A New Day

The kids and I have really been having a rough time. We started back school after a two week break last week. Every day has pretty much been a chaotic mess since Monday of last week. If nothing else, I realize that my children do not do well with more than one week out of routine.

Friends, I'm struggling. I'm really struggling. I have been fighting a cold now on and off for what seems like a month. I'm exhausted. I'm not sleeping much at all. I'm grouchy. I don't feel well. I can't seem to have one day that goes smoothly. When I don't have any days that feel successful, I start feeling really defeated and worthless. That is something that has always been an issue for me. If you ever feel led to pray for me, you could definitely pray for this specifically.

Today was just one of those days. I fully blame it on the full moon. There were more tantrums today than I care to remember. We ended up quitting school after 2 hours and cleaning rooms, because all of that energy needed to be used in some sort of productive way. Not to mention the fact, I had gone into my reserves of patience and there was nothing left. Math is always a struggle for Harrison. Since we've started back after Christmas break, it has been pure torture. I can't even really put into words why math is so difficult. He just has a mental block and doesn't like doing it. I should mention that Kadie breezed through her work like a champ. And the work that Harrison was screaming and acting like I was asking him to commit a crime by doing...he got every single problem correct without help. *sigh*

Last night I had severe stomach cramps which kept me up most of the night, so I wasn't in the mood to deal with all of the disobedience, attitudes, and stimming behaviors. It just wasn't my day. It wasn't anyone's day. If this day could be erased, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

I hate days like today. They make me feel like I'm the worst mother ever. I question every decision we made regarding our kids. I question why God has even given them to me to love? I count down the minutes to bedtime, which makes me feel really guilty. (Why is motherhood filled with so much guilt?) Thankfully Sam and Kadie were both asleep before 8:00pm and Harrison was asleep before 8:30pm. They haven't been getting enough rest lately and I know that is part of the problem. As I laid in my bed for awhile after getting them to sleep, I prayed that tonight will restore more than just sleep for all of us. I pray that tonight will help us reset some of these problem behaviors for which we have all been struggling.

I felt the Spirit nudging me to pray a specific scripture in Matthew over my family.

Matthew 11:28-30

28Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

My prayer is that we will give our burdens to Jesus. The burdens of being too sleepy, not feeling well, overwhelmed, grouchy, scared...whatever it is. He promises to give us rest. Not just physical rest, but rest of the spirit. Then He goes on to tell us that He will teach us. So I pray that we are open to whatever He wants to teach us. My kids were asleep when I started praying this prayer, so I haven't been able to share it with them. I will definitely let them know tomorrow morning when we do our devotion what Jesus put on my heart. I also have some apologizing to do and I need to ask their forgiveness. 

Man, being a parent is one of the most humbling things I ever experienced. I pray that these three sweet sleeping blessings will use these hard days to grow in character. And am I ever thankful that they are sleeping peacefully. Like super thankful.

How can I pray for you and your family? Are you struggling through anything right now? 

-Peace out. I hope you find rest this week. 

Distracted - #1

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Ok here goes…

Exactly one week ago when I decided I was going to write, I went to bed with thoughts flying through my head. I mean, my head was just swimming with random thoughts. Now most nights I do go to bed with things on my mind, but I tune them out. Do you know how I do that? I pick up my phone and start by opening up Facebook to see what everyone else is doing. If that is boring enough, I will go to sleep. If not, I will move on to Instagram. Then sometimes Pinterest. Then I will look for a game to play until I am propping my eyes open with toothpicks. 

As I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, I heard a very loud thought. It said,

 “Alicia, STOP! It is okay to just fall asleep. You don’t have to be doing something. God created you to rest. It is okay to rest. That includes resting your mind.”

At that point, I laid my phone down and started praying. Then I heard another loud thought telling me that I needed to focus on getting rid of my distractions and that was going to be my writing venture.

So right then and there I committed to God that I would do this. My intent was to start first thing in the morning. I was going to log my phone usage. My beloved iphone is a huge distraction for me.  Here is the funny thing.  At one point in my life, I was anti smart phone. I was anti texting. I was anti most small electronics. In fact, if you tried to contact me, prior to my iphone, I probably didn’t have a clue where my phone was. We got our first smart phones in fall of 2009. We got blackberries. I didn’t really use mine as it was intended. It was a fancy way to text and I actually started texting a little bit more. I used my blackberry for texting, phone calls, Facebook and emailing. It still wasn’t a really big distraction. Fast forward to Valentines 2011. We upgraded to our iphones. I think Chris and I ignored each other for at least a week while we perfected the apps on our phones, played games, and put our lives on our iphones. We actually joke about it. Thankfully we got them at the same time.

 

Now I don’t think iphones are inherently bad. They are actually pretty nifty little things. I take way more pictures of my children because of it. I mean it is always right there by  my side and they are always being cute.  I rarely forget an appointment now because we have synced all of our information into our lovely color coded calendar – complete with reminders. And let’s be honest - it is nice to have google at your fingertips, especially with Harrison Holbrook as your child. That child is always asking questions that I don’t know how to answer. It does indeed have many good functions. But if I can’t go to sleep at night because I’m aimlessly playing on my phone when I should be trying to fall asleep, we’ve got a problem. A big problem.

Friends, I don’t want my children to have memories of a mother looking at her phone all day long. I don’t want my husband to feel like my phone is more important than what he has to tell me. I don’t want my friends to feel like all of my texts and phone notifications are more important than the time I’m spending with them.  I don’t want my phone replacing real face-to-face memories with the people whom I love the most.

I’ve been trying to keep track of my phone usage over the past week. I’ve also tried to make a point to not use it during meal times and to be more present when I’m spending time with my family.

I will leave you with some questions.

1.  How much time do you spend using your phone each day? (I’m sure there is an  app for it –haha!)

 2. How much of that time that you spend on your phone could you be doing something more fulfilling?

3. How much time do you spend on your phone when you could/should be resting?

Here are some challenges.

1.     Put your phone down at all meal times, even if you are alone.

2.     When you feel tempted to pick up your phone for idle down time, do something else instead.  (play with your child,  pet your dog, knit, crochet, read, journal, sit outside, exercise, etc)

3.     Block out a certain time of your day to respond to emails or to play on your phone. If you are not in that window of time, don’t grab it.

4.     Don’t take your phone to bed with you. (I actually use mine as an alarm, so I will be putting my on my nightstand.)

5.     Utilize the “Do Not Disturb” feature on your iphone. It can be found under settings.

6.     Turn off notifications that are not imperative. (Games, social media, etc).

7.     Put your phone away when you are visiting with another person. Give them your full attention. 

Peace out, friends. May you have a day full of life and memories.