Hi little jelly bean. I must say, my pregnancy with you has gone by rather quickly. It seems like just yesterday I found out about your existence. And here I sit today, 37 weeks and 1 day pregnant. You are officially "full term" and can be born safely at home. Definitely a relief, although I've never had a baby early. Sometimes I feel as if I haven't bonded with you as much as I did the other two babies during pregnancy. Maybe it is because I'm so busy taking care of your two siblings, I just don't have time to think about being pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if it is because we didn't find out your gender and name you prior to your entrance to the world. Honestly, I don't know. But I am nonetheless very excited about you and I want you to know how much I love you. I have a lot of emotions right now. You see, you were conceived during a very sad time for Mommy - just 3 months after my Daddy passed away. I was still very much grieving and feel like I've spent a big portion of this pregnancy grieving. But I want you to know, that I don't love you any less because of it. In fact, you are "due" just 6 days before your Pops passed away. So in a weird kind of way, I feel like even though we lost a precious life last October, we are getting the gift of a new life. So whether you are born today, or two weeks after your "due" date, it is going to be bittersweet.
Another thing I want you to know. I knew I always wanted you. Sure, my timing would have been different, but you were created in God's perfect timing. I would talk about you often with your Daddy. He just wasn't sure because he thought that I wanted a normal vaginal birth so badly that it was clouding my judgment on whether or not we should have another baby. But you were conceived, which was a huge surprise. I feel like God is giving me the chance to have the birth I want with you. From the moment I knew about you, I started planning a home birth. Your big brother and sister were born by c-section, which made me very sad. I feel like there has always been a missing link. I have experienced the miracle of of conception and pregnancy and all the ups and downs that go with it. I've experienced being able to nourish my babies from my body. But I've never been able to experience the joy of bringing forth a miraculous baby the way it was designed. I'm thankful for medical technology and that there is the option for c-sections for mommies and babies that need them but I know we don't need that. My pregnancy with you has been absolutely perfect and we are in great health, so we are good to go. I want you to know that I'm going to savor every minute of my labor with you because I know it is a special gift from God. I know that may sound crazy, but I feel like it will bring me closer to my Creator and appreciate you even more. And I commit to you, that you are allowed to pick your birthday. You will not be "evicted". When you are ready to be born, I'm ready to birth you. Perfectly, safely and into loving arms. I will try my best not to grow impatient and just enjoy our special time together before I have to share you with the world.
Love,
Mommy
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Updates on the Holbrook Family
So, I haven't blogged in quite sometime...I will start with some updates.
Harrison - He lost his first tooth on July 30th (bottom right) and the next tooth on August 3rd (bottom left). He was a little upset when he lost his first tooth - he was with my sister Debbie and he freaked out on her. By the time he lost the second tooth, he just giggled. He started Kindergarten in August. He had two phase-in days and then started full time on August 24th. He has had a couple of rough days but all in all is doing very well. They are graded daily with colors (purple=rockstar, green=pretty good, yellow=needed quite a bit of direction, red=in trouble a lot). He has gotten almost all purple and one yellow and one red. His main problem is that he HATES to color so when he has a bad day at school, it usually has something to do with coloring. And considering that coloring is such a HUGE part of Kindergarten...well it has been a struggle. He has has already been to the doctor. We went almost 3 years with no sick visits or antibiotics. He had a little bit of a cold that turned into an ear infection. We were at the doctor's office on September 2nd with a double ear infection and possible hole in his eardrum and a mild case of impetigo. So now we are currently doing a round of antibiotics, antihistamine, ear drops and cream for his impetigo. He will play his first soccer game on September 11th. He is super excited...more so about the uniform. He is now in the Children's Choir at church, which he seems to enjoy. He came very close to learning to swim this summer but not quite there yet. Sadly, I can't remember his height. We had a check up in May and he was around 43 inches tall but I know he has grown. He is skinny - he lost from 42 lbs to 40 lbs over the summer. He is wearing 5/5 slims. He was 70-90th percentile on height at his check up. He is very excited about being a big brother again. I'm not too worried about how he will adjust. He adores his new baby cousin so I think 5 is a great age for a new sibling. And he is used to sharing the spotlight now, so this is old hat.
Kadie - She has made leaps and bounds over the summer with everything. I think it is safe to say we are 100% potty trained. She had been doing very well anyway but I was lazy and kept her in diapers for my convenience when we were out and about. But she was still using the potty 90% of the time. Just over the past two weeks, she is staying dry during naps/bedtime. She wore panties to bed last night and woke up completely dry. So hopefully we are ditching diapers! We had switched to using disposables over the summer because she wasn't using that many diapers and I couldn't justify washing 1-2 diapers a day and her pee is too strong to let them sit for a few days, so I'm even more glad about that. Hopefully she won't regress when the new baby comes. She stopped nursing around 26 months. She was nursing pretty infrequently anyway because my milk was drying up with pregnancy and she finally just stopped. She has asked twice in the past few weeks but there is nothing there. I'm anxious to see how she does when the new baby is nursing. She went from a small vocabulary to carrying on conversations. She still isn't 100% clear and has some made-up words but for the most part is rocking the big girl words. She also went from showing no interest in her ABC's, colors, numbers, etc to being obsessed. She knows her alphabet and can recognize at least 95% of uppercase/lowercase letters, counts to 10 unassisted, knows several colors and shapes and loves to sing. She is still very free spirited and easy going but her temper is definitely on the opposite end of that spectrum. She started going to Mother's Day Out at our church in August and she loves it. The only problem is that she refuses to nap and Kadie with no nap = mean Kadie at home. She loves the social aspect though and looks forward to it every week. It has been an adjustment for her with Harrison being gone during the day. She is definitely more high maintenance than usual. We have also had to adapt to an earlier nap time so she is awake in time to pick him up from school. All in all, life is good with Kadie Pearl.
Chris - He quit his job at Precept in July. He started up a media/production company with his friend and ex-coworker in July as well. He is teaching full-time at Soddy Daisy High School as a media teacher. Definitely a lot of changes for him! Teaching seems to be going well. He definitely likes the teaching schedule. The new business (Starving Lion Media) is looking promising. They have done several projects to get their name out there and have a a couple of "real jobs" in place or in the works. It was definitely a leap of faith for him/us to give up the two incomes while we wait to see if the new business flourishes, but we feel like this is where God wants him to go. It seemed like all the right doors opened at the right time. But definitely keep us in your prayers. He has lots of ideas for the business and is constantly brainstorming. I'm very proud of him.
Me/Baby Jelly Bean - Well, I'm 35 weeks pregnant now. Really nothing exciting about me. Things are mostly the same. Well I've been insanely busy and feel like I have no time to do anything. I thought I'd have more time for the house once Harrison started school but so far, is not the case. This pregnancy has been the best out of the three. My BP is perfect, weight gain at 34 weeks was 8 lbs, and I feel pretty good for the most part. We took a 6 week Hypnobabies class (to help relax during labor). The baby was transverse but finally decided to flip around 33 weeks (I did lots of diving, headstands in the pool, inversions and Webster technique with the chiropractor). An ultrasound at 34 weeks showed the baby to be vertex. That was our first ultrasound so it was kind of nice to get a peek. The baby looked healthy and normal and has the prominent wide cheek bones that I pass on to my children. Otherwise, I'm sure it looks just like Harrison and Kadie. I'm not measuring big anywhere, so I'm really hoping to have a 8-9 lb baby as opposed to my usual 10 lbers. Right now I'm starting to hit my nesting mode and trying to get things ready for the home birth. We just did a pretty big house purge but still need to get rid of some more things. I still have lots of unfinished projects for the baby, so I'm hoping inspiration will hit....soon! I'm totally okay if the baby makes a late appearance because I just don't feel ready yet. The end of this pregnancy just sneaked up on me.
I think that is pretty much it. I'm going to try to blog a few times a week. I miss updating my blog but just haven't had the time to devote to it. Normally I blog late at night and I've been going to bed pretty early lately. I'll try to put some pictures up here later but it is now time to take Kadie to MDO. Peace out!
Harrison - He lost his first tooth on July 30th (bottom right) and the next tooth on August 3rd (bottom left). He was a little upset when he lost his first tooth - he was with my sister Debbie and he freaked out on her. By the time he lost the second tooth, he just giggled. He started Kindergarten in August. He had two phase-in days and then started full time on August 24th. He has had a couple of rough days but all in all is doing very well. They are graded daily with colors (purple=rockstar, green=pretty good, yellow=needed quite a bit of direction, red=in trouble a lot). He has gotten almost all purple and one yellow and one red. His main problem is that he HATES to color so when he has a bad day at school, it usually has something to do with coloring. And considering that coloring is such a HUGE part of Kindergarten...well it has been a struggle. He has has already been to the doctor. We went almost 3 years with no sick visits or antibiotics. He had a little bit of a cold that turned into an ear infection. We were at the doctor's office on September 2nd with a double ear infection and possible hole in his eardrum and a mild case of impetigo. So now we are currently doing a round of antibiotics, antihistamine, ear drops and cream for his impetigo. He will play his first soccer game on September 11th. He is super excited...more so about the uniform. He is now in the Children's Choir at church, which he seems to enjoy. He came very close to learning to swim this summer but not quite there yet. Sadly, I can't remember his height. We had a check up in May and he was around 43 inches tall but I know he has grown. He is skinny - he lost from 42 lbs to 40 lbs over the summer. He is wearing 5/5 slims. He was 70-90th percentile on height at his check up. He is very excited about being a big brother again. I'm not too worried about how he will adjust. He adores his new baby cousin so I think 5 is a great age for a new sibling. And he is used to sharing the spotlight now, so this is old hat.
Kadie - She has made leaps and bounds over the summer with everything. I think it is safe to say we are 100% potty trained. She had been doing very well anyway but I was lazy and kept her in diapers for my convenience when we were out and about. But she was still using the potty 90% of the time. Just over the past two weeks, she is staying dry during naps/bedtime. She wore panties to bed last night and woke up completely dry. So hopefully we are ditching diapers! We had switched to using disposables over the summer because she wasn't using that many diapers and I couldn't justify washing 1-2 diapers a day and her pee is too strong to let them sit for a few days, so I'm even more glad about that. Hopefully she won't regress when the new baby comes. She stopped nursing around 26 months. She was nursing pretty infrequently anyway because my milk was drying up with pregnancy and she finally just stopped. She has asked twice in the past few weeks but there is nothing there. I'm anxious to see how she does when the new baby is nursing. She went from a small vocabulary to carrying on conversations. She still isn't 100% clear and has some made-up words but for the most part is rocking the big girl words. She also went from showing no interest in her ABC's, colors, numbers, etc to being obsessed. She knows her alphabet and can recognize at least 95% of uppercase/lowercase letters, counts to 10 unassisted, knows several colors and shapes and loves to sing. She is still very free spirited and easy going but her temper is definitely on the opposite end of that spectrum. She started going to Mother's Day Out at our church in August and she loves it. The only problem is that she refuses to nap and Kadie with no nap = mean Kadie at home. She loves the social aspect though and looks forward to it every week. It has been an adjustment for her with Harrison being gone during the day. She is definitely more high maintenance than usual. We have also had to adapt to an earlier nap time so she is awake in time to pick him up from school. All in all, life is good with Kadie Pearl.
