Enjoying His presence in the present journey

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I can’t even begin to express how much I needed this devotional that I’m doing for Lent. Day 3 hit home with me.

Here is a quote I’d like to share. 

“You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering how you’re going to scale those heights. Meanwhile, because you’re not looking where you’re going, you stumble on the easy path where I am leading you now. As I help you get back on your feet, you tell Me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead. But you don’t know what will happen today, much less tomorrow. Our path may take an abrupt turn, leading you away from those mountains. There may be an easier way up the mountains than is visible from this distance. If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb. I will even give My angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways.”

40 Days with Jesus – Celebrating His Presence by Sarah Young

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

I know that. I have known that as long as I can remember, but it much easier to quote the verse than to live it. If I truly walk with my faith in God, then I don’t really need to worry. And the Bible tells me many times that I shouldn’t worry.

After reading that excerpt from the book, I realize that my worries about things in the far and distant future and keeping me from leading a full and joyful life.

Now most of my blog readers know that our oldest son was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. That brings a whole myriad of new worries for me. It literally consumes my thoughts. I’m reading about it constantly. We are starting different types of therapy, and then we deal with it every day in our life.  I know that it is still pretty new, but I really don’t know that I’ve completely given it to God. There is so much unknown and I have a really hard time of letting go of the unknown. And the thing is, God will do a much better job than I will – so I’m not even really sure why I worry. My worry doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t help God. It doesn’t help me. It doesn’t help my family. Why don’t I just let it go? And I certainly will not be able to figure out the unknown. So, I just need to walk by faith. God has got this. He really does.

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9

The above verse changes my perspective on absolutely everything.  So short, yet so profound.

Gracious Father,

Keep my heart open to your guidance. Take my stubbornness out of the way. Remove me and my desires from the equation and lead me where You want me.  Fill my heart with peace so that I don’t worry and so that I can completely trust You. I know you want to prosper me.  My inheritance is not of this world. Help me to remember that every day of my life.  

In your Son’s precious name. Amen.

Gonna be all right

I am doing a 40 day devotional for Lent. I probably won’t blog every single day, but writing is a major way I express myself, so I imagine I will definitely be blogging often about my Lent journey. It often is how I hear what God is trying to tell me. And many times when I start writing with one idea in mind, I end up somewhere completely different. I don’t really think that is a coincidence.

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

Psalm 34:8

He is good. The only way we can taste His goodness is to draw near. We are to take refuge in Him. He is our place of safety. Our shelter.

I can remember as a young girl, I would hide in my daddy’s arms.  If I felt scared, I could hide in his giant & strong arms. I felt so safe. Nothing could harm me if I was in the refuge of my dad’s arms. I felt so protected from the world around me. Even as a grown woman, there was nothing comparable to a big bear hug from my dad.  I still felt safe as a grown woman. What a feeling of peace.

Drawing so near to God, that you feel enveloped in His arms. That truly is a feeling of peace. I want that. I want that every day. And I can have it. So can you.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

It is really awesome to think about how God actually desires for us to have peace within our hearts. I’m not going to lie. I deal with anxiety. I have a very hard time falling to sleep at night because my mind takes off and I start worrying about everything. I know that I shouldn’t worry. I know what the Bible says about worrying.  Yet, I still worry. But something about reading that passage about peace tonight really hit home with me. It is like all of the years I’ve read what the Bible has to say about not worrying and having peace has finally sunk into my incredibly stubborn skull.  I think one of my sinful behaviors I need to give up for Lent, is worrying.

And I will end with some of my favorite song lyrics from Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” because my strange brain often thinks in song lyrics 90% of the time.

"Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

Because ultimately with the refuge of God’s arms and the peace of Christ in our hearts, every little thing is gonna be all right. And that is pretty freakin’ awesome.

People & giving thanks

I probably don’t thank God enough. In fact, I know I don’t. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have salvation. I have a husband. I have 3 amazing children. I have a warm house and a car to drive. I have more than enough food to eat and clean water to drink. I feel so incredibly blessed. I have an incredible family -both by DNA and marriage. I have amazing friends (and some of them I’ve not even met in real life). I have a fabulous church.

Tonight, I am really thankful for special people that God has placed in my life. I look back at all the years I’ve been alive and I can definitely see how God carefully places people in my life at just the right time. I’ve lost touch with many, but they will always have a special place in my heart. I think God placed certain people in my life for certain seasons of my life. Then, there are the people that I know will always be there. My husband, obviously :) Some family. Some friends. But I know they will be a part of my life until I leave this world.  These are the people that know me. The real me – and still love me anyway.

I’m even thankful for the bad people. The people that make me want to be a better person, so that I’m not like them; and the people who bring out the worst in me. Because of these people, I can see the habits and characteristics that I don’t want to possess and change them.  And because of  darkness of these people, I can truly recognize goodness and light.

Man, as I ponder the intricateness of relationships with people and how they affect our lives, it is simply amazing.  Growing up, there were certain friend’s parents that deeply impacted me. I had some great church leaders and volunteers, teachers, and bosses.  Some of them were like a second mother. Others were always encouraging. Some were there to keep me laughing. And I’m so grateful for the people that God placed in my life as an adult, who led me back to my spiritual roots after many years astray. I’m also thankful for the people who have taught me about the things of which I am now passionate – mostly natural parenting things – like breastfeeding, vaccine education, etc.

My earnest prayer is that I will be open and receptive to these special people – always. I pray that I can be used in this way too. I don’t want to miss any opportunity that God has for me. I pray that my children will learn from these people – good and bad - and become better because of them.  I treasure the friendships and bonds and I know that they are truly a gift from the Creator of all things.

