A post Lenten update

Well, as many of you know that I decided to give up yelling for Lent. I kind of thought I was crazy, but I really wanted to do it. I will say that the first week was the most difficult. I caught myself several times and slipped twice. After the first week passed, it definitely became easier.

It's about 2 weeks post Easter and have I started yelling again? Yes, I have yelled some. I can honestly say that the hardest week was the one immediately following Easter. I failed many times in that week. My trigger during that particular week seemed to be hormonal, which has always been one for me.

What have I done to eliminate/reduce yelling?

1. I stop and take a deep breath. It sounds silly, but sometimes just taking the time to breathe before you respond can totally change the way you respond to a situation.

2. I started eliminating stressors in my life. In my case, my stressors were directly related to be over committed. It hasn't happened overnight, but I'm prayerfully eliminating things.  Many of these things won't actually change until the next school year, but knowing change is around the corner has been helpful.

3. Making sure that I eat breakfast. I will admit that I am a horrible breakfast eater. I know that it is a terrible habit. I'm still not perfect on this one, but I know that low blood sugar and hunger are definite triggers for me. I'm also trying to add in a high protein snack during my mid day crash.

4. Trying to reduce my distractions AKA apple products. This is pretty hard because I try to keep my phone on me all day, so it is really easy to pick it up and start playing on Facebook or Instagram.  I love reading blogs and researching and having my iPhone at my fingertips makes it really easy to do just that. However, by not using it as much during the day, I don't snap at my children nearly as much.

5. Offer grace rather than anger. To myself. To others. Everyone deserves grace. Again, I'm nowhere near perfect, but it is a start. During that breath that I'm taking, I try to ask myself if I'm showing grace in my reaction.

6. Getting more sleep. Because I'm a night owl, I often stay up way too late. My burst of energy comes after dinner time. My kids aren't super early risers, but they usually wake up between 7:30-8:00 am. I'm making an effort to get in bed by 11:00pm and allow myself 8 hours of sleep.  When I'm awake until 2:00 am and waking 6 hours later, it catches up to me quickly. I can assure you that sleepyhead Alicia is grouchy and snarky. Also, the more I research, the more I think my sleep issues are hormonal...which brings me to my next point.

What else am I going to do?

I'm going to make some dietary changes. I had gone gluten free with my entire family last year and slowly started introducing it after about 6 months. I realize now that I really felt better when I wasn't consuming gluten. I'm also going to slowly cut out caffeine and sugar. This is going to be really difficult. I'm going to start in about two weeks, when I don't have as many early morning obligations. After doing some research, I think these three steps will help with my hormonal issues that cause so many mood swings for me. I have never officially been diagnosed with thyroid issues, but I have almost every single symptom of hypothyroidism and borderline TSH levels. I've been researching how to heal it with dietary changes and praying this will help the out of whack hormonal issues I deal with regularly. It also seems as if adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism go hand in hand. Honestly, even if these are not issues, changing my diet won't hurt me at all. I don't expect this to be an easy change or a quick fix. I'm more focused on long term healing with these dietary changes.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20
19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

So there you have it. God really blessed me during this Lenten season. I truly feel that ending my Lenten journey with the Walk to Emmaus was such fabulous timing. It really gave me an opportunity to re-focus and re-prioritize. For my friends who dove into this challenge with me, I'd love to hear your feedback. What was hard for you? What changes did you make?

Lent 2014

I've been prayerfully considering my Lenten journey for the past week or so. This year I have decided to give up yelling.

First of all, it is quite embarrassing to admit that I need to give up yelling. By stating it, I am admitting that I have a problem with yelling.

The problem goes much deeper than just yelling. Allow me to explain.

I haven't always been a a yeller. I'm willing to bet that many people don't realize that I yell as much as I do. It has definitely become worse in the past few years. For the most part, I'm a pretty laid back person. This thing. This really ugly thing has entered my life. A thing called stress. Now, don't get me wrong. There has always been stress in my life. My stressors have exponentially grown in the past several years. I generally yell because I feel stressed and out of control. Guess who gets the brunt of my yelling? My family- and probably 95% of that is at my children.