Chris - He quit his job at Precept in July. He started up a media/production company with his friend and ex-coworker in July as well. He is teaching full-time at Soddy Daisy High School as a media teacher. Definitely a lot of changes for him! Teaching seems to be going well. He definitely likes the teaching schedule. The new business (Starving Lion Media) is looking promising. They have done several projects to get their name out there and have a a couple of "real jobs" in place or in the works. It was definitely a leap of faith for him/us to give up the two incomes while we wait to see if the new business flourishes, but we feel like this is where God wants him to go. It seemed like all the right doors opened at the right time. But definitely keep us in your prayers. He has lots of ideas for the business and is constantly brainstorming. I'm very proud of him.
Me/Baby Jelly Bean - Well, I'm 35 weeks pregnant now. Really nothing exciting about me. Things are mostly the same. Well I've been insanely busy and feel like I have no time to do anything. I thought I'd have more time for the house once Harrison started school but so far, is not the case. This pregnancy has been the best out of the three. My BP is perfect, weight gain at 34 weeks was 8 lbs, and I feel pretty good for the most part. We took a 6 week Hypnobabies class (to help relax during labor). The baby was transverse but finally decided to flip around 33 weeks (I did lots of diving, headstands in the pool, inversions and Webster technique with the chiropractor). An ultrasound at 34 weeks showed the baby to be vertex. That was our first ultrasound so it was kind of nice to get a peek. The baby looked healthy and normal and has the prominent wide cheek bones that I pass on to my children. Otherwise, I'm sure it looks just like Harrison and Kadie. I'm not measuring big anywhere, so I'm really hoping to have a 8-9 lb baby as opposed to my usual 10 lbers. Right now I'm starting to hit my nesting mode and trying to get things ready for the home birth. We just did a pretty big house purge but still need to get rid of some more things. I still have lots of unfinished projects for the baby, so I'm hoping inspiration will hit....soon! I'm totally okay if the baby makes a late appearance because I just don't feel ready yet. The end of this pregnancy just sneaked up on me.
I think that is pretty much it. I'm going to try to blog a few times a week. I miss updating my blog but just haven't had the time to devote to it. Normally I blog late at night and I've been going to bed pretty early lately. I'll try to put some pictures up here later but it is now time to take Kadie to MDO. Peace out!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Birthing Jelly Bean #3
So, for those of you who do not know, we are planning a home birth with our next baby.
You might be thinking - didn't you have caesarean's with Harrison and Kadie? Are you allowed to do that? Aren't you afraid something bad is going to happen? What if something happens to you? What if something happens to the baby? Won't you want an epidural? Why would you want to birth at home when you can birth at a hospital?
Generally when I tell most people we are having a home birth, the advice, warnings, etc, start rolling in. Usually unwanted and bad advice. I must say, it is extremely irritating that everyone has an opinion on birth whether they've given birth or not. And everyone has an opinion on home birth whether they have researched it or not. So let me just say, I am a research queen. I would not to anything to jeopardize my baby or myself. I am 100% comfortable with a home birth and quite frankly, looking forward to it. What most people don't realize is that birth is normal. A woman's body knows how to give birth. Modern medicine interferes with the process. Interventions (pitocin induction, epidurals, artificial rupture of membranes -to name a few) generally cause the problems. If doctors would let women go into labor on their own and let their bodies do what we were meant to do, the caesarean rate would drop tremendously.
Ok, off my soapbox.
So, what led me to this decision. Well, I was planning a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) with Kadie. I started planning my VBAC before I was even pregnant with her. My OB was on board. There was no medical reason for my c-section with Kadie. I was 10 days past my "due date" and my OB didn't want me to go any longer. So I reluctantly scheduled the c-section and prayed I would go into labor before hand. As I was laying in the operating room, my OB told me that if we had another baby, he would do a c-section.
So when we got the surprise of a third baby, I knew in my heart the only way I could have a normal vaginal delivery was to plan a home birth. Thankfully, I found a midwife who is right down the street from me who was willing to trust my body's ability to have a baby. And for those of you who are concerned, we are literally less than 5 minutes away from Park Ridge East hospital. My midwife is trained to recognize a problem before it happens and very very rarely has a hospital transport. And even with my 2 previous c-sections, my chance of uterine rupture is still less than 1 percent. And just for the record, uterine ruptures can occur in women who have never even given birth or had a previous c-section.
I have researched this subject quite a bit and continue to research it throughout this pregnancy. I am very comfortable with this decision. For some moms, a repeat c-section is the only choice to consider. I am not that mom. There is nothing wrong with that mom. I personally do not like having surgery. I think the risks of a c-section/repeat c-section are greater than that of a VBAC. These risks are: infection in uterus or nearby organs, increased blood loss, decreased bowel function, complications from anesthesia, longer hospital stay/recovery, risks of additional surgeries (hysterectomy, bladder repair), blood clots, breathing problems with infant, lower apgar scores, and fetal injury. With my last c-section, I got an infection in my incision site and it popped open. It is nearly impossible to adhere to the restrictions given when you already have an active toddler at home.
I do realize I could possibly end up with another c-section. If there is truly a medical reason warranted, I'm okay with it. I just want to do everything in my power to have a normal birth and give my baby a peaceful birthing experience. At this point in time (18 weeks into my current pregnancy) everything is perfectly normal and healthy.
.
You might be thinking - didn't you have caesarean's with Harrison and Kadie? Are you allowed to do that? Aren't you afraid something bad is going to happen? What if something happens to you? What if something happens to the baby? Won't you want an epidural? Why would you want to birth at home when you can birth at a hospital?
Generally when I tell most people we are having a home birth, the advice, warnings, etc, start rolling in. Usually unwanted and bad advice. I must say, it is extremely irritating that everyone has an opinion on birth whether they've given birth or not. And everyone has an opinion on home birth whether they have researched it or not. So let me just say, I am a research queen. I would not to anything to jeopardize my baby or myself. I am 100% comfortable with a home birth and quite frankly, looking forward to it. What most people don't realize is that birth is normal. A woman's body knows how to give birth. Modern medicine interferes with the process. Interventions (pitocin induction, epidurals, artificial rupture of membranes -to name a few) generally cause the problems. If doctors would let women go into labor on their own and let their bodies do what we were meant to do, the caesarean rate would drop tremendously.
Ok, off my soapbox.
So, what led me to this decision. Well, I was planning a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) with Kadie. I started planning my VBAC before I was even pregnant with her. My OB was on board. There was no medical reason for my c-section with Kadie. I was 10 days past my "due date" and my OB didn't want me to go any longer. So I reluctantly scheduled the c-section and prayed I would go into labor before hand. As I was laying in the operating room, my OB told me that if we had another baby, he would do a c-section.
So when we got the surprise of a third baby, I knew in my heart the only way I could have a normal vaginal delivery was to plan a home birth. Thankfully, I found a midwife who is right down the street from me who was willing to trust my body's ability to have a baby. And for those of you who are concerned, we are literally less than 5 minutes away from Park Ridge East hospital. My midwife is trained to recognize a problem before it happens and very very rarely has a hospital transport. And even with my 2 previous c-sections, my chance of uterine rupture is still less than 1 percent. And just for the record, uterine ruptures can occur in women who have never even given birth or had a previous c-section.
I have researched this subject quite a bit and continue to research it throughout this pregnancy. I am very comfortable with this decision. For some moms, a repeat c-section is the only choice to consider. I am not that mom. There is nothing wrong with that mom. I personally do not like having surgery. I think the risks of a c-section/repeat c-section are greater than that of a VBAC. These risks are: infection in uterus or nearby organs, increased blood loss, decreased bowel function, complications from anesthesia, longer hospital stay/recovery, risks of additional surgeries (hysterectomy, bladder repair), blood clots, breathing problems with infant, lower apgar scores, and fetal injury. With my last c-section, I got an infection in my incision site and it popped open. It is nearly impossible to adhere to the restrictions given when you already have an active toddler at home.
I do realize I could possibly end up with another c-section. If there is truly a medical reason warranted, I'm okay with it. I just want to do everything in my power to have a normal birth and give my baby a peaceful birthing experience. At this point in time (18 weeks into my current pregnancy) everything is perfectly normal and healthy.
.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Waiting
I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight. I have also enjoyed watching it. After my Daddy passed away, I had a hard time watching it. I think my emotions were too raw at the time. But lately it really hasn't been a big deal. So, I'm watching it and it shows a girl who is waiting for her brother during a risky surgery and it brought back so many memories.
I can remember waiting for his first surgery. The one that started the whole long process. It was July 23rd. I can remember sitting with Daddy prior to the surgery in the waiting room. We were all taking and trying to make things light. We were worried and he admitted that he was nervous. The surgery was several hours long and it felt like an eternity. I will never forget the feelings of relief seeing his surgeon walk out into the waiting room. We thought everything was okay. We thought we had gotten past the hurdle.
Fast forward about two weeks. He got really ill and was readmitted to ICU. After several days he had another surgery. I honestly can't even remember how many surgeries he had between August 11th and October 18th. I think around a dozen. Anyway, I can remember the feeling of dread and nervousness before each surgery. Sitting in the waiting room waiting for the hourly phone calls to update us on his progress. Watching his surgeon walk into the waiting room and trying to read the expression on his face...was it a relieved look or a look of dismay? What news did he bring us? There were several surgeries that did not go well and we waited for the next critical 24 hours. I would go home and sit up all night glued to my phone. I was the first point of contact since I lived closest to the hospital.
So many emotions go on while you are waiting for a loved one to come out surgery. Will you see them again? Will this be the last surgery? Will the post operative complications be severe?
I remember the last night of waiting like it was yesterday. We knew his hours were numbered. We knew no more extreme measures would be taken to save his life. Daddy was ready. He was tired. There were several times we almost came to it but then some nurse would pump him full of some medication that would prolong his life a few more hours. As I stood there, holding my father's hand watching him drift in and out of consciousness, I wondered if this was the moment? Would this be his last breath? Is he suffering? Does he know that I'm here? Does he feel alone? Is he comfortable? Does he feel peaceful? We were literally waiting for him to die. Those were the most agonizing hours of waiting I've ever lived through.
