It's been a year...

First of all, blogging and working full time don't really mix for me. My blogging days are few and far between. It has been a year since our year was rocked completely. I celebrated my one year anniversary at my employer this week. I cannot even believe it has been that long. It has been the longest year ever, but somehow managed to fly by. I spent my first fall break away from my family. They all stayed around the house, while we had foundation work done on the house and I worked everyday. I spent my first Christmas break away from my family. I had a few days off, but not quite the chunk of time they had. I did most of my Christmas shopping online on Black Friday and ordered sporadic things here and there. We managed to decorate the tree and wedge it in our tiny living room and put up some of the favorite decorations.  We scrambled when kids were sick, trying to figure out which parent had the least amount of things to do at work that day. Sometimes we had to call in my mom for back up. During all of this, we alternated weekly doctor appointments for nearly 3 months, which ultimately ended up in a child being diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I've pretty much become a slacker in the kitchen. Gone are the days of my hours in the kitchen cooking yummy things from scratch. Usually I'm scrambling to make something quick and easy, while helping with homework and making sure showers are taken. We have some days where we don't set foot into our house until it is time for bed. When you have 2 parents who are working full-time and then some, with 3 kids involved in one activity each, you have to get really creative with your time. There are days I literally crash into bed while still wearing my clothes and I don't wake up until the next morning. 

This year has been really hard. It has been especially hard on me because I have always been there for my family. I have had to learn that I cannot do it all and I have to depend on other people. I've learned it is okay to tell people no. It is okay to put things on the back burner. It is okay if I have pay for people to deliver my groceries or clean my house, because I simply cannot do it all.  It has mostly been survival for me because there are just not enough hours in the day to accomplish what I need to do. That's been a hard pill to swallow. I can't stay up late anymore trying to finish up on what needs to be done for the next because my new wake up time is 5:30, and if I do not get at least 6 or 7 hours of sleep, I cannot function the next day. 

My children have not only survived, but they have flourished. They made new friends, tried new sports, stayed on the honor roll, and gained more confidence. They have all adjusted so well. They do miss mommy, but we are used to it and for now it is our normal.

I always said that I didn't know if I'd homeschool forever. I took it year by year. I can honestly say that I miss it so much. I miss that time with my children, and if you are blessed enough to be able to homeschool your children, treasure those days. They are rough and they often ended with many of us in tears, but I will never regret pouring that time into my children. It was a gift for which I'm thankful and I pray I have the opportunity to do it again one day. 

But here are the things I didn't expect.... I didn't expect to be in better shape physically than I have in years. The scales really don't budge and I'm still a fatty, but I'm a strong fatty. I have exercised consistently for about 8 months. By consistently, I mean 3-5 days a week and doing cardio and strength training. I have made dear friends at work. I have alone time again. We are taking our children to Disney World for fall break! Something that never would have happened before. Then I decide things aren't crazy enough, so I become a LuLaRoe Consultant. I'm super excited to see where that journey takes me. Right now it is fun and I'm obsessed with the clothing. 

It is hard to say where we will be one year from now. We may be doing the exact same things we are doing now. Maybe I'll be working in LuLaRoe full-time and homeschooling my kids again. Maybe I'll be working on my masters. Or maybe we'll get a wild hair and move across the country.  Heck, maybe we will become nomads and live in our camper while traveling. All I know is that I didn't foresee myself here where we are - but yet we are here anyway. If I've learned one thing in my life, it is to not really make plans and to go with the flow and ultimately to trust God's plan and His timing. I also know that my family will never stop chasing our dreams, especially our God sized dreams. 

Peace out homies. 

It's a Wondeful Life?

I’m sitting here watching It’s a Wonderful Life. The main guy’s life just falls apart. He is just completely overwhelmed and feels like the world would be better off with out him. I’m just sitting here thinking, I get it dude. I get it.

Sometimes I look around and I get completely overwhelmed. There is so much I need to do. Such much I want to do. Such much I thought I would do. So much I can’t do. It’s disheartening.

I can’t seem to keep my house clean for more than a few days. There so are many things I want to make, but I just don’t have the time. I’m constantly questioning my path in life. Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing? There are so many people I want to help, but it’s just too much.

There are many days I try so hard to do all of these things and yet when I lay down at night, I still fail. I feel like I am running in a race that I will never win. When it gets get too bad, I just quit. I quit trying.

I need a miracle. We all need a miracle. Even if you have it all together, you need a miracle. Because eventually life will drag you down. Life can be so cold and hard. Sometimes we feel like what we do will never matter.

When my emotions start into that downward spiral, I remind myself that even though life may not always be wonderful, there are so many wonderful things in life. If you know me well, you know that my faith is important to me. My life wouldn’t have much purpose, if I didn’t have my faith. I’ve abandoned my faith in the past, but ultimately I know that sweet baby Jesus, was sent here for me. He redeemed me and through Him I have found true grace. I don’t deserve it. I didn’t earn it, but I have it.

