I was in such a dark place.
I was drowning in a sea of sadness.
My life felt so empty, so meaningless.
I found out about you and I cried.
How on earth could you fit into our lives?
Seriously, this had to be a joke.
Then I accepted you. Embraced you.
I savored the kicks and hiccups.
I imagined things would be different.
I thought your entrance would be healing, but alas I was wrong.
I will never forget we thought we lost you. You scared the shit of out me.
How could someone I never knew I wanted be taken away from me?
But then you came and you were perfect.
Tiny and perfect.
And my happiness was still far away.
Your presence brought joy to my life, but I still had so much healing to do.
Then as the days passed, I allowed myself to become enamored of you.
It all makes sense now.
God gave me you.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know your purpose is much greater.
But God gave me you.
He gave me you so that I could genuinely smile again.
You have taught me that it is acceptable to love despite having experienced such loss.
You were a tiny vessel sent to restore our family's joy.
And the healing commenced.
Your name means "God has heard".
And yes, He heard.
He heard my heart. He knew I needed you.
You are my ray of sunshine.
I love you Samuel. I love you.
4 comments:
Oh Alicia...I have tears in my eyes. I remember all that you went through with your dad and what an empty hole that left in your heart. I love you my friend. I'm always here if you need a shoulder to cry on (just realize that I WILL cry with you), an ear to listen when you are overwhelmed with the memory of it all and I'm here to laugh with you as you recall all the joys you shared with your dad. Big, big hugs my friend. Love you much. <3
Wow, that is beautiful and powerful.
Oh, Alicia, I am crying now, what a beautiful wonderful gift Sam has been for our family, while we still grieve for our father, Sam brings so much love and peace and a part of Dad, it breaks my heart with tears and at the same moment my heart runneth over with my love for Sam.
God bless that little fella, and thank you Father God for you impeccable timing!! You are awesome.
thank you for all of the sweet words!
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