I can remember waiting for his first surgery. The one that started the whole long process. It was July 23rd. I can remember sitting with Daddy prior to the surgery in the waiting room. We were all taking and trying to make things light. We were worried and he admitted that he was nervous. The surgery was several hours long and it felt like an eternity. I will never forget the feelings of relief seeing his surgeon walk out into the waiting room. We thought everything was okay. We thought we had gotten past the hurdle.
Fast forward about two weeks. He got really ill and was readmitted to ICU. After several days he had another surgery. I honestly can't even remember how many surgeries he had between August 11th and October 18th. I think around a dozen. Anyway, I can remember the feeling of dread and nervousness before each surgery. Sitting in the waiting room waiting for the hourly phone calls to update us on his progress. Watching his surgeon walk into the waiting room and trying to read the expression on his face...was it a relieved look or a look of dismay? What news did he bring us? There were several surgeries that did not go well and we waited for the next critical 24 hours. I would go home and sit up all night glued to my phone. I was the first point of contact since I lived closest to the hospital.
So many emotions go on while you are waiting for a loved one to come out surgery. Will you see them again? Will this be the last surgery? Will the post operative complications be severe?
I remember the last night of waiting like it was yesterday. We knew his hours were numbered. We knew no more extreme measures would be taken to save his life. Daddy was ready. He was tired. There were several times we almost came to it but then some nurse would pump him full of some medication that would prolong his life a few more hours. As I stood there, holding my father's hand watching him drift in and out of consciousness, I wondered if this was the moment? Would this be his last breath? Is he suffering? Does he know that I'm here? Does he feel alone? Is he comfortable? Does he feel peaceful? We were literally waiting for him to die. Those were the most agonizing hours of waiting I've ever lived through.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Negativity = Annoying..instead of being a Negative Nelly, why don't you put that energy somewhere useful?
So it has been weeks since I have blogged. I just haven't felt well lately and certainly not in a writing mood. But today I have something weighing heavy on my heart and need to get it off my chest.
I just finished getting our dinner in the crock pot and getting Kadie down for her nap. I'm sitting here thinking how thankful I am that Kadie is napping again and how thankful I am that we have food to eat. I decide to check facebook and I am bombarded with negativity. Now, I do update my status with things that are not positive. I'm sure we all do it but when I read status updates of over 200 people and hardly any of them have anything good to say, I start to get irritated. Really, your life is that bad?
Did you get out of a bed this morning? A bed that is covered by a roof? Oh wow, you did? You are more fortunate than over half a million people in the United States.
Did you eat breakfast, lunch. or a snack today? Have you eaten anything at all? Chances are some of you reading this dined at a restaurant today. Maybe even drove by Starbucks. Perhaps you packed your lunch or ate leftovers. One out of every six Americans will go to bed hungry tonight. Are you one of them? Did you know that every day nearly 25,000 people die because of hunger or hunger related causes? Instead of griping about your bad restaurant service or eating leftovers, why don't you drop some of your extra non perishables at a food bank or treat a homeless man to a meal?
Did you put clothing on this morning? Clothing that was clean? Clothing that will keep your warm and protected from the elements? Do you have shoes and socks on that will keep your feet warm and dry? Google world poverty. I promise, you will realize you have much to be thankful about.
Are you drinking clean water today? Water that won't make you sick or kill you? If you did, maybe you should consider donating to a clean water cause.
So many people are complaining about their jobs. It seems as if half the employed population is complaining about the idiots working amongst them. Have you taken a look at unemployment statistics lately?
And the fact that most of you are updating your facebook status would imply to me that you have access to a computer or phone. Do you realize that you, my friend, would be considered rich by many, many people?
I realize that life can seem terrible sometimes. I can pretty much sum up the year of 2009 as a year I want to erase out of my life. And don't get me started on my once sweet little baby girl, who has been having non-stop fits for 5 days in a row. But guess, what? God has brought me this far. God has a plan for me. This world is only temporary so I need to suck it up and deal with it. I realize we can get bogged down in our day to day drudgeries and things just seem mundane. But the next time you feel compelled to share with the world how terrible your life is....is it really that terrible indeed?
The next time you wake up in a bad mood. Thank God that you woke up this morning. Thank Him that you have a bed to sleep in.
The next time that you have terrible service at a restaurant and decide to chew out your waitress - ask her what is wrong? Ask her if you can pray for her? Offer her Christ.
Tomorrow, if you have a horrible day at work and decide that you are one of the many that work amongst idiots - pray for them instead. Tell God how grateful you are that you have a job and ask Him what your purpose is?
Yes, life can be awful sometimes. But there is joy. There is joy and peace in Someone I know. His name is Jesus Christ. I am thankful I have the freedom to write about this and publish it for anyone in the world who wants to view it.
I just finished getting our dinner in the crock pot and getting Kadie down for her nap. I'm sitting here thinking how thankful I am that Kadie is napping again and how thankful I am that we have food to eat. I decide to check facebook and I am bombarded with negativity. Now, I do update my status with things that are not positive. I'm sure we all do it but when I read status updates of over 200 people and hardly any of them have anything good to say, I start to get irritated. Really, your life is that bad?
Did you get out of a bed this morning? A bed that is covered by a roof? Oh wow, you did? You are more fortunate than over half a million people in the United States.
Did you eat breakfast, lunch. or a snack today? Have you eaten anything at all? Chances are some of you reading this dined at a restaurant today. Maybe even drove by Starbucks. Perhaps you packed your lunch or ate leftovers. One out of every six Americans will go to bed hungry tonight. Are you one of them? Did you know that every day nearly 25,000 people die because of hunger or hunger related causes? Instead of griping about your bad restaurant service or eating leftovers, why don't you drop some of your extra non perishables at a food bank or treat a homeless man to a meal?
Did you put clothing on this morning? Clothing that was clean? Clothing that will keep your warm and protected from the elements? Do you have shoes and socks on that will keep your feet warm and dry? Google world poverty. I promise, you will realize you have much to be thankful about.
Are you drinking clean water today? Water that won't make you sick or kill you? If you did, maybe you should consider donating to a clean water cause.
So many people are complaining about their jobs. It seems as if half the employed population is complaining about the idiots working amongst them. Have you taken a look at unemployment statistics lately?
And the fact that most of you are updating your facebook status would imply to me that you have access to a computer or phone. Do you realize that you, my friend, would be considered rich by many, many people?
I realize that life can seem terrible sometimes. I can pretty much sum up the year of 2009 as a year I want to erase out of my life. And don't get me started on my once sweet little baby girl, who has been having non-stop fits for 5 days in a row. But guess, what? God has brought me this far. God has a plan for me. This world is only temporary so I need to suck it up and deal with it. I realize we can get bogged down in our day to day drudgeries and things just seem mundane. But the next time you feel compelled to share with the world how terrible your life is....is it really that terrible indeed?
The next time you wake up in a bad mood. Thank God that you woke up this morning. Thank Him that you have a bed to sleep in.
The next time that you have terrible service at a restaurant and decide to chew out your waitress - ask her what is wrong? Ask her if you can pray for her? Offer her Christ.
Tomorrow, if you have a horrible day at work and decide that you are one of the many that work amongst idiots - pray for them instead. Tell God how grateful you are that you have a job and ask Him what your purpose is?
Yes, life can be awful sometimes. But there is joy. There is joy and peace in Someone I know. His name is Jesus Christ. I am thankful I have the freedom to write about this and publish it for anyone in the world who wants to view it.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Trusting God
I've struggled through most of my Christian walk with trusting God. It isn't that I don't think He loves me, or that He wants what is best for me. It is that I don't know if what He wants for me is what I want for me. I know that is incredibly selfish but it is true. Lately I've been praying a lot about trusting Him more and taking whatever He throws my way because I am not in control.
I am not in control.
I am not in control.
God is sovereign. God has a plan for me. He has a plan for my family. And when God hears that earnest prayer, He will show you that He is in control. Sit back and enjoy the ride. That is all I can say.
I can handle anything he chooses to give me. I can do whatever He entrusts me to do.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
I am not in control.
I am not in control.
God is sovereign. God has a plan for me. He has a plan for my family. And when God hears that earnest prayer, He will show you that He is in control. Sit back and enjoy the ride. That is all I can say.
I can handle anything he chooses to give me. I can do whatever He entrusts me to do.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Snow Day
We have had the most snow here this weekend than Harrison or Kadie have ever seen. I thought I'd post some pictures of our family enjoying it.
Watching the snow from the inside (before Harrison was allowed to bear weight on his cast) and I'm sure Kadie will kill me for this picture one day.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
You really cannot protect them from everything!
Yesterday was a typical Tuesday. We were actually on time to Mom's Day Out and the children left without a fuss. Kadie only cried minimally when we left (she always cries to stay). I worked out for an hour and went to Publix to get some groceries. My sister was going to pick Harrison up for me so he could spend the night with her. On my way home, I got a call from the MDO director. She explained to me that Harrison had gotten tangled up in some wrestling boys in his class, fell down and hurt his right leg and they could not calm him down. She thought he just might need his mommy. So I tell her I'll drop off my groceries and be right there. So I drive home, fling the perishables in the fridge and head back out to get my son. So I get there and I'm greeted by Harrison sitting by himself with his teacher. He did not want to walk to the lunchroom with the other kids. In fact, he did not want to walk at all, and was flat out refusing. I could tell he had been crying. His teacher explained to me what happened. I tried to get him to walk...not happening. So the director carried Kadie out to the van while I carried Harrison. In our ride I told him it was not a good idea to spend the night with Aunt Debbie since he was not able to walk. He told me he was just scared and that he didn't hurt anymore and he cried to go to her house. My sister was comfortable with it (she was a pediatric nurse for at least 10 years) and promised she would call if anything warranted a phone call and bring him home if needed. So he goes to her house and still won't walk and just wants to lay around and watch TV. They had a pretty uneventful evening and he was cheerful. I called several times to check on him and decided that if he had not forgotten about his injury in the morning, I'd take him for a x-ray.
Side note: Kadie pooped in the potty during the midst of all of this!
Fast forward to 8:00 am this morning. My sister calls. Harrison is having a rough morning and is also coughing. She said she'd bring him to me after breakfast, etc. So they get to the house around 10:30 or so. I had already decided if he still would not walk, he was going to the ER. So I carry him into the house and explain to him that if he really and truly cannot walk, he is going to the doctor. He gets really upset but still refuses to walk. So I load the stroller into the van and we head off to Children's ER . It was all very smooth and fast. My only other experience nearly 5 years ago was just as smooth. Both of the kids were extremely well behaved and my sister was a huge help. Harrison was incredibly brave.