And then there are people. Those people in your life that get you through. The ones in your family. The ones who you’ve made family. You know, your people. They remind you that even when things are hard, you aren’t alone.  You make memories with these people. They become the people that are on the pages of your life story. They help you write the story.

It’s definitely true, that life may not be wonderful, but so many things are truly good and wonderful in life. Having a special someone. A hug from your child. A warm smile from a stranger. A compliment from a friend. A good song that stirs your soul. Cuddling with a pet. Reading a good book. A hot bath. Making someone else smile. Laughing until you almost pee on yourself. Your favorite drink. A good night’s sleep. Your favorite pants/shirt being clean and ready to wear. Netflix binges. Being creative. The smell of a new baby’s head. Having a friend who is just as weird as you. I could keep rambling on, but you get the point.

Tonight when I go to bed with tons of laundry, a messy house, a bag of unfinished crochet projects, and still questioning if I'm on the right path,  I’m going to think about all of these good things. I pray you can find your wonderful things and keep on trucking, friends.

~Peace out homies

Ode to the mamas

It's been on my mind a lot lately. The mommy wars thing. Specifically the working mom vs. stay at home mom topic. In my short month back at work, I've heard a whole gamut of comments. I truly don't understand why it has to be this way. I mean does it truly matter what another family is doing? Especially since most families are just trying to do the best they can for their own family. I never in a million years imagined myself as a stay at home mom. Yet the moment I held my baby boy, I knew that is what my heart desired. We weren't able to make that happen until he was three years old and we had a baby girl. The thought of being separated from my baby all day long and trying to breastfeed her while working was unbearable. But there are moms who do it all of the time. I did it with Harrison. I was already staying at home when Sam was born, so it wasn't a choice I had to make. It didn't make sense for me to try to go back to work after his birth. Then we were homeschooling for a bit. Honestly, I felt comfortable in that role and I felt that is where I'd be forever. I imagine there are many women who find themselves in this situation. Moms who have no choice to go back to work because they find themselves newly single, whether it be because they are divorced or widowed. Moms who are supporting the family while a spouse deals with a job loss, a career change, health issues, or perhaps going to school for a period of time. Maybe they are moms like me. Moms who could keep staying at home, but knowing that the goals for the entire family will be better reached when mom is contributing more financially. Or maybe it is a mom who knew she'd be going back to work as soon as her youngest reached a certain age. There are also plenty of moms who never desire to leave a fulfilling career and that is totally fine also. Just as there are moms who stay at home with their children for the whole shebang....and that is also great.

Bottom line is that is really doesn't freaking matter. I don't love my family any more or any less than I did when I wasn't working full-time. I love them the same. I will do whatever I have to do to make sure our family is happy and healthy. I'm doing my best. Just like I was doing my best when I woke up every day to teach my children at home. Just like I did my best when I spent my days playing with toddler and a baby. Just like I did my best working with one child who was in daycare. I didn't make any of these choices to try to make another mother feel badly about herself. I made them for my family. Why do women feel judged? Why do we feel we have to justify ourselves if we do something differently than someone else? 

Here are some examples of the comments women have to endure. 

The Homeschooling Mom might hear:
Oh, I could never teach my children. They drive me crazy. We butt heads. More power to you. I'm glad to send my kids to school. I enjoy them way more when I'm not with them all day.

The Mom Who Sends Her Kid to School might hear: 
Oh, I could never send my kids away for 8 hours every day. I enjoy being with my kids and I want to know exactly what they are learning and exposed to at school. I only have them for 18 years and I want to savor it. 

The Working Mom might hear: 
I don't know how you do it. I could never send my baby to daycare. I would miss them too much and I would be afraid they'd stay sick all the time. I don't want someone else experiencing all of their firsts.

The Stay-at-Home Mom might hear: 
I would get so bored staying at home. There's no way I'd be able to sit at home all day. I need adult interaction. I need to feel like I'm contributing to my family. 

Some of these comments are true, but I feel like women say them in such a way to try to belittle another mom's choice. 

Why can't we just say.....

Oh, that's great! I'd love to hear how that works for your family. How can I best offer you support? 

If you've been there and done that, you can totally empathize with another mom. If you've never been in her shoes, you could just ask her what her day is like. It doesn't have to be a comparison. It isn't a comparison.

I can honestly say that I've been on both sides of the spectrum now. It's all hard. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Raising humans is hard work. I think we all go to bed at night wondering how badly we are f@#king them up? How many years of therapy they will need to survive adulthood? And thankful that God will fill in the gaps where we truly and utterly suck at life. 

Ladies, we have to love and support each other. This isn't a competition. It isn't a race. We are all trying to raise decent humans who make a difference in this world. It is much harder to do that if we all aren't on the same team. Let's work together and raise awesome humans with the support of one another. #teamMom #TheWorldNeedsAllKindsOfMoms
#SisterhoodOfMamas

~Peace out homies.

