Friends, I'm struggling. I'm really struggling. I have been fighting a cold now on and off for what seems like a month. I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping much at all. I'm grouchy. I don't feel well. I can't seem to have one day that goes smoothly. When I don't have any days that feel successful, I start feeling really defeated and worthless. That is something that has always been an issue for me. If you ever feel led to pray for me, you could definitely pray for this specifically.
Today was just one of those days. I fully blame it on the full moon. There were more tantrums today than I care to remember. We ended up quitting school after 2 hours and cleaning rooms, because all of that energy needed to be used in some sort of productive way. Not to mention the fact, I had gone into my reserves of patience and there was nothing left. Math is always a struggle for Harrison. Since we've started back after Christmas break, it has been pure torture. I can't even really put into words why math is so difficult. He just has a mental block and doesn't like doing it. I should mention that Kadie breezed through her work like a champ. And the work that Harrison was screaming and acting like I was asking him to commit a crime by doing...he got every single problem correct without help. *sigh*
Last night I had severe stomach cramps which kept me up most of the night, so I wasn't in the mood to deal with all of the disobedience, attitudes, and stimming behaviors. It just wasn't my day. It wasn't anyone's day. If this day could be erased, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
I hate days like today. They make me feel like I'm the worst mother ever. I question every decision we made regarding our kids. I question why God has even given them to me to love? I count down the minutes to bedtime, which makes me feel really guilty. (Why is motherhood filled with so much guilt?) Thankfully Sam and Kadie were both asleep before 8:00pm and Harrison was asleep before 8:30pm. They haven't been getting enough rest lately and I know that is part of the problem. As I laid in my bed for awhile after getting them to sleep, I prayed that tonight will restore more than just sleep for all of us. I pray that tonight will help us reset some of these problem behaviors for which we have all been struggling.
I felt the Spirit nudging me to pray a specific scripture in Matthew over my family.
Matthew 11:28-30
28Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
My prayer is that we will give our burdens to Jesus. The burdens of being too sleepy, not feeling well, overwhelmed, grouchy, scared...whatever it is. He promises to give us rest. Not just physical rest, but rest of the spirit. Then He goes on to tell us that He will teach us. So I pray that we are open to whatever He wants to teach us. My kids were asleep when I started praying this prayer, so I haven't been able to share it with them. I will definitely let them know tomorrow morning when we do our devotion what Jesus put on my heart. I also have some apologizing to do and I need to ask their forgiveness.
Man, being a parent is one of the most humbling things I ever experienced. I pray that these three sweet sleeping blessings will use these hard days to grow in character. And am I ever thankful that they are sleeping peacefully. Like super thankful.
How can I pray for you and your family? Are you struggling through anything right now?
-Peace out. I hope you find rest this week.
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