My babies

So this morning I am awakened by a 20 month old calling out "Mama". It takes me about 5 minutes to respond. I know what she wants. She wants her morning milkies. She doesn't nurse that often anymore but their are certain times she must nurse and she will not bend. So we curl up in the big brown recliner in the playroom while she nurses and I enjoy those early morning snuggles. I am thankful I made the decision to breastfeed my children and stuck with it. I am thankful that I decided I didn't care what people thought of me and decided to let Kadie nurse as long as she desires. If I weaned her at one year I wouldn't have these early morning snuggles. I mean how often does a 20 month old stay in your lap for at least 20 minutes without wiggling and trying to get down? Exactly. They don't. Unless they are sick. Plus, still letting her nurse makes me appreciate the fact that she is still my baby and very possibly my last one. I'm in no rush for her to grow up. I will treasure these sweet baby moments forever.

Hello, my name is Alicia and I am a lactivist. Just in case you didn't know.

Then as we finished I hear my little man walking downstairs. His Pop Up Play World is still set up from last night. He barely speaks a word to either of us and immediately starts playing. Then Little Bit joins in with him. Harrison looks at me and says:

"Mom, I forgot to show Pops my Pop Up Play World".
"Which Pops Harrison?" (I am fairly certain I know but you can't assume with this child)
"The one that  used to feed me cottage cheese." (my dad)
"Well buddy do you remember why you weren't able to show him?"
"Yeah mom. He is in Heaven and asleep so he can't see it. But I still want to show him."
"Well do you want to visit his grave and tell him about it?"
"Yeah I do but he won't answer me."
"Well Harrison you won't hear him talk and you won't even see him but I still think you might like to tell him about it at his grave."
"Ok, can we go tell him about it? "


We all miss my dad. Very much so. Harrison misses him terribly. He was a huge part in Harrison's life. I'm thankful he is talking about it now. Grief is very real. Even for a four year old.