A follow up to my previous post

First of all, I feel the need to publicly thank every single one of you who has reached out to me since my last blog post. I am simply overwhelmed at all of the kind and encouraging words. It feels absolutely wonderful knowing that so many people are praying for us. Let me also say, I was away at my mom's today and haven't had a chance to return any phone calls.

I will be really honest. I did not want to make my post public. I wanted to journal my thoughts to help me process things and leave it at that. I can't explain it in any other way - the Holy Spirit nudged me to post it publicly. I really struggled with it. I wanted to go back and edit it. My fear was that people would really see how weak I truly am. My other fear was that people would think I was just having a big ol' pity party for myself.

Let me expound on those 2 fears a bit. I know that I am weak and I know that I am nothing without Christ. But lately, I feel absolutely beaten down and it is hard to share that with the world (the world being my blog viewers). It isn't that I try to put on a front, but I just don't think the world really needs to know how helpless and weak I really feel. As far as the pity party - my post wasn't to try to make people say..."Oh, those poor Holbrooks. They are just pitiful." My reason for posting was to give others a glimpse of Aspergers, and so that everyone knows specifically how they can pray for us. We are both just feeling worn down and in desperate need of prayers and encouragement.

As far as providing a glimpse of Aspergers - I feel very led to raise awareness. Shows like the "Big Bang Theory" and "Parenthood" have definitely introduced it into more homes. Chances are, many of us know an Aspie. They are cool people. They look just like the rest of us. You can't really tell a thing is different by looking at them. But there is a lot that goes on that people don't realize. I think as a mom to an Aspie, my son deserves to have his mom be an advocate for helping the world understand him and his Aspie peers just a little better.

But let me give credit where ALL credit is due. Since my blog post, I've been flooded with calls, texts, facebook messages, and comments of support.  So basically, a blog post that I didn't even want to share and wrestled with all day, has done several things. It has our village of prayer warriors praying for us. I have received personal stories from people that have touched me deeply. People who are going through similar things. People who are struggling, but not necessarily in the same areas. People have taken the time in their busy days to reach out to us, and that means so much. People whom I've never physically met and may not ever be able to meet are reaching out and telling me that I've inspired them or helped them through a troubling time. That my friends is God. I took a chance and let the Holy Spirit lead me to post it, and nothing but goodness has come from it. It is amazing how God reveals Himself to us in so many ways. If my posting a personal blog about my struggles puts God in one person's life, it was absolutely worth it. My biggest prayer and most sincere wish is that God will use my struggles and my life to glorify Him. To minister to others. I mean, if we can't use the crappy stuff in our life to make something beautiful, then what is the point? I'm so incredibly humbled that my journey has done that for others. If you see any strength, any beauty, or anything inspiring coming from me or my family, it is God. Nothing but God. God is beauty. God is grace. God is strength. God is love. God is peace.

My heart is filled with love. I'm overwhelmed with peace. I can't thank you enough for showing support. It means more than you will ever know.