After triage, x-ray and then being placed into a waiting room for an examination I realized a fear of mine. No matter what I do, I cannot protect my children from everything. I am not in control of everything. I was completely and utterly helpless. My son got really upset during the physical exam because it was painful. Then the doctor went to read the x-rays. What was probably 10 minutes - felt like an eternity. Kadie was sitting happily in the stroller munching on goldfish and Harrison was engrossed in his Star Wars book. Could this really be happening? Could my son have a broken bone after a seemingly harmless fall at MDO? Seriously? I doubted him because let's face it...he can be a wee bit dramatic sometimes. I felt so ashamed that I didn't take him to the ER the previous night. I felt so terrible that I didn't believe him when he said he couldn't walk on it. Granted, it isn't the first time he has said that he can't walk but usually he will walk eventually...this time he didn't. Why didn't I trust my God given maternal instincts?
Side note: During the midst of all this we got a call from family. My nephew was having an unexpected tonsillectomy due to a fungal infection that was blocking his airway.
The doctor comes back in the room to give us the report. A toddler's fracture in his tibia. He said it is very common. They don't cast it in Europe. They often go untreated/uncasted if the child will bear weight. But because Harrison wouldn't bear weight on his, he got casted. So my precious little boy has a temporary cast all the way from his bottom to his toes. He did so well when they put it on him. He has been obsessed with bones lately. It probably monopolizes 80% of our conversations. So we talked about bones while he lay on his tummy and got a cast. So we follow up with an orthopedist on Friday. He will more than likely get a short cast. We are supposed to keep him off of it until then.
So here are some pictures of my little warrior, who I might add is incredibly proud of his cast!
Side note: Kadie pooped in the potty during the midst of all of this!
Fast forward to 8:00 am this morning. My sister calls. Harrison is having a rough morning and is also coughing. She said she'd bring him to me after breakfast, etc. So they get to the house around 10:30 or so. I had already decided if he still would not walk, he was going to the ER. So I carry him into the house and explain to him that if he really and truly cannot walk, he is going to the doctor. He gets really upset but still refuses to walk. So I load the stroller into the van and we head off to Children's ER . It was all very smooth and fast. My only other experience nearly 5 years ago was just as smooth. Both of the kids were extremely well behaved and my sister was a huge help. Harrison was incredibly brave.
After triage, x-ray and then being placed into a waiting room for an examination I realized a fear of mine. No matter what I do, I cannot protect my children from everything. I am not in control of everything. I was completely and utterly helpless. My son got really upset during the physical exam because it was painful. Then the doctor went to read the x-rays. What was probably 10 minutes - felt like an eternity. Kadie was sitting happily in the stroller munching on goldfish and Harrison was engrossed in his Star Wars book. Could this really be happening? Could my son have a broken bone after a seemingly harmless fall at MDO? Seriously? I doubted him because let's face it...he can be a wee bit dramatic sometimes. I felt so ashamed that I didn't take him to the ER the previous night. I felt so terrible that I didn't believe him when he said he couldn't walk on it. Granted, it isn't the first time he has said that he can't walk but usually he will walk eventually...this time he didn't. Why didn't I trust my God given maternal instincts?
Side note: During the midst of all this we got a call from family. My nephew was having an unexpected tonsillectomy due to a fungal infection that was blocking his airway.
The doctor comes back in the room to give us the report. A toddler's fracture in his tibia. He said it is very common. They don't cast it in Europe. They often go untreated/uncasted if the child will bear weight. But because Harrison wouldn't bear weight on his, he got casted. So my precious little boy has a temporary cast all the way from his bottom to his toes. He did so well when they put it on him. He has been obsessed with bones lately. It probably monopolizes 80% of our conversations. So we talked about bones while he lay on his tummy and got a cast. So we follow up with an orthopedist on Friday. He will more than likely get a short cast. We are supposed to keep him off of it until then.
So here are some pictures of my little warrior, who I might add is incredibly proud of his cast!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Homemade Household Cleaning Recipes
My niece asked me a week ago about how to make household cleaners so I figured I'd blog them for everyone to enjoy. Please feel free to add your own in the comments.
Laundry Detergent (this works well for cloth diapers too)
22 ounces of Arm & Hammer washing soda (I can only find this at Publix)
7 ounces of baking soda
7-8 ounces of oxygen cleaner (I use Sun because it is cheapest)
Mix and enjoy. This is great for HE machines because there is no soap. Use 1-2 oxygen cleaner scoops per load. If you have hard water, use apple cider vinegar in your rinse.
Fabric Softener
Regular vinegar - softens just as well as fabric softener without the funky chemicals. Just fill your rinse dispenser or put it in a downy ball.
All Purpose Cleaner
1/2 Vinegar
1/2 Water
A few drops of tea tree oil
I put mine in spray bottles throughout the house for convenience.
Window & Mirror Cleaner
Rubbing Alcohol
I use mine in a spray bottle and use coffee filters to wipe clean
Scouring/Scrubbing Agent
Lemon slice with baking soda
Scrub tough stains, soap scums away
Cleaning Paste
Mix vinegar, baking soda and lemon juice to make a thick paste for scrubbing
Bathroom cleaner
Cheap vodka in a spray bottle
Baby Wipe Solution
2 squirts baby oil or olive oil
2 squirts of baby wash (I use Dr Bronners)
1 drop tea tree oil
1 cup water
Mix and put in a spray bottle. You can spray directly onto your wipe for desired wetness.
Laundry Detergent (this works well for cloth diapers too)
22 ounces of Arm & Hammer washing soda (I can only find this at Publix)
7 ounces of baking soda
7-8 ounces of oxygen cleaner (I use Sun because it is cheapest)
Mix and enjoy. This is great for HE machines because there is no soap. Use 1-2 oxygen cleaner scoops per load. If you have hard water, use apple cider vinegar in your rinse.
Fabric Softener
Regular vinegar - softens just as well as fabric softener without the funky chemicals. Just fill your rinse dispenser or put it in a downy ball.
All Purpose Cleaner
1/2 Vinegar
1/2 Water
A few drops of tea tree oil
I put mine in spray bottles throughout the house for convenience.
Window & Mirror Cleaner
Rubbing Alcohol
I use mine in a spray bottle and use coffee filters to wipe clean
Scouring/Scrubbing Agent
Lemon slice with baking soda
Scrub tough stains, soap scums away
Cleaning Paste
Mix vinegar, baking soda and lemon juice to make a thick paste for scrubbing
Bathroom cleaner
Cheap vodka in a spray bottle
Baby Wipe Solution
2 squirts baby oil or olive oil
2 squirts of baby wash (I use Dr Bronners)
1 drop tea tree oil
1 cup water
Mix and put in a spray bottle. You can spray directly onto your wipe for desired wetness.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Randomness
I'm so sleepy right now so I thought I'd write to keep me awake.
Smart wool socks make me happy. I know it is weird. I love socks. Especially cute printed ones. If they are smart wool socks with a pattern I'm filled with glee.
I'm so behind on housework this week. I feel like I haven't been home. I just have to figure out a routine that includes going to the gym. Not to mention I have been shopping and running errands every day except Monday.
Ugh I hear Kadie dumping out a container of cars. I just picked up H's room. It was so messy. My children are so messy. They get into everything. I think it is because they have way too many toys. I even weeded them out but there are still too many. The problem is that they play with everything so it is hard to choose what to donate.
I really hate lady bugs. Since October I have been battling them in our kitchen and Harrison's room. Nothing I do works. I'm so sick of them.
I cannot wait to get new carpet. We were going to do it last summer/fall but with Dad getting sick, it was the last thing on my mind. I'm trying to hold off until spring. I'm not sure why but I think it is a better spring project. Maybe late winter? I'm thinking early March. However, I may change my mind. The mismatched ugly carpet makes me want to vomit every day. I know I should be thankful that I have a house that has floors and not dirt. Thank you God for my ugly mismatched carpet.
I'm itching to do all sorts of projects. I want to paint so many rooms. Okay, well two. My problem is motivation and time. I have a hard time getting anything done with my children. They get into everything. Everything. If I'm painting during the day that means I'm not watching them. That means destroyed house. I wish I could just hire someone to do it.
And decorating. I suck at decorating. I have lived in my house for 15 months and still have nothing on my walls with the exception of the living room and a few things in the kids rooms. It stresses me out. I wish I had a friend that would just pick some things out for me and tell me where to put them. One of my projects for this week was to get some things hung up in the hallway. Hmm.....
So Chris did some winter sowing this past Monday. I'm excited about that. I really want a nice herb garden this year.
Ugh still sleepy. Now I hear Kadie dumping something else. I guess that is enough randomness.
Smart wool socks make me happy. I know it is weird. I love socks. Especially cute printed ones. If they are smart wool socks with a pattern I'm filled with glee.
I'm so behind on housework this week. I feel like I haven't been home. I just have to figure out a routine that includes going to the gym. Not to mention I have been shopping and running errands every day except Monday.
Ugh I hear Kadie dumping out a container of cars. I just picked up H's room. It was so messy. My children are so messy. They get into everything. I think it is because they have way too many toys. I even weeded them out but there are still too many. The problem is that they play with everything so it is hard to choose what to donate.
I really hate lady bugs. Since October I have been battling them in our kitchen and Harrison's room. Nothing I do works. I'm so sick of them.
I cannot wait to get new carpet. We were going to do it last summer/fall but with Dad getting sick, it was the last thing on my mind. I'm trying to hold off until spring. I'm not sure why but I think it is a better spring project. Maybe late winter? I'm thinking early March. However, I may change my mind. The mismatched ugly carpet makes me want to vomit every day. I know I should be thankful that I have a house that has floors and not dirt. Thank you God for my ugly mismatched carpet.
I'm itching to do all sorts of projects. I want to paint so many rooms. Okay, well two. My problem is motivation and time. I have a hard time getting anything done with my children. They get into everything. Everything. If I'm painting during the day that means I'm not watching them. That means destroyed house. I wish I could just hire someone to do it.
And decorating. I suck at decorating. I have lived in my house for 15 months and still have nothing on my walls with the exception of the living room and a few things in the kids rooms. It stresses me out. I wish I had a friend that would just pick some things out for me and tell me where to put them. One of my projects for this week was to get some things hung up in the hallway. Hmm.....
So Chris did some winter sowing this past Monday. I'm excited about that. I really want a nice herb garden this year.
Ugh still sleepy. Now I hear Kadie dumping something else. I guess that is enough randomness.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Wal-Mart Experience
So I leave the gym today with both of my children. We needed to finish up the grocery shopping from yesterday. I needed to get Chris some air freshener for his car so I decided to just finish up at Wal-Mart rather than Publix. (By the way I forgot his air freshener - my whole reason for going to WM). It was pouring down rain. I waited for a bit in the van to see if it would pass and it didn't so we braved it. No big deal. My children love to run through the rain without an umbrella - which we had, but what fun is that?
