the word "dude". I had a dog named Dude when I was a child, so this has been a long love affair with the word.

That was a glimpse of about 5 minutes in my brain. It is a strange place to be sometimes. 

Great things

You know how big things start? From small things. Some of my favorite examples (and you know breastfeeding is going to be one of them) include - Le Leche League. It was founded by 7 mothers in Illinois in 1956. They  just wanted to help and support other mothers. LLL now helps women in 60 countries. I'm pretty sure the moms that began LLL had no idea it would become an international form of support. When Blake Mycoskie wanted to donate a pair of shoes to a person in need with every pair of TOMS sold, I'm sure he had no idea that over a millions shoes would be donated worldwide. When Dave Ramsey set out to help families get out of debt, I'm sure he had no idea he would be a nationally syndicated radio host. He now employs over 300 people in a debt free company and has helped countless families reach financial freedom.

All of these people had a mission. They had a passion. They believed in something enough to make it happen and became something great. Something they never imagined. They took a gift and used it. What if we all took our gifts and pursued it to the point of greatness? It doesn't mean we will all own multi-million dollar companies or have an international support group. But it does mean that greater things can happen.

"From small beginnings come great things." American proverb

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." Lao Tzu

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe." Anatole Frances

Honestly, I haven't really discovered what my small beginning is yet. But I'm prayerfully seeking it and asking God's blessing upon it. What is your small beginning? Where are you in this journey?

 

 

Influence

I'm taking a class around the book "Chasing Daylight"  by Erwin McManus. Our latest discussion was influence. It has really got me thinking. There are some obvious people that we influence - like our spouses, children or best friends. Then there are the not so obvious - like coworkers that you may not know well, young people at your church, internet buddies...the list could go on for days.

So, as I sit here and really process this in my overly analytical brain, I really want to make sure my influence is one of purpose. I can't help but wonder how many opportunities I missed to be a positive influence on someone because I let Alicia get in the way. So, over the past 2 days, I've really been thinking about what type of influence I'd like to be.

First and foremost, I want to be a Christian influence. I want people to see that Jesus is the reason I get up in the morning. He is my joy and my strength. I want to reflect the Jesus that was loving to hookers and homeless people. I want to my life to have some meaning to it. I want to live out the love that God has shown to me. Sometimes, as a stay at home mom, I feel that there isn't much I can do to show these things. Obviously, I can be this type of influence on my family and I pray that I am, and continue to get better at it. Interestingly enough, several things have popped up over the past few days and I hope I was able to show those people that Jesus is in my heart loving them, through me.

Beyond my Christian influence, I definitely have topics that I feel passionately. Most people that spend any length of time with me, know what these are. I'm pro breastfeeding, pro natural birth/VBAC, natural living, natural parenting, and an intactivist. I also feel strongly about human rights. I try to attend as many LeLeche and ICAN meetings as possible. For the most part, I suppose my influence with these subjects is through my daily life and conversations.

Something else that weighs heavily on me lately, is that I should let the mistakes of my past help me influence younger people to not do the same stupid things. It seems as if all the those things are in vain if I can't use them to help someone else. Maybe all of the bad choices I made could help someone else avoid the pain and heartache?

And one really cool thing that I love about God. He places the right people in our lives at the right time. We just have to be open to seeing them. And I may be that person in your life that needs to influence you. Or you may be that person in my life that influences me. Or perhaps it is mutual? 

I have seen so many examples of influential people. My husband teaches high school and that is seriously just one big bucket of opportunity to shine a light into someone's life. My daughter has a young lady that she just adores and wants to be just like her. My oldest son has such a tremendous influence and both of my younger children. Some of my closest and dearest friends influence me with words of wisdom.

I challenge anyone who reads this, to really think about whom you might influence. What do they see when they see you? Are you proud of what they see? Or are you ashamed? Be mindful of it because someone is watching you.