Changes all around

I haven't written or updated in a long time, so here goes.

Looking back over a year ago when I started thinking about going to work part-time, I can see that we were being prepared for what is now our reality. My family transitioned really well to my working part-time. Chris and I worked opposite schedules and that really was awful. I don't know how any of my friends do that for extended periods. We knew that our opposite shift thing couldn't work forever and that we were growing tired of that arrangement. After the spring, when we had some foundation work estimated for our house, we realized that we had to figure out something. The repairs needed on our home to get it ready for the market were just too many. Even though we had made great progress with our debt snowball and had built up a little bit of savings, it was just too much. We looked at some financing options, but they just didn't work for us. I threw it out there, working full-time that is, but Chris immediately dismissed it. Now rewind to last fall. There was a full-time job that I was very interested in, but sadly I wasn't considered for it. When we thought it might have been an option, we had already considered how that would impact school for our kids and all of those other things. But needless to say, it didn't work, so we went back to what we were doing. So, I kept throwing it out there to get Chris used to the idea. Then I contacted one of my friends where I used to work to find out if they were hiring anytime soon. She contacted another friend to see what was open, and that friend told me that I needed to apply immediately for my old job. So I didn't have much time to think about it. I filled out the application online and worked on my resume, which needed tons of work and updating. I heard back pretty soon and was asked to do a phone interview. I finished my phone interview right before we went on our big summer vacation. During our vacation I had to do complete some more things to be considered for the job. As soon as we got back from our vacation, we registered our children for school at Daisy. Thankfully, because Chris teaches at SDHS, our kids were eligible to go to Daisy without a hardship. Just a few days later we went for our annual 4th of July trip to visit my sister outside of Memphis. I heard back from while we were gone that I was getting a second interview. I had my second interview as soon as we got back from visiting my sister. Then the waiting game started and I started processing what had all happened so quickly. I found out about a week or so later that I had be re-hired. I forgot to mention that we moved back into our old house during all of this.

So just in case that was muddled....here are all of the changes.

1. I am leaving my part-time evening job and going back to working full-time during the day.
2. We are no longer home-schooling. Our kids are all going to be in school all day long.
3. We moved back into our old house, so we could renovate it over the next year.

I' m a delayed processor so all of this really didn't hit me until early August. Of course, I started to freak out questioning whether or not we made the right decision. Then I had some very dear friends remind me of how absolutely perfectly everything fell into place. And not to be a negative Nelly, but rarely does anything fall into place like this for us. So we definitely feel we are on the right path.

We started the process of moving back into our house on July 17th. It took a couple of weeks though. Chris started back to school on August 6th, which was also my last day at GCC. Sam also started daycare that same day. The older two kids started school on August 13th. My job started on August 17th. We also found out on August 14th, that Sam was accepted into Pre-K at Daisy. He had a couple of phase-in days and then started full-time on August 28th. It was good move for him because he was the oldest by 2 years in daycare, so now he is with more kids his own age. He doesn't love it, but he also doesn't hate it. 

So  I sit here after my first month following all of these changes.  I'm exhausted right now. I'm still processing all of these changes. We are all actually really tired. I can also see that we are going to need to revamp our after-school/extracurricular activities. This is all still very new and we are all still transitioning. We are definitely used to having more freedom and flexibility in our schedule.

Here's the good stuff.
1. All of the children have made friends and they did so very quickly. The older kids both have some "best friends."
2. Chris is nearby the kids at school. He has a student walking them over there each morning and he picks them up in the afternoons.
4. I am alone in my van every day. People, this hasn't happened regularly in over 7 years. I can listen to whatever music I want. I can ride in complete silence. I can listen to Harry Potter audio books without interruption. It's pretty amazing.
5. I am around adults again. I'm enjoying getting to know my new coworkers and making new friends. 
6. I have a full-time income again!
7. We will start renovating this house very soon. Our foundation repair starts the first week of October and then everything else will follow suit.

Here's where we need prayers.
1. Harrison is doing well in school, but time at home is rough because he holds it together at school all day. Therefore, he unleashes the beast on us.
2. Time management in general.
3. Sam adjusting to Pre-K.
4. Some upcoming medical things for Kadie, which I will post about at a later time.
5. Chris transitioning to being with our children a whole lot more.
6. Time to do all of the renovating. Our goal is to have this house ready for the market by late spring/early summer.
7. For me not to feel guilt about going back to work and accepting this was a good move for our family.

Today, Sam missed school because he was sick. In the past, other than illness being inconvenient and hard on our kids, it wasn't a huge deal. It always fell on me and that was okay. I'm still in training and I can't take off time, so Chris had to stay with him and take him to the doctor. That was really hard for me today. I've always been the primary caregiver, so this is a definite change in gears. It was difficult. Really difficult. 