So, it starts with a mini meltdown from Kadie because she wanted to sit in the cart that has the 2 seats in the front, but it was soaking wet. By the time we got to the dairy section she was calm. Then Chris calls me to tell me that some great news we got earlier in the day wasn't quite as great as we thought it was. So I was a little stressed but trying to make the most of it. I truly loathe going to Wal-Mart and that alone puts me in a bad mood (yes I am moody). Well, of course I forgot my list so I kept trekking back and forth trying to remember everything. A brief trip took forever because I was frazzled and disorganized. The kids were amazingly well behaved after K's mini meltdown.
We get in the line to check-out. Harrison is being cute and polite and Kadie is just being cute. It is our turn, so I load up all my stuff on the conveyor belt thingy with H's help. So I push my cart over to the side of the spinny thing with bags so I can load the bags. This elderly gentleman starts to walk my way. He has a cane and it literally took him a minute to get from the bench (which was probably 15-20 feet from me). I had just placed a bag in our cart. He is walking right towards us. I think that he surely is confused? He doesn't know us? Maybe he thinks he knows us? There was a lady behind us...maybe he is with her? He proceeds to stop at the bag spinny thing and hands me every single bag. He slowly and carefully hands me each bag so I can put it in my cart without having to walk back and forth. This was the sweetest gesture I have had from a complete stranger in quite some time. I thanked him and told him how kind he was. He told me he was a bag boy his whole life and would still do it "if he wasn't all crippled".
Now this may seem small and insignificant and perhaps I could have done it faster myself. He was a very frail man. But the fact is, it was kind. Good old fashioned chivalry at its best. He saw a lady with 2 small children and decided to help. It made my whole day. Thank you God for placing such a kind man in my path today that made me feel God's love.
After this random encounter I started thinking how I should act upon kind thoughts that enter my head. I think of kind things to do all the time - but the thoughts are fleeting. I used to do it all the time in high school. Why don't I anymore? Because I'm a frazzled housewife wrapped up in my daily life? Lame. So from now on I'm going to act on it. If I think I should send someone a card or email I will do it. I will never slack on thank you notes anymore. If I want to surprise someone with some tie dyed cuteness, I will do it. I will do it because God has given me the ability to do so and in a small way it is showing the love of God. Just being kind can totally make a person's day.
So, it starts with a mini meltdown from Kadie because she wanted to sit in the cart that has the 2 seats in the front, but it was soaking wet. By the time we got to the dairy section she was calm. Then Chris calls me to tell me that some great news we got earlier in the day wasn't quite as great as we thought it was. So I was a little stressed but trying to make the most of it. I truly loathe going to Wal-Mart and that alone puts me in a bad mood (yes I am moody). Well, of course I forgot my list so I kept trekking back and forth trying to remember everything. A brief trip took forever because I was frazzled and disorganized. The kids were amazingly well behaved after K's mini meltdown.
We get in the line to check-out. Harrison is being cute and polite and Kadie is just being cute. It is our turn, so I load up all my stuff on the conveyor belt thingy with H's help. So I push my cart over to the side of the spinny thing with bags so I can load the bags. This elderly gentleman starts to walk my way. He has a cane and it literally took him a minute to get from the bench (which was probably 15-20 feet from me). I had just placed a bag in our cart. He is walking right towards us. I think that he surely is confused? He doesn't know us? Maybe he thinks he knows us? There was a lady behind us...maybe he is with her? He proceeds to stop at the bag spinny thing and hands me every single bag. He slowly and carefully hands me each bag so I can put it in my cart without having to walk back and forth. This was the sweetest gesture I have had from a complete stranger in quite some time. I thanked him and told him how kind he was. He told me he was a bag boy his whole life and would still do it "if he wasn't all crippled".
Now this may seem small and insignificant and perhaps I could have done it faster myself. He was a very frail man. But the fact is, it was kind. Good old fashioned chivalry at its best. He saw a lady with 2 small children and decided to help. It made my whole day. Thank you God for placing such a kind man in my path today that made me feel God's love.
After this random encounter I started thinking how I should act upon kind thoughts that enter my head. I think of kind things to do all the time - but the thoughts are fleeting. I used to do it all the time in high school. Why don't I anymore? Because I'm a frazzled housewife wrapped up in my daily life? Lame. So from now on I'm going to act on it. If I think I should send someone a card or email I will do it. I will never slack on thank you notes anymore. If I want to surprise someone with some tie dyed cuteness, I will do it. I will do it because God has given me the ability to do so and in a small way it is showing the love of God. Just being kind can totally make a person's day.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Many Shapes of Alicia
So I joined a gym today and worked out. I joined Fit One (Thanks for telling me Dana!) which is owned/operated by a family that goes to my church. I'm super excited. It isn't like a meat market so I felt totally comfortable exercising there today.
Anyway, when I was on the elliptical machine today I was all disgusted with myself. Then I got to thinking about how far I have come in the past 4 years. Now granted I still have "baby" weight to lose but I think I am too hard on myself. Because even if I don't lose the weight, I'm in better shape than I was 4 years ago.
Here are some pictures of my progress.
This was me as a skinny minnie 18 year old.
Anyway, when I was on the elliptical machine today I was all disgusted with myself. Then I got to thinking about how far I have come in the past 4 years. Now granted I still have "baby" weight to lose but I think I am too hard on myself. Because even if I don't lose the weight, I'm in better shape than I was 4 years ago.
Here are some pictures of my progress.
This was me as a skinny minnie 18 year old.
Some of my highest weights.
About halfway there
Trying on my old size 22's
Random pictures from spring 2007 - around my lowest weight. The last one is my 30th birthday with my friend Andrea.
So I do still get disgusted with my body but I look at these old pictures and I am thankful I am not that person anymore!
Monday, January 18, 2010
A letter to my Dad
Dear Daddy,
Well, today has been 3 months since you left. It is hard to believe we have started a new year without you. For the most part the past 3 months have been a clouded fog of emotions. Surprisingly it has gotten easier. I don't cry every day, anymore. I took Harrison to your grave this past Thursday and it was the first time I went without sobbing hysterically. Perhaps I was trying to hold it together for him because he wanted to tell you about his Christmas presents. I was proud of him. He misses you dearly. He told me yesterday he was sick and needed to go to the hospital so that he could go to Heaven and see you. I knew it would be hard on him but I had no idea it would be this hard.
I think of you every day. When I think about you for a great length of time that painful ache in my chest and throat creeps over me. I am getting to the point where I can think of you and smile. I'm happy to be at the point. I helped Mom go through your things a couple of weeks ago. We put all of your clothes into some tubs. We are going to make memory quilts with most of it. That should keep us busy! Mom finally took your jeans off the coat tree in the bedroom because she couldn't smell you on them anymore. She figured it was time to wash them and put them away. It was too painful for her to walk into the closet and see all of your things. She is finally accepting that you aren't coming back to us. I think we are all slowly coming at peace with your death. She is staying with Daresa for a couple of weeks. I think it will be good for her. She is also taking a class at church with me and will be taking a class at Precept this spring. We are trying to take care of her for you.
If I could rewind time, I would. Just to hold your hand and give you a hug. To tell you again how much I love you and how proud I am that you fought so hard to stay with us. I've said it a hundred times. You are the strongest man I've ever know and I'm proud to call you my Daddy. I'm glad you are at peace. I can't begin to imagine what you are experiencing right now in Heaven. It gives me comfort. I will see you again one day.
If I have learned anything from losing you it has been to treasure life. Appreciate life. Love. I'm trying hard to make some changes. I want to treasure life. I want to love my family more deeply. I want to have fun with our friends. I want to appreciate the things I take for granted. I think these things would make you proud.
Well Daddy, I hope you are having a blast in Heaven :-). I love you and miss you dearly.
Love,
Alicia
Well, today has been 3 months since you left. It is hard to believe we have started a new year without you. For the most part the past 3 months have been a clouded fog of emotions. Surprisingly it has gotten easier. I don't cry every day, anymore. I took Harrison to your grave this past Thursday and it was the first time I went without sobbing hysterically. Perhaps I was trying to hold it together for him because he wanted to tell you about his Christmas presents. I was proud of him. He misses you dearly. He told me yesterday he was sick and needed to go to the hospital so that he could go to Heaven and see you. I knew it would be hard on him but I had no idea it would be this hard.
I think of you every day. When I think about you for a great length of time that painful ache in my chest and throat creeps over me. I am getting to the point where I can think of you and smile. I'm happy to be at the point. I helped Mom go through your things a couple of weeks ago. We put all of your clothes into some tubs. We are going to make memory quilts with most of it. That should keep us busy! Mom finally took your jeans off the coat tree in the bedroom because she couldn't smell you on them anymore. She figured it was time to wash them and put them away. It was too painful for her to walk into the closet and see all of your things. She is finally accepting that you aren't coming back to us. I think we are all slowly coming at peace with your death. She is staying with Daresa for a couple of weeks. I think it will be good for her. She is also taking a class at church with me and will be taking a class at Precept this spring. We are trying to take care of her for you.
If I could rewind time, I would. Just to hold your hand and give you a hug. To tell you again how much I love you and how proud I am that you fought so hard to stay with us. I've said it a hundred times. You are the strongest man I've ever know and I'm proud to call you my Daddy. I'm glad you are at peace. I can't begin to imagine what you are experiencing right now in Heaven. It gives me comfort. I will see you again one day.
If I have learned anything from losing you it has been to treasure life. Appreciate life. Love. I'm trying hard to make some changes. I want to treasure life. I want to love my family more deeply. I want to have fun with our friends. I want to appreciate the things I take for granted. I think these things would make you proud.
Well Daddy, I hope you are having a blast in Heaven :-). I love you and miss you dearly.
Love,
Alicia
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Love
So my pastor spoke on love today. It really got me thinking. Our church's new mission statement is - Love God. Love Others. Offer them Christ. It seems so simple. So basic. But really...
I mean if you truly love God you will desire to be close to Him. You will hunger to be in His word. You will remain in a spirit of prayer throughout the day. You will try to keep keep His commandments.
Why is it so hard? Why does everything in my life keep me from doing this?
I have been on many paths throughout my almost 33 (yikes) years of living. Paths I look back on fondly and paths I'd prefer to forget. Lessons learned. Mistakes made. Tons of growing. I had a lengthy detour during most of my college years and during the early years of our marriage. Those are years I cannot get back. But one thing I can say is that I have always loved people and even in my darkest years I still knew God loved me and expected me to love others.
I want this to be my own personal mission statement for the rest of my life. I do love God. I want to serve Him. I want to be close to Him and learn more and more about Him.