Sam Chop Choppity Bop

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There’s this little boy in my home. He has big blue eyes, mischievous grin, and the cutest belly laugh possible. He is actually a very chill little dude; however, he gets into everything. Everything. He steals drinks and snacks from unsuspecting family members. He is a lover of all things toilet. He loves toilet brushes, toilet paper, plungers and best of all – toilet water. He has radar for when someone leaves the bathroom door ajar and he is in there faster than a vulture is on a dead possum. His second love is the dishwasher.  This is another thing to which he has finely tuned radar. He can be 3 rooms away and hear the dishwasher. He is on it. Emptying it as fast as he can. Squealing in delight as he runs away with a colander. Stealing spatulas and bowls for his toddler band. He simply can’t resist. 

He isn’t much on sleeping at night. In fact, he is kind of a party animal. God help me when he is in college.  His all night partying combined with his love of lemons – this is probably not a good thing. Haha. He pretty much moves from the minute he wakes until you lay him down. I’ve never seen a child move this much. Ever. He loves to dance and has a pretty discerning musical taste - if you ask me. He talks a lot, but no one knows what he is saying. He loves balls. Actually, anything round that resembles a ball. And to be honest, it doesn’t even have to be round.  He loves to launch objects that vaguely resemble balls. 

I’ve always heard people say that you love your children differently. You don’t love one child more than another, but you love them differently, indeed. 

Sam brings so much happiness to my day. I’m pretty moody. It is certainly one of my downfalls. And not many people can get me out of my moods. But I simply cannot be grumpy around this little boy. I can’t look at him for longer than a minute without smiling or singing some ridiculous song made up especially for him. Even when he is rolled up in toilet paper like a zombie and licking the bottom of the toilet plunger and using my potato masher as a sword, I just can’t help smiling.  He just makes me happy. I just want to whisk him up in my arms, cover his chubby cheeks in kisses, chew on his squishy thighs and twirl around the room while singing and dancing with him. And I do. Every day.

He is the stinkiest little stinker I’ve ever met and I’m so thankful he is mine. 

Being a Husband and my stay at home Wife

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 Back nearly 7 years ago, when we started this blog, it was our family blog and we both posted. We posted pretty infrequently and when posting was done, it was done by me. So by default, it became my blog. My husband had some words from his heart that he wanted to share and asked that I post it on "my" blog.  And if anyone reading it, wants to talk to him about the subject, he welcomes it! So, I welcome my first guest blogger, Chris Holbrook :)

I will always remember the conversation. It was a shock, I disagreed, promised to pray about it, didn’t…but God had a plan.

Just after Harrison was born, we moved back into Alicia’s parent’s house because of the debt we had accrued. So, we were living virtually rent free, I had a company car, so no gas expenses, free childcare, no utilities, and we were in debt up to our eyeballs. Dual income and no expenses along with the help of Alicia’s parents, we were able to knock the debt out quickly. Then we get pregnant.

We were in the living room and Alicia turns to me and say’s, “Chris, I want to stay home with the babies.” I look at her and react as the loving nurturing husband I was at the time, “umm, I don’t see how that can happen”. We discuss her needing to be home with the kids, and how ever since Harrison was born her heart was at home. I heard her, I listened… truly I did; but I had seen the numbers, I knew what my income was. I knew what our debt was. It just didn’t add up.

We ended the conversation that night on completely different sides of the fence. Her heart needed to be home. My reasoning didn’t see a way it could happen. I agreed to at least consider it, and pray asking for guidance. Now, just a quick side note, at the time, my prayer life was virtually non-existent, and when I said I would pray about it, it was my way to say, “Ok, I hear you, but I don’t agree, and I really need you off my back about this”. Sensitive, I know. It’s cool though, God didn’t need me to pray, He had a plan.

Alicia continued to pray and seek opportunities to allow her to make the change. I continued to avoid the subject and continue to see no hope of this ever happening. Still, still had a plan.

Months went by, bills were paid off, and I began to see some hope to this. Trusting Alicia would go back to work if times got tough, I had found the financial stability I needed to agree. This whole staying home thing was a good idea, I mean, I  was starting to enjoy the idea of coming home to my family rather than running around picking everyone up and having fast food on the drive home. However, something inside of me still didn’t warm up to the idea because I was afraid it would fail.

Then Kadie was born, Alicia had plenty of maternity leave, so weeks passed before we had to actually say we were doing this. I finally DID pray, and felt as peace about the whole situation, something I had yet to have since the conversation was brought up. She called Unum, resigned, and we began our lives as a single income family.

Now, I’m not going to go into every detail of what has happened over the course of the last four years to make it all happen because it’s not that important. Just know, we now have our own house, we have a second car, we eat well; and most importantly we are happy. All without Alicia having a full time job. Yes, we still have financial difficulties, but not anything we can’t handle. Yes, we work our tails off, but it’s worth it and I spend way more time with my family now than I did before.

Alicia is able to stay with the children, teach them, play with them, be with them. They have their mommy with them all day, and that makes everyone happy. Although I’m not home during the day, I feel more a part of everyone’s lives than I ever did because I’m just a phone call away. Everything is great.

Then 2012, Harrison is diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. The testing came after constant problems at home, and looking back, also problems at school. We start seeing little “quirks” in his behavior and noticing how traditional schooling might not be the best fit for him. We start looking at options, and through a ton of prayer, have decided to home school him starting this summer. Once again God has a plan.

Had we not decided for Alicia to stay home years ago when we could afford it, there is NO way we could or would make the jump now. God’s timing had us making that decision years ago when we felt it was a good move. He knew Harrison, He made him perfectly, and He gave that awesome little boy to us to be his parents. God knew we would want the best for him, and through prayer, we realize right now, homeschooling is what is best for him.

As I look back, I see my screw-ups, my lacks, my weakness, and through it all, I see His strength, His perfect timing, and His Glory shining through our story. Praise be to God!