I'm also very thankful. I'm thankful that the older children LOVE school. I'm thankful that everything at my job is coming back super quickly. I'm thankful for the love and support we have received during all of these transitions. I'm thankful for the peacefulness that I feel knowing that everything is going to be alright. 

In other news, we saw the Avett Brothers this past weekend and they were AMAZING. Seeing them perform never gets old. They played a new song for us and I cannot wait to hear the rest. Fall is approaching and I'm super excited about the fun fall weather things to do. 

Well that is all. Until next time. 

~Peace out homies.

Not giving up...

I've learned some pretty neat things over this past 18 weeks of finding joy in my daily life. I realized in this journey that part of why I don't always feel gleeful is because I feel so terribly all of the time. I can't really pinpoint when this  happened, but it has been getting progressively worse over the past several years. I know the summer I turned 36, I felt like my health went down hill. I lost my will to do much of anything. I thought it was because of the knee pain I was experiencing. Then my knee surgery didn't really help me feel normal. I've been asking my OB/GYN to test my thyroid for several years and they always test the TSH and tell me I'm normal and send me on my way. I have known that something is not right. I literally have every symptom of hypothyroidism (no energy/stamina, low body temperature, always cold, depression, hair falling out, dry skin, gasping for air, brain fog, weight gain, inability to lose weight...the list goes on). It isn't normal to feel like an old lady at my age. This past winter, my health continued to decline. I had days where I could not even get out of bed. Seriously, I'm not quite 38. I have 3 young children. I homeschool. I can't have days like that. It really isn't okay. So I went to a different MD and told them about my joint pain, stiffness, inability to live a normal life. They ran some blood tests and told me my vitamin D was low. He put me on an antidepressant and told me that I was stiff and had joint pain because I was depressed and gaining weight. He blew off the fact that I've gained a ridiculous amount of weight over the past few years despite eating mostly healthy and not large quantities. I demanded more bloodwork. They ran more tests and discovered that I had a positive ANA, which could mean I have an autoimmune disorder. I have been referred to a specialist to see what is going on with that. Meanwhile, I continued to search because  I still knew there was more to it. A friend recommended a NP to me and I saw her in early April. She ran a very comprehensive blood panel. A week later I was in for the results. She confirmed that my vitamin D was low. She also discovered that my hormones are completely out of whack, which I've suspected for years because of my mood swings and crazy menstrual cycles. She discovered I have the MTHFR  (C677T/ A1298C) gene mutation and that I have issues with my thyroid that a TSH test will not find. So the very  next day I started using bioidentical hormone creams, taking a natural dessicated thyroid supplement, and started taking methylfolate because people with the MTHFR gene mutation cannot handle folic acid. Honestly, the information on MTHFR gene mutations is a little overwhelming and I'm just starting to comprehend it. I'm 32 days into all of these supplements and I feel better than I have in years. Sadly, I still don't feel great all of the time, but I have faith that I will continue to progress because we have finally identified why I was feeling terribly. I know that it won't happen overnight and that there are many pieces to this puzzle. I will follow up with her again this month for bloodwork and we can adjust whatever needs to be adjusted.

This leads me to my next point. I have been wanting to start running again for years. Between a bum knee, a broken foot, crazy menstrual cycles, pain, and quite frankly just feeling like crap, I haven't started. Over this past month, I have more good days than bad. I can count on one hand how many days I've had horrible joint pain. So now's the time. I started my journey to running again. I'm using the Couch to 5 K because that is what works for me. This morning was slow and sweaty. It was hard, but I did it. It is a 3 day a week program. I haven't decided what I will do on my off days, but I'm definitely shooting for 5 days a week of something. I do not actually care if I lose weight. I just want to run. It's always been a dream of mine. I have started this journey several times and this time I want to do it for good. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me (hopefully some cool 5Ks). If you are a runner friend, please encourage me. I actually do not like running with people because I am a loner when I exercise, but I definitely respond to words of affirmation. This is a 12 week program, so by the beginning of August, I will hopefully be able to run a 5 K and not at a snail's pace.

I'm not giving up. I'm determined to feel healthy again and hopefully I'm closer than I've been in a long time.

The Gleeful Journey

"Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord." - Psalm 89:15

I'm 12 weeks into my journey of being gleeful. If nothing else, this journey has taught me that I must continually be seeking the good things and the blessings because they aren't always obvious. When you seek and count your blessings, it causes you to have a thankful heart. When you are thankful and worshipping God, it is pretty hard not to have joy. To be happy. To be gleeful. 

Life isn't always good. In fact, sometimes life is very difficult. And sometimes our season of life makes us question whether there is anything good at all. But there is always something good. There is always something to be thankful for. God always has a reason for giving us one more day. Sometimes our hard days help form our ministry, so that we can help another person. Sometimes our hard days make us cause us to look at the great days and worship God.