I love my husband and my children dearly. As well as the rest of my family. And my church family and my friends. I want this love to be manifested in everything I do.
If you read this blog, hold me accountable, please!
I mean if you truly love God you will desire to be close to Him. You will hunger to be in His word. You will remain in a spirit of prayer throughout the day. You will try to keep keep His commandments.
Why is it so hard? Why does everything in my life keep me from doing this?
I have been on many paths throughout my almost 33 (yikes) years of living. Paths I look back on fondly and paths I'd prefer to forget. Lessons learned. Mistakes made. Tons of growing. I had a lengthy detour during most of my college years and during the early years of our marriage. Those are years I cannot get back. But one thing I can say is that I have always loved people and even in my darkest years I still knew God loved me and expected me to love others.
I want this to be my own personal mission statement for the rest of my life. I do love God. I want to serve Him. I want to be close to Him and learn more and more about Him.
I love my husband and my children dearly. As well as the rest of my family. And my church family and my friends. I want this love to be manifested in everything I do.
If you read this blog, hold me accountable, please!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
There are many reasons I love my husband
He always makes my coffee on the weekends - just how I like it.
He loves to make breakfast.
He can be funny :)
We make insanely cute babies.
We have fun together.
And he dances to Maroon 5 in a leopard print snuggie with morning hair with his daughter :) Enjoy.
He loves to make breakfast.
He can be funny :)
We make insanely cute babies.
We have fun together.
And he dances to Maroon 5 in a leopard print snuggie with morning hair with his daughter :) Enjoy.
Do you ever wonder?
What your life would be like if you were an open vessel to God's plan?
My prayer is that my family can be open to whatever God wants us to do.
Can you imagine the bliss? Can you imagine the fulfillment?
Yes it might be difficult. In fact, I'm certain it would be difficult. That fact that I've been trying to seek God's will for my life this week alone has been difficult. Following God's plan for your life is not easy but He will bless you beyond measure.
God, help me to be open to Your plan. I pray that I can be used for Your glory. I pray that I can have meaningful relationships and interactions with others that are for Your glory. I pray that I will be receptive to You.
My prayer is that my family can be open to whatever God wants us to do.
Can you imagine the bliss? Can you imagine the fulfillment?
Yes it might be difficult. In fact, I'm certain it would be difficult. That fact that I've been trying to seek God's will for my life this week alone has been difficult. Following God's plan for your life is not easy but He will bless you beyond measure.
God, help me to be open to Your plan. I pray that I can be used for Your glory. I pray that I can have meaningful relationships and interactions with others that are for Your glory. I pray that I will be receptive to You.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
This is why my laundry pile never goes away.
These photos were taken merely 2 hours apart from each other. Good thing she is cute. This is exactly why my children look homeless if you come to visit us during the week.
My babies
So this morning I am awakened by a 20 month old calling out "Mama". It takes me about 5 minutes to respond. I know what she wants. She wants her morning milkies. She doesn't nurse that often anymore but their are certain times she must nurse and she will not bend. So we curl up in the big brown recliner in the playroom while she nurses and I enjoy those early morning snuggles. I am thankful I made the decision to breastfeed my children and stuck with it. I am thankful that I decided I didn't care what people thought of me and decided to let Kadie nurse as long as she desires. If I weaned her at one year I wouldn't have these early morning snuggles. I mean how often does a 20 month old stay in your lap for at least 20 minutes without wiggling and trying to get down? Exactly. They don't. Unless they are sick. Plus, still letting her nurse makes me appreciate the fact that she is still my baby and very possibly my last one. I'm in no rush for her to grow up. I will treasure these sweet baby moments forever.
Hello, my name is Alicia and I am a lactivist. Just in case you didn't know.
Then as we finished I hear my little man walking downstairs. His Pop Up Play World is still set up from last night. He barely speaks a word to either of us and immediately starts playing. Then Little Bit joins in with him. Harrison looks at me and says:
"Mom, I forgot to show Pops my Pop Up Play World".
"Which Pops Harrison?" (I am fairly certain I know but you can't assume with this child)
"The one that used to feed me cottage cheese." (my dad)
"Well buddy do you remember why you weren't able to show him?"
"Yeah mom. He is in Heaven and asleep so he can't see it. But I still want to show him."
"Well do you want to visit his grave and tell him about it?"
"Yeah I do but he won't answer me."
"Well Harrison you won't hear him talk and you won't even see him but I still think you might like to tell him about it at his grave."
"Ok, can we go tell him about it? "
We all miss my dad. Very much so. Harrison misses him terribly. He was a huge part in Harrison's life. I'm thankful he is talking about it now. Grief is very real. Even for a four year old.
Hello, my name is Alicia and I am a lactivist. Just in case you didn't know.
Then as we finished I hear my little man walking downstairs. His Pop Up Play World is still set up from last night. He barely speaks a word to either of us and immediately starts playing. Then Little Bit joins in with him. Harrison looks at me and says:
"Mom, I forgot to show Pops my Pop Up Play World".
"Which Pops Harrison?" (I am fairly certain I know but you can't assume with this child)
"The one that used to feed me cottage cheese." (my dad)
"Well buddy do you remember why you weren't able to show him?"
"Yeah mom. He is in Heaven and asleep so he can't see it. But I still want to show him."
"Well do you want to visit his grave and tell him about it?"
"Yeah I do but he won't answer me."
"Well Harrison you won't hear him talk and you won't even see him but I still think you might like to tell him about it at his grave."
"Ok, can we go tell him about it? "
We all miss my dad. Very much so. Harrison misses him terribly. He was a huge part in Harrison's life. I'm thankful he is talking about it now. Grief is very real. Even for a four year old.
Monday, January 11, 2010
One of those Mondays....
Today will go down in my history as one of those days I want to forget. I started out having a hard time getting started today. We finally got out after 11 to get groceries. Started out fine. We went to Earth Fare, which I loved and found some great deals on organics. This should be a good day. Organic things make me happy. As we were heading to Publix, Chris called and wanted us to meet him for lunch. So we had a quick lunch at Taco Bell. I head home to unload my Earth Fare goods and then headed straight to Publix. My children, mainly the one full of testosterone, were animals. Wild animals. My son thinks that when he is in a grocery store, he must behave as horribly as he possibly can and that stirs up the little one. One hour and one hundred dollars later, one very ill mother and two very naughty little children headed back home. The whole way home Harrison is asking for goldfish, pineapple, juice, milk, yogurt...basically everything that appealed to him in our grocery cart.
So we get home. I put the children inside and empty out the van. Literally every time I walk inside with bags, my son asks me for something to eat, despite several warnings that he needs to be quiet and play while I take care of groceries. So I get the perishables put away and nurse Kadie so she will take a nap since she is quite the crab herself. After getting her down I make Harrison a snack and put away some of the non-perishables. Now mind you, Kadie is not asleep but she is talking and singing and entertaining herself in her crib. I put some new batteries in H's leapster and hope to buy myself some time. Whew..ok some quiet time that I obviously so desperately need. I sit down and start reading and trying to relax. Within ten very short minutes Harrison starts his incessant talking and requesting of drinks, snacks, etc. I tell him it is in his best interest to go upstairs to his room. At this point Kadie is calling out for Mama and not sleeping. My fuse was short and I'm developing a headache. My options are a) crack open the bottle of wine on the counter, b) put an ad on Craigslist for my children, c) take a relaxing bubble bath. So I chose option C. Now granted I know 4:30 is not the best time to take a bubble bath but Kadie was safely in her bed and Harrison was in his room. I figure it is okay. So I'm soaking in my jasmine vanilla aromatherapy bath (which I never take I should add) and relaxing and trying to psych myself to be a better Mommy. Kadie starts screaming her head off. She obviously isn't taking a nap and is infuriated. About a minute later I hear....Mom...I'm ready to wipe. Seriously? So I get out, dry off, throw a robe on, wipe a butt, wash my hands and his and walk to a grouchy girl's room not knowing what to expect. And what do I find? A red faced, tear stained toddler with no pants or diaper on because she pooped and decided to take everything off herself. I should add this is not the first time this has happened. She takes matters into her own hands if you don't change her diaper quickly enough. Seriously... like I'm in the mood for poop clean up.
And there you have it. My day so far and it is 5:19. My only saving grace is that I'm meeting friends at Amigo's for dinner. Of course that should be interesting with my napless monster. Seeing how it is now 40 minutes away, I need to finish getting my kids and myself ready. My children are now giving me peace offerings to try to get on my good side. I have a baby doll, a felt pineapple and some other random toy on my lap. Hopefully I can post again tonight with something wonderful. Right now it just isn't happening.
So we get home. I put the children inside and empty out the van. Literally every time I walk inside with bags, my son asks me for something to eat, despite several warnings that he needs to be quiet and play while I take care of groceries. So I get the perishables put away and nurse Kadie so she will take a nap since she is quite the crab herself. After getting her down I make Harrison a snack and put away some of the non-perishables. Now mind you, Kadie is not asleep but she is talking and singing and entertaining herself in her crib. I put some new batteries in H's leapster and hope to buy myself some time. Whew..ok some quiet time that I obviously so desperately need. I sit down and start reading and trying to relax. Within ten very short minutes Harrison starts his incessant talking and requesting of drinks, snacks, etc. I tell him it is in his best interest to go upstairs to his room. At this point Kadie is calling out for Mama and not sleeping. My fuse was short and I'm developing a headache. My options are a) crack open the bottle of wine on the counter, b) put an ad on Craigslist for my children, c) take a relaxing bubble bath. So I chose option C. Now granted I know 4:30 is not the best time to take a bubble bath but Kadie was safely in her bed and Harrison was in his room. I figure it is okay. So I'm soaking in my jasmine vanilla aromatherapy bath (which I never take I should add) and relaxing and trying to psych myself to be a better Mommy. Kadie starts screaming her head off. She obviously isn't taking a nap and is infuriated. About a minute later I hear....Mom...I'm ready to wipe. Seriously? So I get out, dry off, throw a robe on, wipe a butt, wash my hands and his and walk to a grouchy girl's room not knowing what to expect. And what do I find? A red faced, tear stained toddler with no pants or diaper on because she pooped and decided to take everything off herself. I should add this is not the first time this has happened. She takes matters into her own hands if you don't change her diaper quickly enough. Seriously... like I'm in the mood for poop clean up.
And there you have it. My day so far and it is 5:19. My only saving grace is that I'm meeting friends at Amigo's for dinner. Of course that should be interesting with my napless monster. Seeing how it is now 40 minutes away, I need to finish getting my kids and myself ready. My children are now giving me peace offerings to try to get on my good side. I have a baby doll, a felt pineapple and some other random toy on my lap. Hopefully I can post again tonight with something wonderful. Right now it just isn't happening.
