Just over a month ago, I wrote this post declaring how I was going to wear shorts and a bathing suit this summer. I feel like it is time to update my homies, as we are well into summer.
I am excited to report that I've lost count how many times that I've worn shorts and a bathing suit this summer!
Now, let me just say that it hasn't been easy. I often find myself catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror and not loving what I see, but I immediately stop myself and focus on what I do like love.
Since I've made my incredibly freeing declaration, I've been swimming, played in the river, gone on some fun little day trips with my family, visited my sister and her family in Memphis, and a girl's trip with a good friend. All of those have included me wearing shorts and/or a bathing suit. And guess what? I had fun. Lots of fun. I've had one of the best summers that I've had in a long time. With minimal worrying about my thighs or other squishy places, I might add!
Guess what else I'm in love with? Adorable cotton sundresses. And guess what? They are not all maxis. Don't get me wrong. I still love my maxi dresses and skirts. I mean, what hides unshaven legs better than a maxi dress? But I'm super in love with knee length sundresses. Sleeveless at that! I'm getting so brave, I might even order a fatkini. If you aren't familiar with a fatkini, I suggest you do so...like now.
http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/07/10-reasons-i-love-my-fatkini/
What I have come to realize during my journey of self acceptance, is that throughout the years, my body sort of hovers around my current weight/size (within 15 pound and 1 size either way). So I decided that I'm going to love myself at my current size because I deserve to be loved. Some days are easier than others. It is a process and I'm getting there.
I pray that my daughter doesn't remember a mom who is always yo-yo dieting and losing/gaining ridiculous amounts of weight. I hope that she remembers a confident mom who taught her to have fun, love people, and to dance even if you shake more than everyone else. I hope she will remember swimming, playing in the river, riding bikes, hiking, and making crafts. I hope she will remember how we twirl in our pretty dresses and both have matching black maxi skirts.
I also pray that my sons will be impacted positively as well. I hope that they do not choose a lady based on the size of her hips, but the size of her heart. I hope that if they fall in love with a plus size lady, they are not ashamed. But most of all, I pray that they won't even think twice about falling in love with someone outside of the normal beauty standards.
Beauty isn't a one size fits all sort of thing.
So, if you are still struggling with this whole body acceptance thing, I encourage you to look in the mirror and make a list of all of your awesome qualities. Then find some body positive bloggers to follow. I've started following a few new blogs and instagram accounts. It has opened up a whole new world of looking adorable as a fat girl. Those girls own it and look amazing and I'm pretty sure we can too!
~Peace out, homies. Remember, it's okay to love your back fat and belly rolls.
This is hard for me to write, but I definitely fee like many of my precious friends can relate to me. And honestly God has been dealing with me on this subject since last year and I'm finally coming full circle to embrace the big picture.
Do you know that I haven't worn shorts in public for several years?I live in Tennessee for crying out loud! It is hotter than two goats in a pepper patch. Because of my utter disdain for my legs, I almost always wear capri pants.
Why?
Because I am ashamed of my body. Years and years of hating my body. Hating what I see every day when I look in the mirror. Focusing on my lumpy thighs and big butt. You name it. I probably hate it.
Friends, this is no way to live. I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I even had lap band surgery to aid in weight loss when I was 29 years old. I lost almost 100 lbs and have kept off 65 lbs of it. Last year when I had the knee drama, I gained around 15 lbs and have been unable to lose it. Now that my knee has rehabilitated finally, I feel that my weight will slowly go back down.
As many of you know, I've been on a journey to get healthier by taking baby steps and this has been going on for nearly 18 months. I screw up and still make bad choices, but I've come a long way from where I was many years ago. Unfortunately, it isn't making me thinner and for once, I'm finally okay with that.
One thing that became abundantly clear to me, is that when I was unable to do much because of knee pain - I was miserable. I was unable to be active and quite frankly it sucked. I was sitting on the sidelines of my life.
By nature, I'm not an athletic person. I do not like to play sports. If I have a choice between crocheting or playing volleyball, you better believe that I will be hooking it up (with yarn) in here. But I do enjoy being active in things that I enjoy. I like being able to hike, ride bikes, swim, garden, and go on walks. I really, really missed being able to do all of those things when my knee was being ridiculous.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Since spring sprung, we've had some fun family outings with hiking and camping. I'm so thankful that I've been an active participant. During all of this, I've made an important decision.
I'm going to wear shorts and a bathing suit this summer.
I'm going to enjoy life. I'm going to enjoy life in this body that I was given. This wonderful body has carried me around for 37 years. It has grown 3 amazing babies and nourished them for over 5 years. I've earned every stretch mark on my belly for growing babies. I have loose skin on my tummy because I lost a bunch of weight and became healthier. I am not going to let lumpy thighs and a big butt keep me from living my life.
I'm going to set an example for my daughter that real beauty is not defined by the size of my tummy or a wrinkle free face. Women are beautiful because we love. We are beautiful because we experience pain. We are beautiful because we laugh and we cry. We are beautiful because we can grow humans and nourish them. We are beautiful when we survive tragic things and become stronger because of them. We are beautiful when we create. Women are beautiful when we live life. Women are beautiful when we are thankful for the blessings that God has given us.
Right here. Right now. I'm claiming that my body may not be perfect, but it serves is purpose quite well; and I'm going to enjoy my life and more specifically, my summer as a beautiful woman. Not because of outer beauty, but because I'm living my life and that makes me beautiful.
"I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls." - Audrey Hepburn
If you would like to join me, I ask that you share this post and hashtag any of your IG/Twitter pictures with #TrueBeautyIsLivingLife
Let's be beautiful, happy, living life to the fullest women together!
Peace out, beautiful ladies.