Here are some things I've noticed about my joy in this 3 month process. 
- My family brings me more joy than I could have possibly imagined. 
- The sunlight has a huge impact on my mood. I'm definitely not a cold weather kind of girl. Sunny days make my soul happy. 
- Focusing on my blessings, whether small or large has really helped me see how good God truly is. 

Here are some of the things that I've praised God for in the past 3 months. 
-My children's health, my mom being okay after a bad fall, music, youth retreats, quiet times with God, creating things, coffee dates, restful nights, good school days,  snow days, long days at home with family, hard working hubby, baby chicks, baby showers, friend's spiritual retreat, and beautiful spring days. 

I pray that those of you following along in this journey with me are feeling the positive impact of recording our gleeful moments. If you aren't, please join the Facebook group and join us in sharing throughout the week on the things that bring us glee. We'd love the company! 

Friends, we are happy when we take these things that make us gleeful and hear them as the joyful call to worship our Creator.  We will walk in the light of His presence.  I encourage you to take time out of your busy lives and figure out what makes you gleeful. 

~Peace out, homies. 
#BeGleeful

Being Gleeful - the first real week

It's been 9 days since I wrote my first post in the #BeGleeful series. Let just tell you. It has been harder than I thought it would be. I published my post on Saturday January 3rd. That evening my daughter got sick. She started throwing up late that night. She seemed mostly fine on Sunday, but we had to miss church and that always makes me sad. Then Monday, she puked multiple times an hour all day long. We had to get her meds so that she could stop puking and get rest. Poor thing had bloodshot eyes from barfing so much. That lasted through Wednesday. We had planned on starting our homeschool week back on Wednesday, so needless to say that didn't happen. 

So Thursday we are in the clear, right? Nope. Not at all. My mom fell down the stairs and it was super scary. Thankfully, she is okay. Just some bruises. It could have been really bad.

Friday I overslept and didn't take Sam to preschool. For those of you who don't know, Sam is a little cling-on with me. He pretty much has to be touching me in some way. It is really hard to school the big ones with him being like that, so we send him to preschool 3 days a week. It really helps. 

I work part-time 3 days a week. Work was insane. 

I suffered from my night time anxiety issues which kept me up all night almost every night  this past week and therefore felt like a zombie. 

But guess what? I'm going to #BeGleeful that my daughter is back to her normal self and feeling healthy again. I'm super thankful that she never got dehydrated.  My mom could have been badly injured, but she wasn't. God was there. No doubt about it. Oversleeping helped me catch up on rest Friday morning. Work won't be nearly as insane this week. I'm praying the anxiety won't be an issue this week 

Here's what I'm clinging to this week. 

1 Thessalonians 5: 16 

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. 

Romans 12: 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 

Psalms 46: 1 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. 

Romans 8: 31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 

Zephaniah 3:17 (one of my favorites)

For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in your with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. 

Psalms 29: 11 The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace. 

Psalms: 13: 5 But I trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. 

I'm pretty sure God is telling me to be in constant communion with Him. It will keep me joyful and help me be thankful for all things. If I'm having a hard time, I should be patient and keep on praying. No matter how tough things are, He's going to be right there with me. He is always for there for me. He calms me and loves to see me when I'm happy. He give me strength and peace. He has rescued me. I'm pretty sure I have many things to be gleeful about.

I've been trying to capture some of the gleeful moments of my week. Here ya go! 

 

My first ever granny square. I'm making an afghan this year. It's a little wonky looking, but I still need to block it.

A stashbuster/scrappy afghan I'm also making.

My sweet little girl with her new glasses.

Be Gleeful

glee·ful

ˈɡlēfəl/

adjective

adjective: gleeful

exuberantly or triumphantly joyful.

"she gave a gleeful chuckle"

synonyms: delighted, pleased, joyful, happy, glad, overjoyed, elated, euphoric, amused, mirthful, merry, exuberant, jubilant

A dear friend and I were hanging out on New Year's Day and she showed me pictures of a person she knew who was truly living life to the fullest. We started looking at these albums of photos of this person who was truly gleeful. She is traveling the world and spending time with her loved one. I immediately exclaim to Chris that I want to be those people when we get old. 

I thought about it a lot. Why do I need to wait to be old to be that person? I mean, sure I may not be able to travel the world just yet, but I sure as heck can be gleeful in my every day life.

I'm not even gonna lie to you. I don't really know how to be that person. But I'm gonna try. I want you to try with me. I'm giving you a challenge. I've tried a few of these challenges before, but I don't always follow through, or I don't get enough people to participate. But I really want you guys to do this with me. I want to do this.

So start out by asking, what makes me gleeful? What makes you gleeful? Traveling? Crafting? Reading? Your child's laugh? Running? Music? Accomplishing goals? Oh, there's so much. Really. If we take the time to think about all of the things we do or see on a weekly basis, I bet we can actually find way more than one thing.