Quick random thoughts....
I think it is funny that Cameron Diaz is on Sesame Street.
I need to get a shower so my Monday does not end up being a waste. I got plenty of sleep last night but am struggling to get busy. I have many errands to run today. We need groceries! I'm hoping to have time to go to Earth Fare which has been open for a month and I still have not graced them with my presence. I know they must be very sad about that.
My blog layout is really ugly. I want it to look cool.
I have to tie dye tonight. Have to. I need to dye 2 things for 2 people. Possibly make some stuff for the congo which initially I said I was taking a month off. We. will. see.
Mr. Noodle is annoyingly creep. Mr. Noodle's brother, Mr. Noodle is equally so. Unfortunately my children do not agree.
I need to make some phone calls this week about school. I just discovered Harrison might be able to go to a different public school as a priority #2 student. I just want to thoroughly check all my options. I know it is only kindergarten and he won't be scarred for life but he is my son. It is my job to make sure he gets the best start possible. It is no different than my choice to breastfeed and feed him healthy. It all adds up in the big picture. Although I've embraced the idea of homeschooling him this year I'm still not opposed to sending him to a good public school. He is my son. He is a child of God. He is worth the research and the time it takes to make a well informed decision.
What does God want me to do for Him today? Time to go pray!
I need to get a shower so my Monday does not end up being a waste. I got plenty of sleep last night but am struggling to get busy. I have many errands to run today. We need groceries! I'm hoping to have time to go to Earth Fare which has been open for a month and I still have not graced them with my presence. I know they must be very sad about that.
My blog layout is really ugly. I want it to look cool.
I have to tie dye tonight. Have to. I need to dye 2 things for 2 people. Possibly make some stuff for the congo which initially I said I was taking a month off. We. will. see.
Mr. Noodle is annoyingly creep. Mr. Noodle's brother, Mr. Noodle is equally so. Unfortunately my children do not agree.
I need to make some phone calls this week about school. I just discovered Harrison might be able to go to a different public school as a priority #2 student. I just want to thoroughly check all my options. I know it is only kindergarten and he won't be scarred for life but he is my son. It is my job to make sure he gets the best start possible. It is no different than my choice to breastfeed and feed him healthy. It all adds up in the big picture. Although I've embraced the idea of homeschooling him this year I'm still not opposed to sending him to a good public school. He is my son. He is a child of God. He is worth the research and the time it takes to make a well informed decision.
What does God want me to do for Him today? Time to go pray!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
That weird unsettling feeling
I hate the weird unsettling feeling and I've had it since Saturday morning. I had it this summer and then my Daddy got sick and passed away. I had it before we sold our house in Highland Park to move back to my family's farm. I've had it at various times throughout my life and it doesn't always mean negative but it always means something big.
Right now it is a feeling of uneasiness and discontentment. I've been trying to sort out whether it is just still being depressed about the things of my life lately but I truly don't feel that is it. I think it has something to do with me and the changes I need to make.
I am really unhappy with who I am right now. I know that I can be more. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and children dearly and I'm happy with those choices. It is deeper than that. Perhaps God is about to do a number on me. My mind is swimming with thoughts right now but I can't seem to slow them down to write them. I'll be spending this week in prayer about this stupid unsettling feeling. I just hope it is for something good!
Right now it is a feeling of uneasiness and discontentment. I've been trying to sort out whether it is just still being depressed about the things of my life lately but I truly don't feel that is it. I think it has something to do with me and the changes I need to make.
I am really unhappy with who I am right now. I know that I can be more. Don't get me wrong. I love my husband and children dearly and I'm happy with those choices. It is deeper than that. Perhaps God is about to do a number on me. My mind is swimming with thoughts right now but I can't seem to slow them down to write them. I'll be spending this week in prayer about this stupid unsettling feeling. I just hope it is for something good!
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Accepting Applications
In efforts to reclaim our social life for 2010, Chris and I are accepting applications for friends. What in the world is she talking about you might ask? They have plenty of friends. And yes we have lots of friends but something we are lacking and have not consistently had throughout our marriage is that set of friends. You know the friends that you hang out with once a week, go on vacations together, keep each others kids, and the ones you can call in a moment's notice for anything. And I have several friends like that and Chris has several friends like that but we don't have a combined set like that. Heck, we'd even be okay with a group of friends like that. It became painfully obvious to us that when we had nowhere to go on New Year's Eve that we did not have those friends. Because after all, if we had those friends, we would have had plans on NYE. So here is our personal ad:
Married couple of nearly 9 years seeking close companionship of another couple - nothing weird - we aren't looking for those kind of friends :o). We are Christians, fun, friendly, hospitable, have 2 adorable children (ages 4.5 & 20 months), love to eat sushi (really love to eat in general), drink wine/beer, play board games and just hang out and talking/deep discussions. Husband loves Falcons football and wife tolerates it. We are well rounded and cool. Give us a chance :)
hehe....
Married couple of nearly 9 years seeking close companionship of another couple - nothing weird - we aren't looking for those kind of friends :o). We are Christians, fun, friendly, hospitable, have 2 adorable children (ages 4.5 & 20 months), love to eat sushi (really love to eat in general), drink wine/beer, play board games and just hang out and talking/deep discussions. Husband loves Falcons football and wife tolerates it. We are well rounded and cool. Give us a chance :)
hehe....
Thursday, January 07, 2010
10 years....
It is amazing the difference 10 years makes. Really. 10 years is a long time and anything can happen within a 10 year time frame.
10 years ago I was a 22 year old college senior. I was very newly dating Chris and not really sure where I wanted it to go. I was working as a cocktail waitress at a busy bar/restaurant and going out almost every night of the week. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I graduated. I had a terrible shopping habit and cursed like a sailor. I rolled my eyes when my parents tried to lecture me on where my life was going and probably saw them once a month. I would pray many nights as I was laying in my bed that God would be patient with me because I wasn't the person I knew He wanted me to be. I wasn't sure if I wanted children and I was pretty sure that I wanted to be successful and wealthy career woman. I had plans on getting my Masters and likely Ph.D. I wanted to move far away and live life to the fullest. I didn't care about debt and figured it was a part of life.
Here I sit today in our playroom. Watching my 4 year old son work a solar system puzzle and my daughter playing house and bringing me books to read. I am a full-time stay at home mom and drive a mini-van. I married the man I wasn't so sure about initially and have built a wonderful life. I love him more today than I ever imagined. We are desperately trying to reclaim some aspect of our social life and have found a church that we love. I'm not so sure about a Master's anymore but I would like to become a certified lactation consultant. We hate debt avoid using it at all costs. We want to build a home on a farm and live off of our land. We are not so much concerned with material wealth but building security and a happy fulfilled life. I talk to my mom daily and see her weekly and I'd do anything to have my dad back with us.
Some things are still the same. I still love beer. I still love wine. I still love to curl up and get lost in a good book or watch a crime drama. I still love to create things. I still love to act goofy with my husband. I still love to laugh. I still procrastinate.
So when I really think about how much we/I have changed and grown in 10 years it makes me realize how much we are capable of changing and growing in the next 10 years. I definitely have ideas of where I'd like to be in 10 years but I also had ideas 10 years ago that didn't turn out anything like I expected. More than anything, I've learned is that life is hard to plan and ideas and passions will change. The one thing that has remained true and steadfast is God. He has seen me through everything within these past 10 years. There have been times when I feel painfully far away from Him and times I feel blissfully close. My prayer is that I can continue to grow near to Him and trust that my next decade is in His hands.
I also think about my children and their futures. They are both very young and who knows if they will have any additional siblings. I pray that the next 10 years lead them closer to the Heavenly Father. I pray they know how much they are loved, appreciated, and treasured. I pray that Chris and I can parent them like God parents us. I pray their minds are filled with knowledge, hearts full of love and souls full of priceless memories and experiences that will last them a lifetime.
10 years ago I was a 22 year old college senior. I was very newly dating Chris and not really sure where I wanted it to go. I was working as a cocktail waitress at a busy bar/restaurant and going out almost every night of the week. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I graduated. I had a terrible shopping habit and cursed like a sailor. I rolled my eyes when my parents tried to lecture me on where my life was going and probably saw them once a month. I would pray many nights as I was laying in my bed that God would be patient with me because I wasn't the person I knew He wanted me to be. I wasn't sure if I wanted children and I was pretty sure that I wanted to be successful and wealthy career woman. I had plans on getting my Masters and likely Ph.D. I wanted to move far away and live life to the fullest. I didn't care about debt and figured it was a part of life.
Here I sit today in our playroom. Watching my 4 year old son work a solar system puzzle and my daughter playing house and bringing me books to read. I am a full-time stay at home mom and drive a mini-van. I married the man I wasn't so sure about initially and have built a wonderful life. I love him more today than I ever imagined. We are desperately trying to reclaim some aspect of our social life and have found a church that we love. I'm not so sure about a Master's anymore but I would like to become a certified lactation consultant. We hate debt avoid using it at all costs. We want to build a home on a farm and live off of our land. We are not so much concerned with material wealth but building security and a happy fulfilled life. I talk to my mom daily and see her weekly and I'd do anything to have my dad back with us.
Some things are still the same. I still love beer. I still love wine. I still love to curl up and get lost in a good book or watch a crime drama. I still love to create things. I still love to act goofy with my husband. I still love to laugh. I still procrastinate.
So when I really think about how much we/I have changed and grown in 10 years it makes me realize how much we are capable of changing and growing in the next 10 years. I definitely have ideas of where I'd like to be in 10 years but I also had ideas 10 years ago that didn't turn out anything like I expected. More than anything, I've learned is that life is hard to plan and ideas and passions will change. The one thing that has remained true and steadfast is God. He has seen me through everything within these past 10 years. There have been times when I feel painfully far away from Him and times I feel blissfully close. My prayer is that I can continue to grow near to Him and trust that my next decade is in His hands.
I also think about my children and their futures. They are both very young and who knows if they will have any additional siblings. I pray that the next 10 years lead them closer to the Heavenly Father. I pray they know how much they are loved, appreciated, and treasured. I pray that Chris and I can parent them like God parents us. I pray their minds are filled with knowledge, hearts full of love and souls full of priceless memories and experiences that will last them a lifetime.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Daddy's back and the kids are wild! And some other things.
