Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My children are blessings

I came across this blog post a few weeks ago by one of the mommy bloggers I loosely follow. Her topic was about biblical views on birth control and why she didn't use it. I personally do not and have not taken hormonal birth control since 2004. The point isn't really about my views or why I don't use hormonal birth control, but basically I agree with the blogger. I'm pretty hard core pro life and I'll leave it at that.

The thing that stood out most to me in her post was this idea below:

"Discussions about contraception and reproduction must also take into account the biblical blessing of offspring. Children are to be cherished as good gifts from a gracious God. Problems arise whenever this truth is forgotten or neglected. Some fail to embrace the goodness of the gift of children, instead viewing them as inconvenient. Others fail to remember that children are undeserved blessings that we are not entitled to. Neither disposition of the heart is healthy or right. Where children are neglected, disregarded, abused, idolized or demanded, God’s intention is compromised. As sons and daughters of a good and generous Father, we are called to possess humble and glad hearts that embrace the gifts that He has given and trust Him with those He has not."

It really seems we are in a society where the blessing part of children is overlooked. I'll be honest and admit that raising babies can be inconvenient.  I've even been resentful at times. Sleep deprivation and stretchmarks can do that to a woman. When people find out that you are pregnant with any child past a #2, they question you. Why would you want more than 2 kids? Did you do it on purpose? Don't you know how that happens? Anyone with more than 2 children probably knows those comments well. They are actually hurtful and unnecessary. I'm also certain that families who foster and/or adopt large families probably get the same hurtful comments.

Another way that this post got me thinking. My children are blessings and they are my mission field. At one time in my life, I thought I had a calling to life in Africa or the Amazon and do mission work. Who knows...maybe that is still in my future? Or maybe I'm raising a missionary? Often I feel like I'm just a mom and my job isn't really important. Now granted, my children have free will and will make their own choices - good and bad; but all of these little things add up to give them a life experience. It kind of makes it seem like a much more important role. Because it is. I know that every woman is not able to stay at home with her children and I also know that not every woman wants to. I know it was one of my deepest desires and we were able to make it happen with a lot of sacrifices. Even if you work outside the home, what you do with your children is just as important. God has just really put this in my heart. Those three little blessings that call me mommy are my mission field. My words matter. My actions matter. What we spend our time doing each day matters. They aren't going to have a perfect childhood, but I want them to know beyond anything that I love them with all of my heart. I'm so thankful God gave me those three beautiful babies.

I want to be the parent God intended for me to be. I'm challenging my parent friends to do the same. 

Proverbs 22:6
6 Direct your children onto the right path,
and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Proverbs 29:17
17Discipline your children, and they will give you peace of mind
and will make your heart glad.
Psalms 127: 3-5
3Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
4Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
5How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!
He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates.
Psalms 139: 13-16
13You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
John 16:21
21It will be like a woman suffering the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives way to joy because she has brought a new baby into the world.  
James 1:17
7Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

How I came alive



I have a confession.

I’ve never really loved myself that much. Seriously. I’ve struggled my entire life with low self-esteem. Growing up I never felt pretty enough or skinny enough or smart enough or talented enough. As an adult, I’ve sort of become more comfortable in my own skin, but I still really don’t love what I see everyday. I focus on my bad traits. I have a potty mouth. I have crazy hair. I’m always struggling with my weight. I have mood swings and a fiery temper. I’m stubborn. I’m not successful enough. I’m not patient enough. I’m still not talented enough. I’m not wife enough or mom enough. I’m just never enough. Living a life believing you aren’t enough gets depressing.

About a year ago, I felt a pretty clear calling that I needed to homeschool my kids. I felt pretty confident in this decision. Or did I? Wait, did I make the right choice? I’m really not good at it. Nothing works for more than a week at a time. I can’t run errands without children anymore. I have no time for just me. My house stays even messier than usual. I just can’t seem to figure out the balance. My kids would be better off in public school. I’m just not enough. I’m not what they need.

I have a child who is difficult. Awesome, but difficult. I never get it right with him. I’m not enough for him.

I was literally broken yesterday. I wanted a new life.

I went to a Women’s conference at my church yesterday. I had pretty much talked myself out of going. Chris had to run sound and our kids were staying with grandparents. I could just stay at home by myself. I love being alone. I needed to be alone. Then our worship leader posted on Facebook that he needed someone to work the band table to sell t-shirts and CD’s. I decided I’d work the table. Knowing good and well that meant I had to go to this conference. I even thought about sitting in the tech booth with my husband and not really listening. I kept feeling that nudge to go in the worship center. So I did.

Our speaker encouraged us that God would never let us fall off the rollercoaster and He was our seatbelt. She asked us what we were clinging to and encouraged us that God is always fighting for us. She told us it was okay to come alive in the chaos of life. I left feeling good and refreshed.

We went out with some friends for a late dinner afterwards and had lots of fun. We stayed out after midnight and I had to wake up the early the next morning. I would have stayed in bed if I didn’t have to work the band table. I felt I got what I needed from the conference on Friday night.

Boy was I wrong.

Our speaker said God gave her a new message for today. A message on healing. I didn’t need healing. I’m saved. I know God loves. Or wait….do I need healing? We need let God heal our wounds from the inside before we bandage them. How many times do we stick a bandage on our wounds and go on? I’d say more often than not. We had an open invitation to the alter and I practically ran. I prayed and wept and prayed and wept. I received healing and felt the presence of God in the most powerful way. In fact, when I sat back in my seat next to my sweet friend, all I could say was, “wow.”

Guess what?

I have been believing lies from the enemy for way too long.

I’m done.

God said it is finished.  I believe Him.

I am enough.

I am enough because God created me to be me. He delights in me. He made me fearfully and wonderfully and wants to see me prosper. He loved me so much that He gave me salvation through His son. I am enough through Christ.

I can be a homeschooling mom. I can be a mom to a special needs child. I can use the talents I do have to glorify God. I can accept my body. I can be the wife my husband needs and the mom my kids need. I am a work in progress and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

I’m going to screw up every day. Every day. But that’s okay. It doesn’t define me. It doesn’t define me because God isn’t finished with me.  He is making me new.

I came alive today.




All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us