Samuel

I was in such a dark place.
I was drowning in a sea of sadness.
My life felt so empty, so meaningless.
I found out about you and I cried. 
How on earth could you fit into our lives?
Seriously, this had to be a joke. 
Then I accepted you. Embraced you.
I savored the kicks and hiccups.
I imagined things would be different.
I thought your entrance would be healing, but alas I was wrong.
I will never forget we thought we lost you. You scared the shit of out me.
How could someone I never knew I wanted be taken away from me?
But then you came and you were perfect.
Tiny and perfect. 
And my happiness was still far away.
Your presence brought joy to my life, but I still had so much healing to do.
Then as the days passed, I allowed myself to become enamored of you.
It all makes sense now.
God gave me you.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know your purpose is much greater.
But God gave me you.
He gave me you so that I could genuinely smile again.
You have taught me that it is acceptable to love despite having experienced such loss. 
You were a tiny vessel sent to restore our family's joy.
And the healing commenced. 
Your name means "God has heard".
And yes, He heard.
He heard my heart. He knew I needed you.
You are my ray of sunshine.
I love you Samuel. I love you.