Chris was gone for a mere day and a half and is back tonight. We are very glad to have him home. Our children acted as if they haven't seen him in weeks (and Monday night he kissed them goodbye). I'm glad they love their Daddy so much. The past 2 hours have been wild. They've been sword fighting, wrestling, singing and pretty much acting like like monkeys.They got used to having him home more again during Christmas break, so they missed him a lot while he was gone. Although, Harrison loved him being gone at bedtime because that means he got to sleep with Mommy. He told me last night that he thought Daddy might be gone for a few more nights so he could sleep with me. Glad to know he loves me too :)
I went to Etowah today with my mom and sister to some of these discount stores. I was reluctant to go because I usually don't find much I need. I am a freak about household products and personal hygience products and those type stores generally don't have what I use. I found some organic toothpaste...that expired in 2006...no thanks. I did find some eco-friendly baby shampoo and diaper rash ointment. I do buy the fun foaming kids soap because Harrison will actually wash his hands when I do - so I found some of that. And I found a refill for my Spray 'N Wash (some things just can't be green). I found a good deal on kleenex and Airborne. I suppose it was worth it but I probably won't go back anytime soon. I think once a year is good enough for me.
So I was on the phone with my sister this evening discussing something she left in my van and we somehow get on the topic of my future and homesteading, etc. As weird as it may seem, I've always been reluctant to build/buy our dream house because I have always felt like I'm supposed to be the one that moves into Mom and Dad's house because I'm really the only one that grew up in the house. As terrible as it seems, I don't want to live there. The house is huge. Five bedrooms, 3.5 baths, kitchen, dining room, living room, den, wet bar, foyer, laundry. That does not include the apartment in the basement. Really and truly the house is way bigger than I'd ever want to clean or maintain! I may change my mind years from now, but right now it is really not the house for us. Ok...getting to my point. So my fear is that if we don't take the house whenever the times (hopefully a really long time from now) who will? But my sister assured me that she and my other sister feel just as strongly about the house being used and maintained. We do have another sister and I'm sure she feels the same way. So I feel a huge burden lifted off of me. Now I have the freedom to build my dream house on their property. This totally changes everything including how homesteading fits into our life. My parents have a 100 acre farm. My Daddy loved that land and did everything in his power to keep it in his family so it is important to Chris and me to make sure it stays that way. This suddenly opens up doors that we didn't know were there.
Now I'm not sure where this puts us. My initial thoughts are that we stay in our current home for a couple more years and try to save money and work on small homesteading skills. We continue to work on projects that add value to this home and sell it when the time is right. At that point in time, we move in with my mom temporarily while building a our dream house/last house. Our goal would be to build it with little to no debt involved so we are okay with it being built in phases. We would finish phase 1 of the house (livable) and continue finishing it doing as much as possible ourselves. I know our ultimate dream is to live off the grid as much as possible. I know for a fact we could have well water because my parents house has it. We just have to figure out how to tackle the energy part of it. Maybe solar? I don't know. And the homesteading possibilities are endless. There is a ton of land for gardening, raising chickens, goats, alpacas, cattle, etc.
The coolest thing about all of this. I was praying just a few days ago that if we were supposed to embrace this homesteading lifestyle that God would show me some direction. I know I want to do it but does He want us to do it? It seems like clarity came quickly. I will continue to pray and plan but I must say, a huge relief has been taken off of Alicia Holbrook's shoulders!
I went to Etowah today with my mom and sister to some of these discount stores. I was reluctant to go because I usually don't find much I need. I am a freak about household products and personal hygience products and those type stores generally don't have what I use. I found some organic toothpaste...that expired in 2006...no thanks. I did find some eco-friendly baby shampoo and diaper rash ointment. I do buy the fun foaming kids soap because Harrison will actually wash his hands when I do - so I found some of that. And I found a refill for my Spray 'N Wash (some things just can't be green). I found a good deal on kleenex and Airborne. I suppose it was worth it but I probably won't go back anytime soon. I think once a year is good enough for me.
So I was on the phone with my sister this evening discussing something she left in my van and we somehow get on the topic of my future and homesteading, etc. As weird as it may seem, I've always been reluctant to build/buy our dream house because I have always felt like I'm supposed to be the one that moves into Mom and Dad's house because I'm really the only one that grew up in the house. As terrible as it seems, I don't want to live there. The house is huge. Five bedrooms, 3.5 baths, kitchen, dining room, living room, den, wet bar, foyer, laundry. That does not include the apartment in the basement. Really and truly the house is way bigger than I'd ever want to clean or maintain! I may change my mind years from now, but right now it is really not the house for us. Ok...getting to my point. So my fear is that if we don't take the house whenever the times (hopefully a really long time from now) who will? But my sister assured me that she and my other sister feel just as strongly about the house being used and maintained. We do have another sister and I'm sure she feels the same way. So I feel a huge burden lifted off of me. Now I have the freedom to build my dream house on their property. This totally changes everything including how homesteading fits into our life. My parents have a 100 acre farm. My Daddy loved that land and did everything in his power to keep it in his family so it is important to Chris and me to make sure it stays that way. This suddenly opens up doors that we didn't know were there.
Now I'm not sure where this puts us. My initial thoughts are that we stay in our current home for a couple more years and try to save money and work on small homesteading skills. We continue to work on projects that add value to this home and sell it when the time is right. At that point in time, we move in with my mom temporarily while building a our dream house/last house. Our goal would be to build it with little to no debt involved so we are okay with it being built in phases. We would finish phase 1 of the house (livable) and continue finishing it doing as much as possible ourselves. I know our ultimate dream is to live off the grid as much as possible. I know for a fact we could have well water because my parents house has it. We just have to figure out how to tackle the energy part of it. Maybe solar? I don't know. And the homesteading possibilities are endless. There is a ton of land for gardening, raising chickens, goats, alpacas, cattle, etc.
The coolest thing about all of this. I was praying just a few days ago that if we were supposed to embrace this homesteading lifestyle that God would show me some direction. I know I want to do it but does He want us to do it? It seems like clarity came quickly. I will continue to pray and plan but I must say, a huge relief has been taken off of Alicia Holbrook's shoulders!
Monday, January 04, 2010
Just another manic Monday....
Well sort of.
Back to the grind for me. Chris is back to working two jobs so it is back to long days for me. I've got my to do list made and I've scratched off a couple already. I'm dreading the weeks and weeks of long days but I know they are inevitable and it does make me appreciate my time with my whole family more.
Since we are only four days into the new year I've been really thinking about changes I want to make which I touched on in my previous blog. I really want this year to be the year I proudly look back on and say that was a very accomplished great year. I know the biggest factor is me and making sure I don't get lazy. I know that I thrive on structure and routine so I just have to keep myself at it. I am notorious for overshooting and setting too many unachievable goals so I'm trying to be more reasonable this year but I feel like the sky is the limit.
Two big things that I want to get accomplished this year...working out and taking my kids somewhere every week. Since becoming a SAHM I've become a homebody. Sure we go visit my mom and get groceries but that is all. And lets just say it is embarrassing at how long it has been since I've worked out consistently. We got two memberships for Christmas (Thanks Judi!) to the aquarium and the children's museum. So I figured between those two things and possibly getting a zoo membership and going to the mall playground, parks/playgrounds and the library, I will take my children somewhere at least once a week. I will, I will!
As far as the working out, for almost a year it just really wasn't in our budget - but we can fit it in now. And once it was doable, childcare was an issue. I just discovered the Rush has a special for 2010...20.10 per month with 14 free days and they have childcare. I sent an email inquiry for more information. As long as I'm not committing myself to some insane contract and the childcare is provided in the cost, I'm probably going that route. Ideally I'd like to go 4 times a week.
I'm looking into either The Little Gym or the CDC Playgym to give Kadie something to do while Harrison is in Mom's Day Out. Both have a Tuesday morning class which would work perfectly for our schedule. I am waiting to hear back on those. I get a free class at either place so I may try them both out.
My mind has been consumed with all things home schoolsince last week. After laying in bed thinking about it last night I think I might be picking too much for Kindergarten and I probably need to back down a bit. And I think if we go the church related school route, rather than registering with the LEA that I am not held to schooling him for 4 hours a day. Four hours a day is a lot for one child, especially at that age when it is one on one time. I can't imagine how on earth we'd fill up 4 hours without him becoming insanely bored. Not to mention the fact that I still have a toddler that needs attention. I know it can be done because mom's do it all the time. Our big thing is trying to keep him on track with TN standards because we aren't sure if we are committing to homeschooling for the entirety or just until he gets accepted into CSAS.
So I think that is all for now. Lots on my mind but I must start straightening up the playroom now!
Back to the grind for me. Chris is back to working two jobs so it is back to long days for me. I've got my to do list made and I've scratched off a couple already. I'm dreading the weeks and weeks of long days but I know they are inevitable and it does make me appreciate my time with my whole family more.
Since we are only four days into the new year I've been really thinking about changes I want to make which I touched on in my previous blog. I really want this year to be the year I proudly look back on and say that was a very accomplished great year. I know the biggest factor is me and making sure I don't get lazy. I know that I thrive on structure and routine so I just have to keep myself at it. I am notorious for overshooting and setting too many unachievable goals so I'm trying to be more reasonable this year but I feel like the sky is the limit.
Two big things that I want to get accomplished this year...working out and taking my kids somewhere every week. Since becoming a SAHM I've become a homebody. Sure we go visit my mom and get groceries but that is all. And lets just say it is embarrassing at how long it has been since I've worked out consistently. We got two memberships for Christmas (Thanks Judi!) to the aquarium and the children's museum. So I figured between those two things and possibly getting a zoo membership and going to the mall playground, parks/playgrounds and the library, I will take my children somewhere at least once a week. I will, I will!
As far as the working out, for almost a year it just really wasn't in our budget - but we can fit it in now. And once it was doable, childcare was an issue. I just discovered the Rush has a special for 2010...20.10 per month with 14 free days and they have childcare. I sent an email inquiry for more information. As long as I'm not committing myself to some insane contract and the childcare is provided in the cost, I'm probably going that route. Ideally I'd like to go 4 times a week.
I'm looking into either The Little Gym or the CDC Playgym to give Kadie something to do while Harrison is in Mom's Day Out. Both have a Tuesday morning class which would work perfectly for our schedule. I am waiting to hear back on those. I get a free class at either place so I may try them both out.
My mind has been consumed with all things home schoolsince last week. After laying in bed thinking about it last night I think I might be picking too much for Kindergarten and I probably need to back down a bit. And I think if we go the church related school route, rather than registering with the LEA that I am not held to schooling him for 4 hours a day. Four hours a day is a lot for one child, especially at that age when it is one on one time. I can't imagine how on earth we'd fill up 4 hours without him becoming insanely bored. Not to mention the fact that I still have a toddler that needs attention. I know it can be done because mom's do it all the time. Our big thing is trying to keep him on track with TN standards because we aren't sure if we are committing to homeschooling for the entirety or just until he gets accepted into CSAS.
So I think that is all for now. Lots on my mind but I must start straightening up the playroom now!
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