I'm not going to ask you to do this daily.  I'm going to be realistic. Life happens and sometimes it is too hard to keep up daily challenges. I'd like to do a 52 week challenge of being gleeful. I've tried several of the popular challenges and I don't last very long. Mainly because I cannot commit to daily challenges. But here's another thing. Not every day is a happy day. I'm a firm believer that in order to experience the euphoria of the good things, we have to experience pain and sorrow from the bad things. The good things just don't mean as much without the darkness to remind us of just how wonderful they truly are.

Will you join me? I've created a Facebook group for this community. Here's the nifty little button that will take you there. In this group you can share about the things that make you gleeful and have the support of others to help you find the silver lining.

I've obviously had a bit of a head start on this challenge. We took an impromptu trip to Gatlinburg yesterday. It's kind of our thing. We had a great time, even though about a million and one things that happened prior to, or on the way, that could have kept us from doing so. We got a super late start and then had some puke to slow us down. Chris wanted to fish and the poor guy probably only got to fish for 30 minutes. It was cold and rainy, but he had fun. We grabbed a quick dinner at Five Guys and walked the strip a bit. We checked out the huge outdoor store (NOC) for the first time and we had a blast in there. We walked on that skinny little swinging bridge and crawled around in a kid sized cave. We decided to drive to Pigeon Forge to let the kids do something fun. We went to Magi Quest at nearly 10 pm and stayed until 11:30. It was so much fun! The kids have raved all day about what a great time we had. They were a little trollish today, because heaven forbid should they actually sleep late after staying up way past bed time. But oh well, it was a great day. It was a great start for the #BeGleeful challenge. 

Crawling around in a kid sized cave in NOC Gatlinburg

Ober Tramway - proof I was there with my family

Ober Tramway model of the Swiss Alps

In awe of the Space Needle while sipping cheap-o hot chocolate

We made it quite a merry little Friday because starting Monday, our life returns to the normal. The normal for us lately is busy and not much fun. But I'm certainly going to do everything in my power to change that. So my peeps, are you with me? Are you ready to #BeGleeful? 

~Peace out my homies. I've left you with a Jimmy Needham song that I can't listen to without smiling and being happy. Enjoy!

A New Year Full of Awesome Things

I absolutely love a new year. A new year holds so much promise. I get another year older, another year wiser, and married a little bit longer to my main man. My children continue to grow and discover the world around them and it is just all a really awesome thing. As do many, I love to organize things and declutter my life as well as work on priorities. Just like most others, I probably don't keep a lot of these new habits, but I'm a dreamer. That's just the life of a dreamer like myself. I love to dream of new possibilities and what might be. I love to think of better ways to do things and how I can make myself become a better version of me. I would love to be more of a doer. Hmmmm....maybe that should be a goal for 2015. But I have digressed.....

I was studying my last devotion of the year and one of the scriptures to read was Romans 15:13.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 

Then I read in another devotion, John 14: 26-28 It is Jesus speaking. The words gave me chills. I'm pretty sure I've read this passage often, but for some reason it really hit me.

"But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative - that is, the Holy Spirit - he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And that peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."

So these two passages stayed in my heart over the course of the day. We have a gift. A very important gift. We have peace of mind and heart. It is a kind of peace that nothing else in the world can give. Sometimes my anxiety is over the top, but then I read this. He gives ME peace. A peace that is different. Our God of Hope fills us with JOY and PEACE as we trust HIM. We can OVERFLOW with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit. Did you read that? It said overflow. Overflow with hope. Wow.

I don't know about you, but those promises are comforting. So as we go into our new year filled with new adventures, new life, new jobs, moving,  possibilities,  major life changes, or whatever it may be for you - remember, He's got this. HE has GOT this. He has you. He gives you peace. Be brave. Take risks. You might fail. In fact, you probably will fail at some things. It is okay. I promise. You'll keep going. You'll make it. Do some hard stuff. Do some fun stuff. Do some silly stuff. Allow yourself to love and experience joy like never before. He doesn't promise a perfect life, but he promises us something that the world cannot offer - a peace like no other - and I'm clinging to that promise. 

~ Peace out homies. May your 2015 be peaceful, full of hope, lots of joy, and rockin' all at the same time. 

Christmas is a BIG deal!

Merry Christmas Eve! I sit here blogging in my bed and rather feeling sorry for myself. I'm sick at Christmas time. My throat and neck are in a ridiculous amount of pain. I relented and saw the doctor this morning because I did not want to spend Christmas day in bed. The last time I remember being sick at Christmas was when I had the flu as a teenager, and that was pretty crappy too. 

As I sit and think about all of the things I should be doing and all of my favorite traditions I'm missing, I am reminded that Christmas really isn't about any of it those things. Christmas happens whether or not I make it to the Christmas Eve service at church. It happens whether or not I get to drive around and enjoy lights, while listening to Christmas music and sipping my peppermint latte. It happens regardless of how many gifts I have purchased and lovingly (or hastily) wrapped. 

