Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Our slacker elves
Last year I finally succumbed to the elf. I hate the elf. The kids named him Jack. This year I even decided to add another elf – a girl elf. They named her Lisa. I hate the elves. I think they are creepy. They remind me of clowns and I really hate clowns. Our elves are really boring. Our elves generally forget to move into a different location until I’m lying in bed. As I’m drifting off to sleep, I remember the elves. Don’t get me wrong. I think that the “elf over achiever” moms are great. I aspired to be one last year. I even have a whole board on Pinterest dedicated to elf ideas. Last year, I was still fairly sleep deprived as Sam was still not consistently sleeping at night. I told myself that I had an elf out. This year was going to be better. I was going to be an elf over achiever. I even considered making an elf calendar. Alas, Christmas 2012 is here and I have one thing to say about it.
I’m sorry, but if I wanted powdered sugar, toilet paper, or toys strewn about my house, I would turn Sam loose for 5 minutes while I hide in the bathroom with a bottle of wine. I have a two year old tornado that makes plenty of messes by himself. I certainly don’t need my elves making a mess. So, I’ve had a pep talk with my elves. They are NOT allowed to do any thing that adds to my daily cleaning. We did have one exception of the mustaches drawn on family photos with a dry erase marker. I can deal with that. Food messes – no. Toilet paper – no. I’m too cheap for that. My kids poop way too much to waste TP.
I have accepted that we have boring elves, and I’m okay with that. If the kids go to bed early and easily, our elves are slightly more creative than usual. I’ve decided to keep the bar low. I mean, if my elves go repelling across our living room with all of the other action figures, my kids will expect way more the next day, right? So far, our children have been perfectly delighted to find our elves hiding in the tree, bathroom blinds (creepers), sharpening pencils, or playing with toys. Jack even brought M&M's this year. I can't take credit for that. I found that on Pinterest. I think my elves are going to fold laundry or wash dishes tonight. Maybe it will inspire my kids?
*Disclaimer * This blog post is in no way meant to make fun of families who have “over achieving” elves. I admire those families. I enjoy seeing your pictures on facebook, pinterest, and instagram. This blog post was written to help the slacker elf families feel okay and know that you are not alone. Because like you, I probably forgot to move the elf.