In order to give up yelling, I've had to really think about why I yell. Yelling is a reaction. It is a reaction that I have defaulted because of chaos. I don't handle chaos well. When my children do not obey me, I yell. When I do not feel like my family is listening to me, I yell at them. When too many little people are talking to me at the same time, I yell. When I'm stressed about bills, medical stuff,
or selling our house, or my crazily packed schedule with very little "me" time, I respond by yelling. When I am in sensory overload, I yell. I finally realized that it is likely all of this stress probably isn't going anywhere anytime soon. However, one thing can be changed and that is me. I can only be changed through God's grace.

I have always yelled a wee bit, but I feel that it has progressively gotten worse since homeschooling. I've been thinking about that quite a bit too. I have no doubt that God's plan is for us to homeschool our children right now and honestly for long term (it has taken me awhile to admit that). However, committing to homeschooling means that I am always with my children. Because they are with me mostly 24/7, they see the good, bad, and ugly. They see all of my character flaws. We are very exposed. In this current season of my life I am not able to have very much alone time. I am an introvert and thrive on alone time. As a working mom, I was in a cubicle all by myself. Even though I had co-workers and customers calling, I still had periods of silence. I would often eat lunch at my desk to be alone. I usually had 30-60 minutes in my car by myself as well. I also only had one child at the time and he played by himself quietly and incredibly well. (Please know that I am in no way say mom's who work outside the house have it easier. I am simply explaining how the solitude I got in my particular situation was beneficial to my personality. I realize that isn't the case with everyone working mom. This was just my situation.) While on maternity leave with a newborn Kadie and having three year old Harrison at home with me ever day, I began to lose a bit of this solitude. Kadie was a fussy baby and Harrison was an incredibly challenging three year old. However, we began to figure out a rhythm and things got better and easier. I found bits and peaces of solitude again. When Harrison started kindergarten, I also put Kadie in Mom's Day Out twice a week. I had about 8 hours of time to myself each week. I generally spent that time running errands or cleaning, but I didn't have any little people dictating conversation or being loud. Then Sam was born and things changed again. We ended up pulling Kadie out of Mom's Day Out due to a tighter budget, so I had two little ones with me all of the time again. Then we decided to homeschool. The entire year of 2012 was difficult. Summer of 2012 was a particularly difficult one, especially for our marriage -and then I went straight into homeschooling. It was basically one stressor after another. And I got into the habit of yelling as a reaction rather than taking time to respond. So here we are...this is the path that lead to my yelling.

So because I have decided to give up yelling, there are many layers to this goal which will continue to unfold. I will have to continue to identify triggers and be very aware. I will have to really seek God's peace and self control, when I would have normally reacted by yelling. I will have to allow myself time to respond in an appropriate manner and that may mean walking away from a situation to allow myself time to process a situation. It may mean I have to reduce stressors in my life. Side bar, but sort of related - we are currently studying the fruits of the Spirit in our morning Bible time. This ties in wonderfully with my goal of no yelling and is a wonderful for character building my children. Next week we start self-control. It is all tying in beautifully for no other reason than God's perfect timing.

I've tried to do this no yelling thing several times and I've honestly never been successful. I've never tried it for Lent. Here is why I think it is different this year.  I have a completely different mindset during Lent. I am more determined during the Lenten season. I also have been seeking joy this year and I feel like this is a huge piece of the puzzle. I want to be the old me. The me who didn't spaz out over ridiculous things. The happy little hippie that I truly am on the inside, but have let stress eat away at me. I anxious to see the transformed me in 6 weeks. I'm really excited about this, in case you can't tell!

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer deflects anger,

but harsh words make tempers flare.

Lent 2013

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Last year it was very clear that God wanted me to give up worrying for my Lenten journey and I did just that. Now, I’m not perfect and I still worry some, but I have definitely learned how to nip it in the bud and how to allow myself to feel God’s peace. I’ve really been seeking what God wants to instill in me during this Lenten season and I just can’t narrow it down and we are almost one week into it. I really want to be a more self disciplined person and I want to find joy in daily life no matter what the circumstances, but I can’t really think of something to give up.