Christmas happened a really long time ago because our God wanted to relate to us. He sent Himself in the form of a baby, the most vulnerable life form possible, so that He could experience human life and relate to us. That is HUGE. He understands life. He gets it. He knows what it is like to grow up, to be tired, to be hungry, to work, to feel betrayal, to be tempted, and so much more. Christmas happened because God loved us so much, He gave us Jesus. He gave US Jesus. Christmas happened a really long time and it continues to happen every year, because we celebrate our Savior. The Savior the world waited for after so many, many years of thinking God was seemingly silent.

Christmas is about remembering Jesus. Plain and simple. May your hearts be filled with peace this year as you celebrate our Prince of Peace. 

"Truly He taught us to love one another
His law is love and His gospel is peace
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother
And in His name all oppression shall cease
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name."

The best laid plans...

It's been nearly 2 months since I've last posted. I've had lots on my mind, but very little time to express it. 

We've been talking for months about me going back to work in a part-time capacity. We decided that the summer wasn't the best time because of our schedule, so I started applying for jobs in July and starting working during the last week in July. I generally work between 25-30 hours a week. It's been a decent transition. I pretty much work every night, except Wednesday and most weekends. We are pretty focused on  complete debt elimination (except our mortgage) within the next year. Thankfully, we really don't have nearly as much debt to pay off as we have in the past. Just the van and some credit cards. Honestly, it stinks because I no longer have my nights and weekends free, but this is what works for us right now. We still believe that homeschooling our children is what our family needs right now, so this schedule enables me to still spend the day homeschooling them. I won't lie. It is hard spending 20-25 hours a week homeschooling and then working on top of that and somehow still trying to find time to buy groceries, clean, and all of those other things. I miss seeing my husband every night. When I get frustrated or stressed, I remind myself that this is temporary. A year from now it will all be worth it. It is pretty easy to keep going when I remind myself of that fact. In addition to me working, Chris has been shooting Friday night football games which is a great way for him to make extra money doing something fun. We are super thankful that opportunity presented itself this year. 

But "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry".  Saturday night I worked until close and didn't get home until 11:30. I was tired when I got home, but I needed a shower and needed to throw my work uniform in the wash. Well, after my shower I made the mistake of laying down for "just a minute" which of course turned into passing out into a coma. Fast forward to Sunday morning. We had a full day of church, house projects/errands, and then me going to work again at 4:00. I scrambled up out of bed so that I could wash my work clothes. I snatched up the laundry basket and hurried down the stairs. I misjudged the last step and thought I was on the floor, so I stretched out my right foot and totally missed the last step and rolled my ankle. I cried like a baby and immediately knew this was more than a sprain. Chris had to work (church), so he set me up on the couch with an ice pack and gave the kids strict instructions on how to behave while he was gone. My foot continued to swell and I couldn't put any weight on it while he was gone. We went to an urgent care facility that could perform x-rays after he got home, so that I didn't have to deal with the ER. We found out that I have a fractured 5th metatarsal. 

So I've gone over 37 years of my life without breaking a bone and it finally happened as I'm going too quickly down the stairs to wash work clothes. I really wish my story was cooler than that. I wish I could tell you that I was rock climbing or saving a cat from a tree, but nope. I don't do things the cool way. I broke my stinkin' foot going down the stairs. Pretty cool, huh? 

Honestly, I'm very upset and angry. Why on earth didn't this happen when I wasn't working?  Why didn't this happen during the summer? Why did this have to happen while we are trying to gain momentum with our debt snowball?

Then I am reminded by my heavenly father to slow down. Don't lose my focus. This setback is only temporary (hopefully only a week). In the grand scheme of life, that really isn't a big deal. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Proverbs 19:21 You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.

I'm not sure what all this means yet, but I know that God is in control. I know that His plan is greater than my plan. Right now, I just need to sit back and relax and trust God.





 

Talking to our children about the HARD stuff (and books to help)

Inappropriate touching. Molestation. People hurting innocent children. Sex in general. It has been weighing heavily on my heart for months now. I mean, we talk to our children. We've explained to them that their private parts are private. We try to be open with them, but it just doesn't feel like enough.

I want them to learn all of these things from us. I do NOT want them learning them from other children, or God forbid....someone harmful.

I had some amazon gift cards and some free time to research, so I decided I would order a vast array of books to help me broach this topic. I've read them all and now I'm going to start Sex Ed. with my children. I'm going to give an overview of the books I ordered and then I will post an update once we've read them all together.

*I have included amazon links in the book titles. These are affiliate links. You pay the same price and I receive a small portion from the transaction.*

The first book is Your Body Belongs to You. I bought this book to use with Sam and Kadie. It is definitely geared for a young child. The age range is 3 - 6 years old and I feel that is appropriate. It is a short and sweet book. It briefly covers the way people touch us and that is usually okay, but if we don't want to be touched - that is okay too. It calls private parts anything that is covered by a bathing suit. It briefly touches on how no one should touch our private parts and the importance of telling someone if this happens. From my own personal review, I think this will be a good transitional book for some heavier and more in depth books. We will read this book first.

