A letter to my Dad

Dear Daddy,

Well, today has been 3 months since you left. It is hard to believe we have started a new year without you. For the most part the past 3 months have been a clouded fog of emotions. Surprisingly it has gotten easier. I don't cry every day, anymore. I took Harrison to your grave this past Thursday and it was the first time I went without sobbing hysterically. Perhaps I was trying to hold it together for him because he wanted to tell you about his Christmas presents. I was proud of him. He misses you dearly. He told me yesterday he was sick and needed to go to the hospital so that he could go to Heaven and see you. I knew it would be hard on him but I had no idea it would be this hard.

I think of you every day. When I think about you for a great length of time that painful ache in my chest and throat creeps over me. I am getting to the point where I can think of you and smile. I'm happy to be at the point. I helped Mom go through your things a couple of weeks ago. We put all of your clothes into some tubs. We are going to make memory quilts with most of it. That should keep us busy! Mom finally took your jeans off the coat tree in the bedroom because she couldn't smell you on them anymore. She figured it was time to wash them and put them away. It was too painful for her to walk into the closet and see all of your things. She is finally accepting that you aren't coming back to us. I think we are all slowly coming at peace with your death. She is staying with Daresa for a couple of weeks. I think it will be good for her. She is also taking a class at church with me and will be taking a class at Precept this spring. We are trying to take care of her for you.

If I could rewind time, I would. Just to hold your hand and give you a hug. To tell you again how much I love you and how proud I am that you fought so  hard to stay with us. I've said it a hundred times. You are the strongest man I've ever know and I'm proud to call you my Daddy. I'm glad you are at peace. I can't begin to imagine what you are experiencing right now in Heaven. It gives me comfort. I will see you again one day.

If I have learned anything from losing you it has been to treasure life. Appreciate life. Love. I'm trying hard to make some changes. I want to treasure life. I want to love my family more deeply. I want to have fun with our friends. I want to appreciate the things I take for granted. I think these things would make you proud.

Well Daddy, I  hope you are having a blast in Heaven :-). I love you and miss you dearly.

Love,
Alicia