Then it hits me. Hits me straight in the face (as I’m typing this actually). God wants me to rely on Him. Give Him myself. Give up my stubborn streak and my independence. Let God take the lead. I mean, I pray about my decisions and I do seek His guidance, but there is so much that I try to handle myself before I take it to Him. Sort of like I’m an inconvenience to Him and I need to try to handle it myself before I bother Him with it. God is perfect and He isn’t inconvenienced by me asking for help or advice. He has given me a book to use to seek those truths. He has given me a way to communicate with Him.

So there you have it. My Lenten journey will be comprised of God teaching me to sit on the sidelines. I’m going to truly seek His guidance in all. I’m going to try to focus on scriptures I know and learn new ones to help me when I need to know which way to turn. I’m going to utilize more often that open line I have to Him all day.

Here I am God. You are in control. You’ve got this. I place my full trust in You.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart;

Do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek His will in all you do,

And He will show you which path to take.

Peace

I'm guest blogging again for my pastor. This topic deals with my Lent journey of finding peace, and you can read the post over here.

Spring Cleaning

So, I started some pretty hard core spring cleaning today. Much needed. I decided to work in my laundry room, which I hoped to finish, but I still have another hour or two of work left. Honestly, I don't think I did any major spring cleaning last year, probably because I was still getting used to life with three children. It takes me quite awhile to adjust to a new child. Anyway, I'm always amazed at how much stuff I accumulate in a year's time. I'm pretty motivated to finish the whole house and I think next week is low-key, so I really hope to knock out most of it next week.

During my immersion in my cleaning, I had some time with my thoughts because Sam was napping and Kadie was playing quietly. I really started thinking of how Lent has been spring cleaning for my soul. This is really the first year I've been really dedicated to my Lent journey. I didn't grow up in the Methodist church, so Lent is a pretty new concept for me. Even though we've been at our current church for five years (wow), I still really didn't understand Lent until this year.

I've always loved spring but this year combined with my worrying less and having more peace journey and our seemingly record high temps (at least in my book), I am so happy. Happiness is not always something that comes easily for me. I have a hard time letting go of my worries and troubles, and therefore don't always allow myself to experience my joy. That is the problem. I've always let myself be the determining factor in whether or not I experience joy. Quite frankly it is downright stupid. I've had to let go of a lot lately and I'm pretty sure that is why I've really experienced the joy. 

My prayer is that everyone can really let God give your soul a good spring cleaning. Confess your sins, pray, and live your life. I will end on some pictures and quotes that I enjoy.

Gonna be all right

I am doing a 40 day devotional for Lent. I probably won’t blog every single day, but writing is a major way I express myself, so I imagine I will definitely be blogging often about my Lent journey. It often is how I hear what God is trying to tell me. And many times when I start writing with one idea in mind, I end up somewhere completely different. I don’t really think that is a coincidence.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

Psalm 34:8

He is good. The only way we can taste His goodness is to draw near. We are to take refuge in Him. He is our place of safety. Our shelter.

I can remember as a young girl, I would hide in my daddy’s arms.  If I felt scared, I could hide in his giant & strong arms. I felt so safe. Nothing could harm me if I was in the refuge of my dad’s arms. I felt so protected from the world around me. Even as a grown woman, there was nothing comparable to a big bear hug from my dad.  I still felt safe as a grown woman. What a feeling of peace.

Drawing so near to God, that you feel enveloped in His arms. That truly is a feeling of peace. I want that. I want that every day. And I can have it. So can you.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

It is really awesome to think about how God actually desires for us to have peace within our hearts. I’m not going to lie. I deal with anxiety. I have a very hard time falling to sleep at night because my mind takes off and I start worrying about everything. I know that I shouldn’t worry. I know what the Bible says about worrying.  Yet, I still worry. But something about reading that passage about peace tonight really hit home with me. It is like all of the years I’ve read what the Bible has to say about not worrying and having peace has finally sunk into my incredibly stubborn skull.  I think one of my sinful behaviors I need to give up for Lent, is worrying.

And I will end with some of my favorite song lyrics from Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” because my strange brain often thinks in song lyrics 90% of the time.

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Because ultimately with the refuge of God’s arms and the peace of Christ in our hearts, every little thing is gonna be all right. And that is pretty freakin’ awesome.