Side note: I like how in the parents note in this book, it stresses the importance of allowing a child to refuse touch. If we do not teach our children that it is okay to refuse a hug, kiss, or any other socially acceptable touch, we are teaching them their feelings do not matter. We are making them powerless over their own bodies. We are unknowingly teaching them that their body is not their own.

Next we will read, Amazing You! Getting Smart About Your Private Parts. This book is more of a sex education book. It is designed for ages 3 and up. It is a tasteful picture book that covers all of our body parts and explains how babies are made and born, without going into terribly graphic details. My only problem with this book is that the male photos are of a circumcised male. For those of us with intact sons, we may need to explain why our child's penis looks different than the one in the drawing. I feel that they could have shown examples of both. I think I will read this one with all of my children. It is pretty informative and I think will satisfy the curiosity of my younger children for sure.

I Said No! A kid-to-kid guide to keeping private parts private - This book was written by a mother of a child who experienced something unpleasant at a sleepover. It is written from a child's perspective and is really fantastic. It is very in depth on private part touching. It says we should have categories for people who can/cannot see private parts. Parents, caregivers, doctors would fall under the green flag category. After the page conclusion, there is a prompt to discuss the green flag people with your children. The other category is a red flag person - basically any one else who has no business seeing your child's private parts. The author gives many good examples of red flag situations and prompts to talk about other red flag situations. It makes it very clear that it is okay to shout, NO!!! It also goes into detail about how to tell someone if you have been seen or touched by a red flag person. I love this book and I will read it to all of my kids and likely read it regularly. I mean seriously, if you only want one book, this is the one in which you should invest. I feel confident this book will prepare my children very well for any situations that they might encounter.

Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept is for ages 3-12 years. This story takes place in the times of knights and castles. It is about a little boy who is molested by an important person in the castle, where his mother cleans. It  identifies the power of the abuser and the fear of the child in an amazing way.  I feel this book will be perfect following, I Said No! It really helps the child understand how scared the little boy felt and how he didn't want to tell his mom. He was brave and told her and he felt so much better.

It's So Amazing! A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families. The age range on this book is 7-10 years. I will be reading this one with Harrison. It is a WAY more in depth version of Amazing You! It is a picture book with a lot of detailed pictures and explanations in a child friendly manner. I  also like that it shows both intact and circumcised penises, so that one child is not alienated or feels like something is wrong with him. It covers all topics. The page about sex is very  matter of fact. It also covers heterosexual and homosexual relationships in a very concise matter. Regardless of your belief on the matter, I think it is important that our children understand that all families are different. It covers conception, child birth (both vaginal and cesarean) and breast/bottle feeding. It even covers adoption. It also has a section on inappropriate touching. I like that this book is laid out into chapters. It is way too much information to cover in one reading session and will likely be something we read together over a period of time. It is also designed in a matter where you can skip chapters that you don't feel like your child may be ready to read. All in all, I think Harrison will like this book, although it may embarrass him. If you are pretty conservative, this may not be the book for you, but honestly I think you could still use it because it is so thorough and you can tailor it to your needs.

The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls. I bought this book specifically for Kadie, even though she isn't quite old enough yet. It is for ages 8 and up. This book is highly recommended for pubescent girls. It is illustrated and covers all of puberty. I won't be reviewing this one for a while, since we still have a couple of years before she is ready for this book. Just from the looks of it, I think this will be a book she looks through by herself.

Lastly, I bought The Boys Body Book, Everything You Need to Know for Growing Up You! It seems to be the male equivalent of The Care and Keeping of You. This book covers puberty, hygiene, health, social skills, family relationships, dating, online safety, peer pressure, bullying, and stressful situations. From what I can tell, it will be informative and easy for Harrison to read. I think Chris and Harrison will go through this book together. He could easily read it by himself, but in our unique circumstances, I feel he would benefit having an adult explain things.

So there you have it. This is our Sex Ed. for the next month or so. It makes me sad and angry that we even have to teach our children about some of these subjects, but the reality is that we absolutely MUST. Knowledge is power and if this material helps my child avoid a bad situation, it is 110% worth it. However, general sex education is necessary. Most of us that ever had "the talk" with our parents probably remember it as a painfully horrifying conversation. However, research shows that children who grow up in homes where sex is openly discussed, are less likely to participate in risky behaviors. Sadly the age of puberty has dropped, so these discussions can't be put off until our children are teenagers.  And let's face it...we want our children to learn about sex with our personal values as opposed to some kid from class. Quite frankly, no matter how much you shelter your child from sex, they are still hearing about it from TV, music, online ads, billboards, and the list keeps going. 

I would love to know of any book recommendations or resources you have used. Feel free to add them in the comments. 

~Peace out. Gonna start talking about all this hard stuff with my little homies.