Bedtime with my Aspie

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Tonight we visited with friends and had our kids out later than usual. Then we drove around a tad bit longer to make sure that the 2 sleepers were good and asleep. It makes bedtime 100x easier when you only have 1 to get in bed as opposed to 3. Harrison had been asking for water during the entire car ride. He reminded me that he wanted water when I came to tuck him in for the night. We have these squeezy water bottles with interchangeable heads.

Let me back track a moment. I’m exhausted and it has been a long week. We store our water bottles in a hanging thing in our playroom closet. There were a few bags laying in front of the closet and the lights were off. I just needed bedtime to happen quickly so I could crash on the couch and drink my wine. Hey, I’m being honest.

So I grab the first water bottle I see due to reasons listed above. It happens to be a girly water bottle. Oh well, I think. He’s tired and it really doesn’t matter. I fill it up with water and take it to him.

Here is how the conversation went.

Harrison: “Um, mom. You realize this is a girl water bottle, right? “

Me: “Yes, but it’s fine.”

Harrison: “No it isn’t. I want another one.”

Me: “Harrison, you are thirsty. Just drink the water. I don’t have a boy water bottle clean.” (Ok, so I may have, but I wasn’t digging for one in the dark.)

Harrison: “Go ahead and wash one. “

Me: “I will wash them later. Right now, if you are thirsty you will drink out of this one.”

Harrison: shakes his head no (I think we bantered a bit back and forth about me washing a cup because he was too stubborn to drink out of a girl cup)

Me: “Oh well. Sorry. “

Harrison: shakes his head no

Me: “I don’t understand the problem. This is a Belle water bottle. You like Beauty and the Beast. The Beast is cool. And Belle has a really cool tea party and cool friends….like Chip, Mrs. Potts, and that cute little puppy thing. She wants you to “Be her guest.” You could pretend to be the Beast. He’s a neat guy.”

Harrison: rolls his eyes and shakes his head no

Me: “What? The Beast is a nice guy. Misunderstood, but nice.”

Harrison: glares at me

Me: “And he turns into a handsome prince”. (my voice might have been a little dreamy and sing-songish)

Harrison:  “Mom…”

Chris inserts some comment about me watching too many Disney movies and how I’m wasting bed time flavor.

Me: singing dramatically “Tale as old as time. True as it can be. Barely even friends. Then somebody bends. Unexpectedly.” I might have been dancing a bit. I don’t remember.

Harrison, then smiled and shook his fist at me. Then covered his head like I was torturing him.

Me: “Well, if you get thirsty,  Belle wants you to be her guest.”

I exit the room. Fast forward about 5 minutes later. I’m unloading the dishwasher (which I couldn’t remember if it was clean or dirty so I didn’t offer it as a solution during bedtime). I find a Spider Man head for the water bottle. Chris tells me I should offer a switch since he is so thirsty. I go into his room.

Me: “Hand me Belle, please.”

Harrison: “No.”

Me: “Look here. I have a Spider Man head to switch out for Belle.”

Harrison: “It’s okay. I was invited. I took a sip from Belle already and joined her tea party. “

Me: (smirking) “So you don’t want me to switch it?”

Harrison: “It’s okay.” Rolls over and closes his eyes.

I love this kid. There is a never a dull moment with him. Of course, he does have a ridiculous mother too. God love him. Haha.

Labels

Labels. Are they a good thing or  bad thing? Why would you want your child labeled?

I'll tell you. We were hesitant to tell others. We almost thought about not telling the school when Harrison was first diagnosed. We felt that it hadn't really been an issue and we would just be making it an issue. Honestly, when he first got diagnosed, his differences were just really becoming obvious and keeping it a secret would be nearly impossible  as the year progressed.

Two things happened. The first is that I realized that if this diagnosis was a part of my son that we didn't need to be ashamed of it. It was a PART of him and we love ALL of him. The second is that I realized that those labels can be helpful. I will elaborate on my second point.

Chances are if you are reading my blog, you know me. I'm kind of weird. I've gotten even weirder as I've gotten older and became a parent. I do things differently than most mainstream ways. I don't really fit it. I mostly identify with the crunchy crowd, hence "hippie" being part of my blog name. The more I read - the weirder I get. I've found a few close friends that I can closely relate with and it is a relief. It is nice being able to have a conversation about breastfeeding your toddler (who is wearing a viking helmet) to your friend without feeling like a weirdo. Because I tend to be different and identify with the crunchy crowd, I appreciate the label. It helps me find like minded friends who get me. I'm not saying they are my only friends because I like having friends from all walks of life....but having a few that just understand you is so important.

People like to be able to identify with others. It makes us feel like we aren't alone and that someone really gets us.

I can't speak for everyone on the spectrum obviously, but I know that before my son was diagnosed, he told me that his brain was different. We weren't sure how to tell him about having Aspergers, so we ordered a few children's book on it so that he might be able to understand. He wasn't really surprised, as the social differences were definitely more of an issue for him as a first grader. He was definitely feeling like an outsider. Now as a second grader, he still doesn't fully understand everything, but he knows he is different. Oddly enough (or maybe not?) he tends to gravitate toward other kids on the spectrum as his buddies. Maybe they get each other? I feel like knowing that there is a name for his differences will help him identify and not feel like such an outsider in the long run.

Most importantly, having that label will likely qualify your child for much need therapy. I know that more often than not, sensory issues accompany a spectrum diagnosis. If my child can benefit from occupational therapy, physical therapy, vision therapy, core strengthening, social skills therapy, etc. then I want to be able to provide it for him at some point in his life. Unfortunately we can't give our son every single therapy he might benefit from, so we prioritize on what he needs most. This is where a specific diagnosis really comes in handy.

So in my opinion having a label or a diagnosis is more helpful than anything. It gives your child a chance to identify with others. It also helps them receive assistance so that they can reach their true potential. If I had to do it over again, I'd certainly do it the same way (only earlier).

Always trust your gut

I've been trying to figure out what I will post on my blog for Autism Awareness month. I've been looking through my books and online sources and kept thinking I should start with red flags. However, if you want to find the red flags, you can google it and...BAM! I decided to post about all the little things I noticed about Harrison as a toddler (before he was even 2) that were not typical but not taken seriously by medical professionals.

He played by himself for hours. As a toddler, this is not typical. Most 18-24 month old toddlers do not sit quietly and play for that long. We had no idea that this wasn't typical as he was our first.

He developed very early language skills. This alone is not a red flag. However, grouped with the others, it is.

He was very cautious and didn't take risks. He never climbed or jumped off of things. He was always so careful before he tried anything new. His developmental milestones were early or textbook, but once he developed all of his basic milestones, he became cautious.

He memorized books and movies. Again, this is probably not a red flag by itself. There were certain movies he could quote most scenes and a few books he knew from memory. We just thought he was a genius. He certainly is very smart, but it all makes sense now.

He lined up toys and sorted them by type. I used to joke he was very OCD in his playing. He went through a major "Cars" phase and would group all of his Lightning McQueens by color. He would proudly show us his masterpieces after spending an hour organizing them.

His play consisted of quoting movies or mimicking movie scenes. I used to tell Chris that I was worried he didn't have an imagination because he was regurgitating what he had just watched. He didn't have much interest in his toys that weren't in one of his favorite movies or TV shows (think Toy Story, Cars, Thomas the Tank Engine, Monsters Inc)

He became increasingly less affectionate. Not so much with me, but with others. He no longer liked hugs or kisses from other people. They made him very uncomfortable.

He developed food texture issues. He was a great eater until he approached two. Then suddenly he had a reason he didn't want to eat things and would have massive meltdowns if you tried to get him to eat his old favorites.

He hated change in routine. Most children thrive with a routine, but generally are pretty adaptable. He was not. It would throw him off course and rock his world.

The tantrums and meltdowns were exhausting and more frequent. All kids have tantrums and all kids will throw some pretty ugly ones in their life time. There is not much that is comparable to a spectrum child meltdown.

He developed sleep issues. He was always a good sleeper as a baby. He was the baby who slept 8 hour stretches when he was a few months old. When he weaned around 14 months, he went from 10 hours to 12 hours. He started having a lot of problems going to sleep and staying asleep.

He preferred adults over children. He would gladly hang out with adults in a room full of kids. Especially elderly men.

He carried heavy things all of the time. He loved lifting heavy things and dragging them around the house. This is actually satisfying the need for sensory input.

He didn't play with other children very well. He didn't initiate much play and didn't get along with other kids. He just preferred to play alone.

He started becoming afraid of loud noises. He used to love tractor rides with my dad and suddenly he hated the engine noise. Loud noises became scary. Movies in a theater were a nightmare.

He developed obsessions. Very obvious obsessions. His earliest obsessions were Toy Story, Thomas, and Cars. He LOVED them. He watched them all of the time. Played with his toys. Wore the clothes. Memorized the lines. He lived and breathed them.

He was very grumpy and argumentative. Basically he was a grumpy old man trapped inside of a little boy's body. He was the happiest baby ever, so this was a personality shift.

He was a potty training nightmare. He was 4 years old before he was trained. It was an awful time that I do not like to reflect upon at all.

He was very quirky. 

Let me reiterate that these qualities alone do not mean you have a child on the spectrum. Maybe even a few of them mean nothing. This is by no means an official checklist. These are things I noticed about him as a toddler that I felt were not typical.

My biggest piece of advice. TRUST YOUR INSTINCT! Seriously. God gives parents (especially mamas) a neat gift of intuitiveness with your children. If you suspect something is different, mention it. Don't blow it off. Don't think it will go away. It doesn't.

Another big piece of advice. Most pediatricians don't know what to look for with ASD/sensory stuff. In fact, if you have a high functioning child or one with just sensory issues, your child will likely not get diagnosed until they are older. Typically this happens in school when their differences become more obvious (like Harrison). Here is what that means. Your child has missed on years of beneficial therapies that could have helped him/her. I try not to beat myself up over not getting Harrison diagnosed until over 4 years later. My biggest regret is that fact he did not have early intervention that could have really helped him. Seriously...an early diagnosis is so much better in the long run.  For us, it changed the way he parent him (mostly) and for the better.

My door is open for encouragement, advice, and prayers. Please contact me if you need any of these.